The Ballerina & The Devil

Fifty Four and a Half. What a Deeply Imbedded Fear It Is

Not only was her mannerism completely off, what with the way she was fidgeting like a crackhead going through a round of withdrawal, but I could see it in her eyes.

If you knew how to read her, Demi was a total open book. Every emotion she felt was embedded in her eyes. Everything she refused to say was right there in those green irises.

When she was angry they would darken.

When she was happy they would sparkle.

When she was nervous they would shift.

When she was excited they would dance.

When she was sad or in any type of down mood, they would dull.

And then she would look at me.

It wasn't every time, but there were plenty of profound moments when Demi would look my way, and it was a look that so clearly set itself apart from all the other looks.

It was a mix of things. It was a look that was incredibly soft and affectionate with an immense amount of giddiness. It was full of admiration, and maybe a little nervousness, but there was contentment at the same time.

More than once it would really throw me off when I caught her looking at me like that.

There wasn't a time I could recall in my memory bank where I was at the receiving end of such...affection I guess. I really didn't know what to call it. It was a funny look that would always proceed to make me feel funny things.

But I was lying to myself.

I did know what to call it because I knew exactly what that look was, and I knew exactly what I was feeling in response to that. I really didn't need to ask about what she said at the party because I knew when she said it, she meant it.

Everything she had said repeated itself in her eyes, and there was really no denying the fact that she loved me.

Scratch that, there was no denying the fact that she was in love with me.

Nor was there denying the fact that I was in love with her right back.

My stomach flipped uncomfortably at the mere thought, and I rubbed my suddenly slick with sweat palms together.

As nerve wrecking as the revelation was, there was no getting around it. I was completely and madly in love with Demi.

I thought there was a way for me to do this whole relationship thing without involving love which was my first mistake.

Demi was way too fucking perfect for me to not fall in love with her. It was pretty arrogant on my part to think I could keep feelings like love at arm's length when I was with her around the the clock.

She drove me absolutely crazy in the best and worst way. I thought about her all the time when I was away from her, and when I was with her I just couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't get enough of her laughter, or her smiles, or her kisses, or her running mouth. Everything she did, even something as simple as playing with her hair or biting her lip, made my heart race and my entire body heat up.

So to come to the realization that she felt the same way about me was pretty fucking amazing. Especially since she was in a league completely of her own, and could get with any guy she chose.

I smiled a little, but as quickly as it came it was gone, and in place was a frown because underneath that happiness was disappointment, frustration, and fear.

All due to the fact that I couldn't give Demi what she was looking for.

She was obviously terrified of her feelings, so much so that she wanted to lock them away and pretend she didn't have them. What she needed was reassurance that she was not in this alone, but that wasn't something I was able to give her.

And as fucked up as it sounded, I was relieved she didn't voice those three words out loud to me in her sober state because I wouldn't have said it back.

Not because I didn't want to, or because I didn't feel it.

I felt it.

I felt it on a level that I suspected was even  deeper than hers, but I could just barely admit it to myself never mind admit it to her.

Physically, I wouldn't have been able to voice my own feelings back. I would have left her hanging, and I would have hurt her in the worse possible way.

So I was glad she lied to me.

I was glad she didn't say it.

There was still a large part of me, like ninety eight percent of me, that didn't want anything to do with love.

This may be my deeply imbedded fear talking, but whatever. I'll say it anyway.

Love ruined everything.

Whenever it got involved it screwed everything up. Love was the extremist of the extreme emotions, and when you got to that level of sentiment every other emotion ran high right along with it. Including the substandard ones.

I wasn't going to subject myself to that, and I most certainly wasn't going to subject Demi to that.

We were already a pair of such ruined remains. I really didn't want to see what kind of collateral damage would ensue upon acknowledging...that.

Demi and I were fine as we were. There was no point in getting complicated when it wasn't something that was necessary.

I rubbed the spot where my heart rested and let out another sigh.

My head was in agreement, now if only my heart would get on board.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: Ask and you shall receive.

So, as asked, we got inside Aidan's brain on the matter. Surprised on how he took Demi's words?

I personally really, really like writing from Aidan's POV. Maybe it's because it's something I rarely do. It's just different from writing from Demi's perceptive because Aidan is just a more calculated thinker than Demi.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Give me a vote if you did and leave your thoughts and opinions in the comment section.

I also want to point out that y'all got this story to 100,000 votes which is so freaking crazy. I remember when this story had ten votes and a couple of reads, and now look at it! I'm just so happy and proud. This is truly a started from the bottom now we're here moment lol.

I love you all soooo much! I'll post again in the next week. Hugs and kisses to you all!

Jess.