Riptide (a camren fic)

Chapter 13: i don't wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck

Lauren is so far away, despite only physically being a windowsill away from her. Lauren, untainted by the permanent grey clouds hovering over Camila, dampening everything within a five foot radius. Lauren, who suddenly has Camila grasping desperately for a time when everything wasn't so damn shitty.

A time when she was still in love with the girl talking a mile a minute before her. A time when she was close enough to confide in Normani and Ally. A time when her best friend was still alive.

Lauren's ramble comes to a dying close, as she peers around Camila's frame.

"Whoa, dude your room is trashed." Her eyes finally meet Camila's face and then promptly widen.

Camila takes in Lauren's appearance. Her face has gone pale. The shine in her green eyes darken as eyebrows knit together worriedly. The outstretched hand, gripping Camila's hoodie, lowers.

"Camila," Lauren says in a hushed tone. "You're crying."

Camila blinks out of her thoughts, and brings a hand to her face. She wipes at the hot tears, and it leaves a sticky trail across her heated skin. She knows she can't hide the evidence.

She doesn't know when it started again. But it comes in a long endless break down. It's as if the moment the tears fall it opens up a relentless sob.

She cries. And she doesn't know why she's crying. Maybe it's seeing Lauren, and perpetually seeing her as an almost. Maybe she's crying for the missed chance. Maybe she's crying for a time she was happy. Maybe she's crying for the happiness that seems unattainable, just like Dinah is unattainable in her unreal state.

Maybe she's crying for the part of herself that died with Dinah a year ago.

Through the blurry vision, Camila can see the hesitancy as Lauren takes slow tentative steps towards the window. She can see the apprehension as Lauren climbs over the ledge, green eyes never once breaking contact. She feels the reservation when Lauren brings both hands to Camila's shoulders.

A part of her foolishly wants to turn away, and bury herself beneath the shame that's built up. But Lauren's hands are warm.

Camila feels the gentle squeeze on her shoulders, and then Lauren tugs her in closer.

Their bodies collide in a soft press. She's immediately overwhelmed with Lauren's scent, and the hair brushing against her cheek. Arms come around her frame, wrapping her in a snug embrace.

Camila's resolve crumbles. She feels the pressure dissolve and melt away, and any resistance of hiding fades as another round of tears develop.

She hides her face in Lauren's neck before she realizes what she's doing. Her hands come around and fist the material of Lauren's t-shirt. Her breathing comes out in a hushed shudder as she tries to muffle the cries. Camila bites down on her trembling lip and unintentionally strengthening her grip upon Lauren's shirt.

Lauren's embrace tightens, securing around her trembling frame. Warming up the cold that's crept around her heart. She feels her fingers dig into Lauren's shirt again, grasping for something. Anything to prevent the warmth from seeping away.

She feels Lauren's hands trace soothing circles on her back.

Camila delves herself further into the warmth, letting her mind run. If she closes her eyes she can pretend.

She can pretend that Dinah is cradling her. She can fool herself into believing the comfort is coming from someone no longer there. The warmth that she had been so desperately deprived of is encircling her, building a wall around her.