What travelling does

Chapter 5

Sorry it's been awhile but here's the new chapter I hope you like it, let me know what you think.

'what have I just done?'  I thought to myself as I pushed myself from the floor, walking in the bathroom I nearly jumped at the image in the mirror, I looked like a panda. I removed my make-up and got ready for bed, not that I would sleep much anyway.

When I got back in my room, my phone was litting up. 12 missed calls from 'glen' and 6 messages of Glen.

Why couldn't my life be easy for once. putting my phone in plane mode I crawled under the sheets and tried to get some sleep, but it would come to me as I twisted and turned, wiping my tears away angrily. I didn't have a right to cry. I had hurt Glen he had a right to cry.

But better the slight hurt now then the huge hurt in the future for both of us. I'd be much more hurt if he'd reacted the way I suspected he'd do if I told him. I couldn't go to that. I couldn't let myself get hurt like that. I couldn't let the one person I loved hurt me like that.

The hours passed as I kept twisting and turning, my tiredness from before having disappeared as the tears rolled down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. I had wanted to go and get Glen's jacket, quite surprisingly I had always felt safe with him, like no hurt could ever come to me and that smell was part of it.

But I couldn't it would only remind me of what I couldn't have.

***

and then the knocks on the door started. "Amelia, please let me in." I heard someone whisperer on the other side of the door. Glen. Wouldn't he let me alone. Why wouldn't he get that this wasn't meant to be.

I kept as  quite as I could, the sobs sometimes making it hard, the fact that he was knocking on my door wasn't making it any easier, making me remind what I had just thrown away, lost.

"amelia please I deserve an explanation." I heard him say and I was convinced he was crying at that point. "guess you'll sleep better knowing you're rid of me." I heard him whisper and the sob that had left me, had been very hard to keep quite as I heard the pain in his voice and the snuffle accompanying it.

"what have I done?' I asked, for the millionth time. I had hurt probably one of the sweetest guys on earth, someone who definitely didn't deserve it. he deserved anything but. He'd been through so much hurt already.

That's when I heard the shuffling sound from something being pushed under the door, before I heard him walk away. I couldn't get myself to get up as I sobbed in my pillow, realising my past would always ruin and lead my life. My past would be living my future. Nothing would ever overshadow my past.

Like I used to compare when being asked, 'there must have been happy times.' I would always point out that you didn't see a ship on the Pacific Ocean either, the pacific being the horrible and sad, a ship being the happy memories.

***

somehow my eyes had fallen shut, restlessly as I heard another knock on the door. I didn't get up immediately wanting to wait, not sure if it was Glen again or someone else, who knew Danny or Mark would definitely have something to say about it and I knew they shared everything.

"Li. It's me, will you get up." Alice voice muttered through the door. I immediately got out of bed, pulling the door open. "liz." I muttered, tears coming to my eyes again. "Li;" she tilted her head. "you didn't." she realised, apparently I must have looked like I felt.

"yea." I confirmed. She swept me up in a hug, closing the door behind her as I started talking to her, through my tears.

"you really can't keep doing this Li. You can't let him ruin your life like that." Liz told me, I knew she meant well and she was one of the few being able to tell me what to do, but my past was just something I was so stubborn about, I had never dealt with it and it would ruin my future if I kept going like this, I knew that. But dealing with it seemed worse than a lonesome and unhappy future.