Until you come Back to me

"Its Okay if you still want him.."

"I don't know son. That's up to your mother.'' Sean said looking sheepishly up at her. She returned with a glare. He thought he was slick by putting her on the spot.

"Pleaseeee mom, can dad stay?" Jay asked

"Yea mommy please?" Mel chimed in. Sean knew she couldn't possibly say no now that Jay and Mel had asked her. If she said no they would be disappointed.

"Sure, he can stay. Unless he has something else to do."

"No, I'm all yours." He said all too quickly looking into her eyes. Now, who was playing slick trying to get him to say no? She looked at him annoyed.

"Fine. He can stay. Now go on you guys and get washed up for dinner."

"Come on dad you gotta see how we decorated the bathroom." Jay pulled on his arm. Although he saw the newly decorated bathroom, he wasn't going to turn down an escape from Taylour. He saw the anger in her face for his tactic. He knew she would give him a piece of her mind. He was so thankful to his kids that not only had Jay gotten him a dinner invitation but also made an escape from his mother's wrath. He would keep this in mind for when Jay became a teenager stuck in a sticky situation.

     They ate the leftovers from the night before. Sitting at the table felt so right for Sean. Listening to his children banter amongst each other while Taylour would giggle at their conversation. He would glance at her and almost as if she could feel his stare she would look at him before he would look away. The children kept dinner lively with the details of their outting with their grandmother. After dinner, Sean helped the kids get ready for bed. Taylour and her mother put the food away.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or am I going to have to draw a picture?" Her mother asked handing her the last dish.

"Mom what are you talking about?"

"Taylour Denise Janiah Mitchell-Davis don't play with me! What is going on with you and Sean?" Taylour knew it was only a matter of time before her mother questioned her. Taylour never told her mother many details about her marriage.

"Nothing to tell mom. He's just helping more with the kids that's all."

"He looks like he's tryna' get a helping of you. Did you forgive him?"

"Forgive him?"

"For what he did. Cheating and all." Taylour bumped the counter at her mother's question. How did she even know that? All her mother knew was that he wasn't living at home but didn't know the details of why. No one did other than Mike and Sharice and they wouldn't tell. Taylour learned early in her relationship not to tell people anything whether good or bad about your relationship. Especially family. Somehow things will get twisted up or once you forgive your spouse for something your friends and family never will. Like a blemish that never goes away.

"How did you know?" She asked in a whisper.

"First off I'm a woman and your mother. I know you. If he did anything else you would have killed him not thrown him out."

"What about abuse?" Taylour asked leaning on the counter.

"Like I said anything else you would have killed him. Hahaha." They laughed.

"No mom I haven't forgiven him. Honestly, I don't know how or even if I want to. I just..." Taylour became silent as confusion and despair covered her face.

"I know he put a hurting on you baby. But you have to forgive him. God is the only one who can show you how to forgive him. You can't carry that pain baby. It's too much to carry let alone think about."

"Mom if I forgive him then what?"

"Then you live. Baby, you live your life."

"If I forgive him then I'll let him back in and I just can't do that. People will look at me like I'm a fool."

"To hell with people. They'll talk no matter what." Looking at Taylour her mother stood quiet and saw the real issue at hand.

" You know it's okay if you still want him back." Taylour looked at her mother and then away almost shocked that her mother was able to read her so well.

"Mom I don't even know if I-..." At that moment Sean came down the stairs. Her mouth agaped she straightened herself hoping he didn't hear their conversation.

"The kids are sleeping. I was thinking maybe I could come to get them tomorrow and take them to school Monday then bring them home Monday night." Avoiding eye contact she said,

"Sure that will be fine."

Sean then went to kiss his mother-in-law and say his goodbyes. Knowing he would make his way to Taylour she turned and opened the refrigerator looking for nothing. He looked at her for a moment then decided not to bother. He said goodnight and left.

"Smooth Taylour real smooth." Her mother smirked.

"I don't know what you're talking about mom." She smiled with her eyes.

"Like I was saying I don't know if I even want him back. He hurt me so bad mom and I'm not ready to just let that go and act like it didn't happen."

"Baby forgiveness doesn't take away from what happened. It did happen, he did cheat. But forgiveness is acknowledging it and saying I'm not going to carry this hurt or betrayal."

"But mom..."

" Let me finish. You know what I went through with your dad? I wanted to kill him with the little strength I had. I didn't know the first thing about forgiving someone for something that painful. I didn't know but God did. I had to pray and fast for the understanding to not only forgive but to be restored. I was scared to forgive him. If I forgive him, how will I protect myself from him because I still loved him and was afraid to be put back in that same situation and have him do the samething again. But it wasn't for me to protect me, God protects me. Jesus has my back. When a man cheats on you, you feel stripped, violated, betrayed, and emotionally raped. like you gave your all to someone you loved and trusted to have them take more than you had to give without your permission. Taking, taking, and taking leaving you with nothing. Baby, I know how you feel trust me. But I had to have Jesus restore what was stolen from me. I couldn't have been restored if I was too busy holding on to the pain. How can I get new furniture if I'm holding on to the beat-up uncomfortable furniture I have." Taylour began to cry at her mother's words. Appreciative that she didn't have to find words to convey how she felt because her mother knew firsthand exactly what she felt. Her mother pulled her into her arms and Taylour rested her head on her shoulder crying her hurt and frustrations as her mother rubbed her back in a comforting manner.

"Listen, Mama's not gone tell you nothing wrong. I'm not gon' tell you to get back with him and I'm not going to say to leave him. I won't even say think of the kids. It's not about that, the kids have him and they have you. You both have worked out a great system to parent Jay and Mel. But I will say think about what's best for you baby. What do you want and need? Forgiving takes time it doesn't happen overnight and rushing it isn't going to make you better in God's eyes. Take the time it will happen. Just decide for you. And in the meantime, he is still your husband so if you have to get it in on the sly you wouldn't be wrong." Taylour looked up at her mother with her tear-stricken face and began to laugh. Get it in... Leave it to her mother to point it out.

"What?! Haha be mad with him all you want but you gotta admit you have needs. Its nothing like getting what you need from someone who knows how to give you what you need how you need when you need it. Especially if he gives more than you Need..." Taylour laughed at her mother. Admitting to herself that Sean gave her exactly what she needed and better than she could ask for. They talked a bit more before her mother rushed out the door saying she had a date. Leaving quickly she threw that detail out scurrying before Taylour could interrogate her.

      Taylour could be very protective of her mother. She felt it was her duty, especially after her mother's divorce. Her mother couldn't dodge her forever, she too wanted answers. She didn't sleep the whole night. Thinking of her conversation with her mother and analyzing her feelings for Sean. She was passed confused between what she felt, what he had done, and where to go from there. Was it really okay if she wanted him back?