adolsense

03.

I felt like a sad puppy after having to follow Marty around all day. Hanging out with his friends, being surrounded by high spirited people didn't change how weird this felt and how alone I was feeling inside. It was study hour, it's only been a couple hours here but I hate it already. I know this is too soon to come out and say but this school is fuvking terrible. I go outside to smoke, yeah that trait was taken after my dad. He smoked through his troubles when we were low on payments. But yeah I smoke, and it was because I'm sad. I look at all the washed up teens over hearing about who's having sex and who's not. I don't mind them and light another cigarette as I'm managing to constantly whipe mascara under my under eye bags that I get from my mother. I came to my realization, that I was no longer a child. I mean I never really had a chance to be a child, my dad made me drive at the youngest age. If being a child is playing who can hide the drugs.
Then yeah sure I had an amazing childhood.
Sarcasam noted. I pulled out another one, I mean there are many things that can cure this sadness that lingers me. But ignore the thoughts of pills and going to a therapist. If rather light up a cigarette and forget. My smile is always fake, but I'm hoping one day if I manage to keep up this stitched snickered smile even thought my real one is not flattering, I miss it. I haven't smiled like that in a while, I rember one memory. When my mom wants crazy, nor was my dad. When it was just me my older sister and Carlos. No offense to my other siblings, but after they came out funds dropped and our bills came higher than my mom.
   The young boy who was starring at me comes and sits next to me. And there is something that was on the tip of his lips he wanted to say. Probably something like wanna fuck or hey mama.
But no he have me non motherly advice, "smoking is bad." He sad in a jokingly manner.
I ignored him and threw my used cigarette on the ground. He stared at me then my pack of cigs. He digged in his adidas joggers I hear keys and change but he pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
He pulled one out and cautioned me to light it up, I rolled my eyes and hesitantly lit it up for him. He smirked the fakest smirk. 
  We stared at the school kids with the adidas super stars and Jordan's. He seemed like one of those Mexican fuckboys but was low key sensitive. But I don't know I can't really judge this kid, he was something else.
"So why are you smoking out here sad, rebellious, mad, confused?" He stared into my eyes and took another puff, as he ruffled his hair.
  "Fuck off." I say enjoying my cigarette.
"Damn sorry, I can tell yoir having a bad day girl. But you look pretty still With mascara under you eyes." I couldn't tell if he wa starting to be an asshole this way some booty call, or this guy was genuinely sweet. I never took nice gestures easily.
  I ignore him.
We sit in silence for a minute, and I finally give it.
"Can I confess something ?" He raised his eyebrows and nods as he puffs another one.
"I fucking hate this place." I say .
"Kinda why I'm out here, is this why your out here, cause that would mean everyone else would be out here right now."
He said
"Nah it's ither shit...family stuff." I say not wanting to give too much information.
"Yeah I got you my old man left me and my mom died so I don't cry over that because I never met her. I mean can you miss someone you haven't even met?"
He had a point.