I wake up with much less of a hangover than I was expecting. Considering the amount of vodka I had, I'm surprised I'm not dead. But I was clever enough to fall asleep on my stomach. I've discovered that doing that seems to help with my hangover the next morning.
I turn my head to look at my alarm clock, and notice that I am not alone. Oh fuck. Danny. I forgot we did that...
I sigh, covering my head with my pillow. I've gone and done it. I've become the girl that sleeps with every member of the band. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me? When did my life become something that should be on the Jeremy Kyle show?
I push myself up to a sitting position, careful not to disturb the sleeping man next to me. He's also lay on his stomach, face turned away from me. As I've sat myself up, the covers have pulled themselves down to his lower back. I can't help but marvel at the muscles. Who would have known that someone so skinny could have...
How many times have I got to tell myself that I cannot think of him that way? I don't want complicated. I want simple. And having Danny O'Donoghue in my life would make my life very 'not simple'. Besides, I hate him. He humiliated me in the worst possible way. I can't possibly forgive him for that. I hate him. Don't I?
Fuck, I'm so confused. I just wish I could scream out loud and confront everything that's going around my head. But I can't. I can't handle the truth. And I'm not sure how much long I'll be able to take avoiding it either.
I get dressed and head into the kitchen. I need gravy. Gravy helps me think. I grab a mug and boil the kettle, dissolving the granules before bringing the mug to my nose, feeling the pleasantness of the steam caress my face. If I clear my head, then maybe I can resolve these issues...
I hear a cough behind me and turn my head. Danny's there, fully dressed and looking as awkward as anything.
“I'm so sorry about yesterday,” he mumbles guiltily. “I had no right in saying what I did. It was disgusting and wrong and possibly the biggest mistake I've made in my life. You didn't deserve that. And I'm sorry about last night too. Mark had some words with me about my behaviour yesterday and I didn't take it well. So I drank and the dumbass Danny came out. There's no excuse for anything that I did yesterday at all. So, yeah. I'm really sorry.”
I don't really know what to say. I didn't really expect an apology out of him. I didn't think he was that kind of person. But...this has all caught me completely off guard. And the longer I stand there, the worse it gets for him. Eventually he sighs and looks away.
“I'll just go...”
He goes to take a step forward, but I sigh and put my mug down.
“Wait,” I say. I'm not sure what I'm going to say next, but I know I want him to stay.
He doesn't move. He just watches me, waiting for my next words. Oh God, I feel like a teenager again.
“We need to talk,” I eventually say. His eyes widen slightly in what I can only guess is slight shock, but he nods.
“Okay.”
You've initiated now, Emie. You're going to have to follow through. No matter how much you don't want to. I sigh again, and look at him. Really look at him. He looks so concerned for me, so worried about the next words to leave my mouth. How long has it been since someone's looked at me like this?
“I'm sorry,” I manage to get out eventually. “I have...issues. A whole load of issues. And I'm not willing to talk about them. I know that at some point in my life I will have to deal with them, but right now is not that time. I'm sorry that you got dragged into it all. It was never my intention. I just don't want to hurt anyone any more, and I felt threatened at the idea of something bringing up old memories again.”
