The Pristine

Ang PangApatnapu't Tatlo

"Yes, its me! How are you, Chrissy? I missed you so much! How was your stay abroad? I was told na umuwi na raw kayo last month."

"I'm fine," mabilis kong sabi. "And I...I missed you too."

Marahan kong inilapag ang aking mga kubyertos sa takot na mabitiwan ko na lamang ito basta. I was feeling something euphoric so I can't help the shaking of my limbs and breath. I missed her bubbly attitude, the rays of sunshine whenever she spoke. 

But, we were never abroad. And I didn't have to come home since I was already home. Those were all lies. 

"How are your studies? Are you really doing fine? I can't wait to see you, Chrissy! We have so much to talk about. You need to update me about your life, and you need to hear me too. I really, really missed you..." Ang matinis na ligaya sa kaniyang boses ay bumaba patungong nanlalambing. 

Napakagat ako sa labi. Hindi rin ako makapaniwalang kausap ko na siya ngayon. May kung anong humihigpit sa aking puso kasabay ng kung anong paggapang sa aking balat. 

"Me too."

We talked for about how many minutes. She did most of the talking dahil hindi ako makapagsalita ng matino. Marami siyang tinanong and I was answering almost indifferently, and I admit, I felt guilty even that slightest thing. 

Pinaglalaruan ko na lamang ang aking pagkain sa pinggan dahil ang kalahating parte sa akin ay wala nang gana, ang natira naman ay masaya at mangha pa rin. Was it a good combination?

"Sakto ang dating mo, Chrissy. We're having a family reunion and I want you to come. Sakto!" Her plans were solid and I didn't have a say on it. She mentioned some luxury hotel and resort in Manila. Really! I knew that place because its rate had gone skyrocket.

Tuloy-tuloy ang kaniyang bibig at tanging nagawa ko lamang ay mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob. Para akong nabibilaukan.

"Uhm, I'm busy, so...I...I..." I tried but, ah, dammit! 

"No way, Chrissy. That won't work on me, and besides, its summer! Tinaon talaga naming summer para ang lahat ay dadalo. Huwag mo ring kakalimutan na hindi ka dumalo sa aking kasal..."

I felt like all the air in my lungs got knocked out. The mere mention of her wedding made the circulation of my blood stop. Isang malaking bato ang pilit kong nilunok at tumingala. 

That was not only guilt tripping, but for her to stop, I said yes. I actually said yes.

Pumayag ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan, at pagkatapos noon ay nagpaalam na rin ito. Hingal na hingal kong ibinaba ang cellphone sa lamesa. I was feeling something next to a panic attack. My mind was basically shutting down. 

Nagtungo na ako sa itaas para mag-shower. Dinampot ko ang susi ng sasakyan atsaka bumaba na. 

"Kina Beth ako, Nanang!" sigaw ko bago umalis. 

Ang bahay nina Beth ay sa isang tahimik na subdivision. Hindi naman iyon pala alis kaya naroon nga raw siya sabi ng kanilang mga tauhan. Gusto ko lamang ay huwag kainin ng panic sa bahay namin.

Not that it was a big deal. 

Was it?

Beth was watching some indie film when I walked inside her room. Sa aking pagdating ay tanging sulyap lamang ang natanggap ko at muli itong bumalik sa panunuod. Sumisid ako kaagad sa kaniyang tabi sa kama.