INSANE ⋆ Z.M (rewriting)

0- Prelude

I'd never really thought about the day that I would finally face my defeat— when I would look my miserable fate in eyes.

I didn't ever consider my defeat because I thought that I would never lose. I was simply invincible. Nobody could touch me, not even if they tried.

"I haven't seen her since that night." I said aloud, making a great deal of staring at the white marble floor.

I sat cold and uncomfortable in this seat, fidgeting with my hands.

I sat and I thought about her.

I avoided the gaze of the two men— my doctors, dressed in chalky white coats, holding clipboards and studying me in concern.

"Yes, and her name is?" Doctor Heiser asked while the other one just stood there watching me.

Everyone was watching me. I could feel it, I knew they were. They were watching me. They were judging me.

Maybe if I had just listened to her, I wouldn't be trapped here and I wouldn't be stared at either. If I had just listened to her.

"I can't," I stopped in frustration and began again, "I can't answer that with all of these goddamn people staring at me."

Heiser trained his gaze on the room around us. "Mr. Malik,"-

"It's Zayn."

"Yes, Zayn," he sighed, "The only people in the room are you, me and Doctor Mattison. That's all." He nodded his head at me in assurance; Mattison quickly wrote something down.

For a second, I want to scream, then I want to fight, then I want to die.

I scoffed, shaking my head. "Everyone is fucking looking at me. Do you not get that? All of these people around me-"

"Zayn, there isn't anybody-"

"Yes there is!" I shot up out of the chair and it clattered to the floor behind me. "They're all watching me! I can feel it!"

Mattison and Heiser dropped their papers and reached out to shush me instinctively.

Then I thought about running. But I had nowhere to go. I had nobody to run to.

So I didn't run.

"Hold him still." I hear Heiser tell his colleague.

Why didn't I just listen to her?

Heiser slipped his arm around mine, "Okay Zayn, let's take some deep breaths. Ready?"

"No! Fuck you!" I fought back, throwing my elbow into his chest. "Fuck all of you!"

To my right, Mattison spoke into a device clipped onto his sleeve, calling for help.

'Houston, we have a problem. There's a fucking mental case about to lose his shit in here.'

Again.

And then I began to laugh. I laughed as hard as I ever could. I knew this part all too well. It was fucking hilarious.

It truly was.

I was having a great day.

"Now you're gonna have some jacked up guard come in here and sedate me." I cackled, doubling over in hysterics.

Beside me, Heiser swerved my elbows and my fists. I heard him grunting in a struggle in my ear. I shoved my palm into his mouth and he stumbled backward, falling against the desk.

Served him fucking right for asking me about her and letting those people stare at me.

But my victory was stolen too soon when the prick of a fine needle met my neck.

I stopped and I thought about her. I lost this fight and I only thought about her.

Then blackness drew near and my memory failed me.

...

DEC 21 2020 UPDATE:
Hi everyone :') I'm republishing Insane so everyone can finish reading it. It's not a finished story, but even after about 3 years I still receive messages from those who didn't get to finish.

So here we go again...

As always, thank you for reading. I love you all.

Logan