Today marks my one millionth year of death, it would have also marked what would have been my one millionth day of powerlessness. Today, is my first day of having a complete physical body again... albeit it's made of thousands and thousands of dead men's weapons but it's at least something. I managed to find a nice box of poisoned needles to make my hamstring... damn it's nice to actually walk like I used to instead of that half float and half hobble thing I used to do. As I breathe through the collection of knives and needles that now serve as my throat and lungs. I feel great. Twillium Lacdal feels alive once again.
Two weeks later
Dawn approaches as the dark figure stands from its patient squat at the end of the cliff and looks down on the two armies squaring off for the fourth day of alternating slaughter. Like all wars one fights for the protection and lives of those they defend, and the other wants what the defenders have. Twil doesn't know or care what it is or who the armies belong to, he just knows that greater powers than these two have ordered that this be the final day of waste... and who is he to say otherwise?
Twil: welp... time to knock some sense into these Neanderthals *stretches the mass of broken metal and needles that make up his body before jumping off the cliff and in between the two armies and waits*
Pretty soon a man emerges from each opposing army one in an orange uniform and one in silver.
Silver: leave us be immortal, this is none of your business
Orange: now git!
Twil: *sigh* it is my business because it's my lords business... enough at least to tell me personally to stop you two from behaving like children
Orange: *draws a sword* immortal or not if you don't take that back ill have to kill you
Twil: *fixes the orbs of green fire that serve as his eyes on orange* put that toothpick away... I was sent by a GOD to stop you two from wasting any more resources on this.
Orange: but he –
Twil: I DON'T CARE! Just pack up and leave! *looks at silver* you too
Silver: I came here with the intent of gain, I will leave with some
Twil: how about this *flicks a copper at silver* cause that's all your getting
Silver: *face contorts in rage* this will not be stood for! Prepare for battle! *storms off*
Twil: *opens his mouth and his tongue made of needles and knives shots out of his mouth like a frogs and impales the back of silver's head*
Orange: *yelps and falls back*
Twil: *sucks his tongue back in* bleh, he tasted terrible. *yells at silver army* 2nd in command come over here!
Orange: w-what are you!?!?
Twil: I'm a blade spirit, what else?
Silver 2nd: *female in silver armor that's walking up* he was the second in command, unlike that oaf I recognize your authority
Twil: kiss ass .... My lord... a GOD wants you two to stop fighting and leave each other alone... or be diplomatic, but a different kind of war is coming and we don't need infighting... so leave ... now... and forget this childish war of yours
Both: *perks up at the mention of another war* ok sir
Twil: oh my god you are suck ups... not get!
Both: *run off too their respective armies*
twil: *sighs and turns back to the cliff*
Silver Soldier: *talking to the captain* Immortal? Bullshit! I'll show him who's immortal! *breaks ranks and throws a spear at twil impaling him through the chest*
Twil: *on the ground*
silver soldier: see I told you so!
Twil: *stands back up with the spear still in his chest and whirls around to glare at the soldier*
Silver captain: please excuse the lieutenant he forgot his place... and will be severely reprimanded
Twil: *pulls the spear out and inspects it* ... this is a nice spear... I want it ... it'll make a good spine when I bend it right.... Better than what I currently have
Silver captain: it'd be an honor to donate to your body oh great soldier
Twil: ok *turns into a cloud of blades and floats over to the soldier who owns the spear and rematerializes in front of him* too bad you have to die for me to have it be part of my body.
Soldier: wait wha- *gets impaled by twil's tongue*
Twil: *walks back to the cliff and climbs back up to the top*
When both armies have packed and left the blade spirit climbs back down and moves a boulder at the base of the cliff and pulls out a small box. Inside is a strawberry which twil drops into his mouth, enjoying a taste he hasn't experienced in a millennium. "I was sent by a god?" he laughs "man I'm getting more daring on my lies every day... one day I might accidentally get in some deep trouble"
YOU ARE READING
the lexicon of trollisShort Story
The reason I write this is to entertain, and just because it may (or may not) have a linier plot doesn't mean that it can't be entertaining. This is a collection of short stories of the various versions of 'me' thrown throughout my mental world/s t...