mindset • g.w.

four: liquor bottles

We were just finishing our food when they invited me to hang out with them for a bit.

After asking my boss to take the rest of the day off she was more than a little enthusiastic about the fact that she wanted me to go.

She was always talking about her wanting me to make friends and spend my evenings with something other than a bottle of liquor.

I walked out of the store behind them and stepped out into the now uncomfortable heat.

This morning it actually felt nice but now that it's around noon the sun was at it's peak.

"Do you think we could go by my apartment so I can change out of my work clothes?" I almost felt nervous asking the question for whatever reason.

They are all nice people, Gerard included aside from his slightly bitchy attitude, so I don't understand why I was so on edge around them.

"Yeah sure, we can do that." Frank answered the question that wasn't really directed at anyone in particular as Mikey pulled out his phone to presumably call a taxi.

As we waited for the taxi I sat down beside Gerard who had taken a seat on the curb.

"What's up?" I tried to start a conversation with him and his lips twitched up as his eyes flickered over to me.

"You know what I'm doing, you're doing it as well. We are sitting on a curb waiting for a taxi cab to pick us up." I looked over at him as he passed a piece of gravel between his hands absentmindedly.

"Not really what I meant but I'll take it." He chuckled and stood up as a very stereotypical cab pulled up.

After I told him the address the driver started in the direction of my apartment complex.

I was between Frank and Ray, Gerard was in the seat behind us and Mikey was in the passenger seat.

I suddenly felt someone pick my hand up and I looked down to see that Frank was looking at my ring with an avid curiosity.

Remarkably, I didn't pull my hand back.

Instead I just let him look at it until he let my hand fall back onto my lap.

When I gave him a questioning look he bit his lip like he was thinking about what to say before he just shook his head and turned his attention to the images blurring past us.

I shrugged it off and tapped a beat on my knee until the cab dropped us off at my building.

We all piled out of the car and they followed me as I led them up the stairs.

When I heard Frank mumbling to himself about the long journey up the stairs I smiled.

"I do it everyday Frank, I'm sure you'll make it." He laughed quietly to himself.

When we finally reached my door and I mentally cringed to myself before I pushed it open.

No one ever comes in my apartment besides me so it wasn't exactly guest ready.

It wasn't especially dirty, but there were more empty bottles and depressing drawings than I'd care to admit. 

They all looked around and I noticed that Gerard and Ray shared an almost sad look with each other.

I ignored them and told everyone to make themselves at home while I went to my bedroom to get changed.

It didn't take me long to change, but I did wash my face and freshen up a bit.

I pulled my hair back and put it in a hair tie before walking out of my room to see them all huddled together looking through one of my sketch books.

I kind of tensed up but after a few deep breaths I calmed myself down.

Drawings, at least the ones I create, are very personal.

Because I am horrible at expressing emotions I transform them into ideas and drawings, sometimes even paintings if I feel that they'd be more accurately portrayed that way.

I wasn't mad or anything, just a little uncomfortable.

"Hey, you guys ready?" Gerard jumped at my voice and they all looked up at me.

"Oh yeah. These are nice." Gerard's voice was kept neutral but I could see traces of sympathy in his eyes, like he had just taken a journey through my life through my art and suddenly knew even the deepest parts of my mind. 

We maintained eye contact a little longer than necessary before I broke it by grabbing my wallet and sticking it in my back pocket.

"Alright then, let's go."