Friendship Never Dies (formerly called Silver Lining)

Friendship never Dies - Chapter 8

Sorry this is so late! I shall make it up to you, promise! Anyway, I've attached a song to this that isn't really in context with the chapter but it's a song that breaks my heart every time, so I thought it would kinda fit. Enjoy.

30SecondsToMadness =)xx

Chapter 8

About six months later and I still hadn’t got used to being separated from Nicole. Early one morning I was lolling on the sofa, not able to sleep, my mind buzzing when Kate arrived on our doorstep. She looked bedraggled and weak, hair knotty and her eyes puffy and red - she’d been crying. She still was. My heart filled with dread as I watched the tears dribble down her face and she tried to stutter out the words that I’d been anticipating since I had found out about Nicole’s illness. The sobs wouldn’t let the words through though, they clogged up her throat. She swallowed, trying to clear her airways so that she could breathe. Though it looked like the only thing she wanted to do right then was curl up in a dark corner and join Nicole. I ushered her inside, not quite in control of my emotions enough to look concerned about her. I sat her down in a chair and rubbed her back in sympathy. I looked straight at her and asked the obvious question,

 “What’s wrong?” My voice was thick with tears but I still tried to inject a bit of sensitivity into my tone. Even though I already knew the answer in my head, I still wanted to hear it out of Kate’s mouth, make sure I was right – my assumptions wouldn’t do anyone any good. She sat their blubbing for a few minutes. That really got on my nerves. I wasn’t grateful for the delay. I began to get impatient. “What is it?” I begged, sounding like a whiney little brat on Christmas morning. Kate cleared her throat again and sniffed broken-heartedly. “It’s- It’s Nic-Nicole” she choked out. The tears threatened to spill again so I took advantage of the fact that she’d finally said something and I leaned forward on to the edge of my seat and grasped her hands in mine. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I thought it might make her trust me. It seemed to work. She lifted her bowed head a little and looked up at me through her eye lashes. This time she spoke clearly. “She- She passed away this morning.” Her voice grew calm and the silver of her eyes dulled in defeat. She looked haunted. In films when people hear this they usually slump back in their seats and mutter something like “I don’t believe it” But that wasn’t the case with me. Because I did believe it. Wholeheartedly. I’d been expecting it but I still went into shock. I froze and my throat went dry and my eyes unloaded my grief, seemingly of their own accord. The drops whispered softly down my cheeks, welling up in my eyes and blurring my vision. I sat there, Kate’s hands between mine, frozen. I couldn’t even blink. We both sobbed silently for a while, a long moment of silent communication between us.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother creep into the room, a wary look on her face as she saw the heartbroken woman in front of me. “What’s wrong?” she repeated my question, but as soon as she saw our expressions, a look of horror flashed across her face. “Oh, God. Is it Nicole?” she gasped, shocked. Kate and I both nodded miserably in unison. Mum didn’t say anything. She just came and sat next to me, and put her arm around my shoulders. I turned my face to bury it in her pyjama top, making a soaking wet patch.

We sat there for an immeasurable moment, her cradling me back and forth like I was three. I certainly felt it. I felt so small, like everything was about ten times the size of me. The tears subsided finally, but then the masochistic part of my brain reminded me that I hadn’t even said a proper goodbye. That made my heart ache and I started crying again, verging on hysterical.

 Eventually, when we had stopped crying, Kate fished around in the pocket of her coat, searching for something. This puzzled me. What on earth could she be searching for? Finally, Kate’s hand resurfaced, clutching a crumpled and damp piece of paper, and handed it to me. I took it, absent-mindedly and unfolded it, careful not to tear the fragile letter in my hand. It took a while for my eyes to adjust, but when they did, the words cut through me, cleanly, but with the sweetest poison imaginable;

Rachel,

I’m sorry that we never got to say goodbye, and I doubt that we will see each other again. You have been the best friend that anyone could wish for, and I’m sorry that we didn’t have longer. I have missed you so much and I hope you understand. See you in heaven someday,

Love

Nicole

Xoxo

Those four lines started me crying again, though a weight had been lifted. We had said a goodbye – of sorts. I read the letter again and again. Nicole’s last letter. That made me feel sad, but not sad for me – for her. She would never, could never read, write, eat, see, hear or speak again. I could see the blots on the page, a shade darker than the actual paper, where Nicole’s teardrops had fallen and splattered the page with heartfelt sorrow. I felt her sorrow then, all the things she had been going through. It was like I was her. And I realised that I would carry Nicole, my best friend, in my heart forever.