Secret Desire

chapter 12: alone

I felt myself shutter. It went through my whole body and that's what woke me up. My eyes opened but very slowly. They were so heavy! I had been dreaming...What a terrible dream! I shuttered again, staring up at the ceiling.

The room was lightly lit. If that was a dream, then that meant Kale never really came back. As the realization hit me, I groaned. My eyes shut again. I moved my hand, wanting to bury my face in it. Someone had been holding my hand, they let go at my sudden movement. I opened my eyes, Jake was in the bed next to me. I turned my head and stared. My eyes widened. It wasn't a dream? It really...

Zero was looking at me. He looked completely miserable. His blue eyes glowed, even in the dim light. But the dark circles under his eyes were still there, only darker then before even though his wound was nowhere to be seen. It was gone now, fully healed. But he was a mess.

His hands were at his sides, balled into fists. His jaw was tight. He never looked at me long. He glanced at me periodically, trying his best not to meet my eyes. I reached up, feeling at my neck. I touched something soft, spongy, cotton maybe? Whatever it was made out of, it was a bandage. My answers were confirmed.

I tried to sit up. But everything felt so heavy. He very hesitantly hooked his arm around my waist, helping me sit up. I could tell he wanted to move away. As if touching me was making him uncomfortable now. But he stayed right where he was.

I stared at my arm, then at his, then at mine. He was much paler then me. Shouldn't I be just as pale as him? Well, maybe not right away, I guess. I thought a moment, remembering Shane hugging me naked. I felt the heat rush to my face instantly. That should be impossible! I turned my head, glaring at Kale. He didn't meet my glare.

"Why did you stop it?" I asked angrily. His eyes widened. I gasped. He was looking at me now as if shocked. "You can stop it." I whispered. It wasn't a question, more of a statement but he nodded anyways. Then he frowned and his whole body tensed.

"Of course I stopped it!" He gave me an angry look that he's never given me before. "I knew I was going to hurt you!" He hissed, disgusted.

I reached up to touch his face. He turned away from me. He kept his arm reluctantly around me as to keep me propped up. My hand fell. My heart was feeling heavy now, but it was rejection that weighed it down.

"I can't stay here." He spit between his teeth. "I can't be with you."

"What?!" I gasped.

"I can't can't control myself." He shook his head. " I even love you but it seems that's just not enough."

I felt him shake for a second before he was suddenly standing beside the bed. I was leaning against the wall now. I pushed myself away from it and stumbled to my feet. He stared at me, not having any intention of moving again unless he was leaving. My body was still much too heavy, which was ironic considering how light headed I was.

"Kale..." I tried to say but no sound really came out. My lips moved and on the e of his name a sound did come out as a squeak. My legs gave way, he caught me in his arms.

"Don't do this to yourself. You just woke up." He whispered at me.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked into his chest.

"Three days." I glanced up. He winced. "Longer if it would have spread."

That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'just woke up.' He pushed me away from him, setting me on the bed. He turned around.

"You promised, Kale," I spoke so quietly that if I didn't know better, he couldn't hear me. "that you would never leave me," I continued. "and yet here you go once again." Tears sprang to my eyes. "How many times are you going to promise it before you actually keep it?!" I shouted with way more strength then I thought I had or actually even had for that matter.