Zombieland AU!

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((Cause Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson are freaking adorable!))

It wasn't long after Wichita and Little Rock bounced yet a third time did Tallahassee and Columbus finally figure out that those two girls would never change, and they would never truly be family. This time, the girls spared those men with the decency of not ever showing up again, probably living the life conning other survivors to the plague, or better off dead in Florida's opinion.

Tallahassee Florida was extremely grumpy about the situation, because he was pissed about how those girls were heartless and took all of his weapons, or so he claimed. But deep down, Columbus Ohio knew the redneck was secretly hurt. Even though Tallahassee reminded the college man a hundred times to never get attached, he never fully took his own advice and had considered Little Rock as the child he had once lost to the zombies. And now she's gone.

The two men drove in a car they had stolen not long after Wichita and Little Rock hijacked Tallahassee's precious Hummer and left the state. Three days and three nights those men drove in silence, only stopping to tap a zombie with their bummer or to make a short rest stop to god knows where. Soon, they found a jackpot of weapons, but not much food besides granola bars.

Deep down, Columbus knew he could never leave Tallahassee. Sure, he could've pictured himself ditching the con girls whenever if it was a need for survival, but Tallahassee? Man, if zombies were barreling down on them and the blood lust of a redneck ordered the weak-lump-of-flesh he calls his partner to run, Columbus wouldn't have it in him. Sure, before he ever had a partner and was thriving on his own, he wouldn't hesitate to run. Rule #1: Cardio, was his only friend at the time. But now, Tallahassee was his friend, and Columbus felt a gut wrenching feeling whenever he pictured that broken middle aged man wandering alone again, looking for Twinkies by his lonesome. In short, neither Columbus nor Tallahassee left the other behind.

The strange conversation of reincarnation came up one time while driving down a dirt road. Columbus came up with the stupid idea that he and Tallahassee might've known each other in a different time and age, with different names that actually made sense. Tally called him a spitfuck, as usual, but took the following silence as a moment to actually think about the situation, and knew the kid might be right. He secretly felt like he's known Columbus all his life, even the though the college kid was much younger.

A year or two dragged on, and Tallahassee noticed how the kid changed dramatically. It's like puberty had hit him at a very late stage. His curly brown hair had started to flatten and grow shaggy, and speaking of shaggy, Columbus had a killer stubble going along his jawline. He gained only a few pounds, and didn't look as skinny and fragile as he used to. However, it was his personality that changed the most out of everything. Tallahassee blames himself for how quick and easy Columbus is always ready for a comeback without even much of a stutter now. He had grown cocky, and a little arrogant. A control freak, really. Tallahassee believes that maybe his enthusiasm might've rubbed off on the kid in a strange way, because now Columbus was no longer squeamish when it came to driving an axe into a Zombie's weak skull or his arms didn't shake when he held a barrel to one's head. Either way, he changed and it kinda pissed Tallahassee off at the way Columbus now held a smug façade against him whenever they had an argument. And since Columbus was now very sarcastic, there were more arguments then there had ever been before. And Tallahassee hated the fact that he was no longer the gruesome one. All he ever got out of this friendship was getting older.

One day, they talked about their real names, the ones they hid from each other with the names of the places they're from. Columbus talked about his, as did Tallahassee, and both agreed to keep the 'D' and 'M' words to a minimum. They didn't like being called those names nowadays, and preferred being called after the places they were born in.

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