|current time.
The air was so thick with silence that you could cut through it with a slight crack of your lips. Honestly, I don't feel the importance of telling this sellout my whole story that ultimately leads me to this fucked up fate.
Life in prison or electrical chair?
That's the question my lawyer asked me while we were standing outside the New York Court, after my sudden outburst. I knew I had to pick, I knew that everything that I've done would either leave to the devastating choice or me picking up the gun and pulling the trigger my damn self. I just wish I had another chance. Another chance to apologize, another chance to relive my life.
|september 12, 1987
"Daddy, please leave!" My voice strained as I tried my best to pry his body off of my mother's weak and battered one.
He ignored me and continued. Pound, pound, pound. He pounded against my mother's almost lifeless body, his dirty and alcoholic breath clouding my mother's nostrils as his sweat dripped from his forehead and dropped onto hers.
It seemed like she wasn't trying to fight back. All her strength went out the window when the tried to restrain him the first time. Then he beat the rest of it out of her. I slapped against his back and yanked at the dreads that cascaded down his back to make him stop. It took me a few times but, oh, he stopped alright.
Now, it was my turn to be tired and out of breath. I felt as if I won a fight, but I hadn't won the war. Because before I could look in my mother's eyes for her security, I was forcefully pushed upon the wall. The loose splinters scratched and dug into my skin, making me cry out in agony and pain. I glanced and looked up at my father. His face full of anger and drunkenness.
"I-I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't like you hitting m-" A strong slap across the face made me go silent. I held my cheek in despair. I slowly turned at him as tears welled update in my eyes.
"Shut the fuck up, nigga!" His voice boomed, making me shiver with fear. He forcefully grabbed me up my shirt before slapping me back down onto my knees.
"Since you wanna cry like a little bitch, I'm gonna give you something that'll complete the job."
I didn't have enough time before he grabbed my head and shoved it towards his sweaty manho-
"Huh!" I gasped as I rose up from my bed. My skin was drowned with sweat and the air conditioner unit blared with an annoying noise. I didn't bother wiping my face as I looked over at my clock that read: 4:56 a.m.
I took a deep breath and wiped my face before throwing the covers off of my body. The usual nightmare and painful reminder robbed me of my well needed and deserved sleep. I hurriedly climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom that was across the hall from my room. I slammed the door behind me and jumped in the shower to wash the guilt and disgusted feelings off that reappeared that same night, before the water even got to the desired temperature.
I scrubbed and washed my face as the vision of him pounding himself against me clouded my mind. I scrubbed to the point my skin burned and turned a light shade of red. I screamed as they kept coming back....those goddamn flashbacks. My mother's screams, my yells and pleading, and my father's grunts and sweaty forehead....and that alcoholic breath and smell that drenched off of him.
A soft knock snapped me out of my feelings as I stepped out of the shower. "You okay, baby?"
I sighed and turned the water off. "I-I'm good, ma." I lied. She kept talking as I reached for a towel. I ignored her and dried myself off before wrapping the towel around my waist. I opened the door to see her standing there with her arms crossed. I smiled before kissing her cheek to calm her nerves.
"I'm fine, ma." I reassured her before descending in my room. I closed the door before she could lecture and preach to me. I plopped down onto my bed and rested my head in my hands.
.
"Can anyone tell me when slavery was abolished?" I groaned as the teacher yelled for no apparent reason. I ignored her and continued doodling in my notebook as always. Tionne was sleeping and Rozanda was putting gel on her baby hairs with the help of her make-up mirror. And I haven't seen Lisa today, which kinda sucked.
The bell finally rung and the class immediately came back to life. Tionne woke up and was already out the door before I could get up, Ro was packing her journals in her bag and I slowly began to gather my things.
"Catch you later, Le." Ro smiled before leaving. I waved to her before draping my bag across my back. I sighed and walked towards the front of the room. I approached his front desk with my hands shoved in my pockets. He didn't seem to notice me in his presence due to him being engulfed in his book.
"December 6th." I mumbled.
He glanced up at me. "Excuse me?"
I sighed before repeating myself. "December 6th, 1865....that was when slavery was abolished." I gave him a small smile before walking out.
I sighed before heading in the direction in my house. My hands were stuffed in my pockets as I kicked the rocks that scattered down the street. Kids yelling and men cursing and laughing filled my ears as I made my way home. A small smirk formed on my lips as I looked across the street to see a black man with his son. He picked him up and threw him over his shoulder and ran around the small yard, the little boys joyous laughs made me smile. He picked him up and threw him in the air as the ma watched from the door with a happy smile on her face.
"Don't drop my baby, Roy."
By the time she had said that, the man had already made his way over to her where he kissed her worries away. "Stop worrying, Jackie." He assured her before planting another one, followed by a slap on the butt. The woman smiled and pushed him away and disappeared into the house.
Without realizing it, tears fell from my eyes as I continued walking.
I'm gonna find that bitch called my father and kill him.
.
.
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