Can You Keep a Secret?

Chapter 15 "Confessions"

I felt absolutely awkward to be back under Flame premises now that I had practically no one to talk to. The morning was awkward, lunch time was awkward, and now that I'm making my way towards the elevator, things were awkward, too.

I pressed the down arrow and waited for the elevator doors to open... only to find Misaki-senpai and Tsubasa side by side among the other three employees inside the elevator.

I froze. I wasn't really in the 'running-into-you-by-accident' mood right now.

The elevator operator looked at me expectantly, as if mentally telling me that if I didn't come in any moment now, she'd close the elevator doors and proceed with her life.

"I – uh..." I stuttered awkwardly. "You know what? I think I forgot something..." I pointed back at Natsume's office. "I guess I'd better go catch the next ride."

With that I twirled around and almost ran towards the inside of the office and shut the door behind me.

Natsume raised his head from the files he was reading. "I thought you went back to the hotel already," he said with no hint of interest in his voice.

I stepped away from the door and walked towards my desk. "I... forgot something," I said lamely.

Natsume said nothing and flipped the page. I looked at him in the corner of my eyes. We haven't really been talking much since last Tuesday. I guess I shouldn't have asked him that on the day of his birthday. I mean, he was already tired from handling that lawsuit a client almost filed (Natsume took care of it right away when we got back and succeeded in convincing the client to give shares to the company) but I still gave him another situation to stress about.

I opened my desk drawer and pretended to look for something. I didn't really want to go back out again right away since there was a ninety-nine percent chance that I run into Misaki-senpai and Tsubasa in the lobby if I left in the next five minutes... which was a risk I pretty much didn't want to take.

I sneaked another look at Natsume again and then went back to my desk drawer. This was what I was talking about earlier. This was being awkward.

"You won't find what you're looking for unless you know what it is," Natsume remarked, not taking his eyes off of what he was reading.

I paused and shuffled at my things again. "I do know what I'm looking for," I insisted, not really sure what I was talking about.

Natsume scoffed. "Oh yeah?" he asked closing the file folder he was holding and finally looking at me. "Tell me what it is then, Polka."

I raised my head at him. He always did that – first, not showing any sign of interest at what I was talking about or what I was doing and then he would look at me. I mean seriously look at me and see right through me. I was beginning to think that through the months we've been together, Natsume had already figured me out... which was also very unlikely because no one has ever figured me out before, not even my mother.

I remember when she'd randomly accuse me of something and I don't know what she's talking about and she tells me that I did this and that without my noticing it. She tells me that I'm always changing my mind and I couldn't focus on one thing even for a short time and that my mind always finds itself thinking about something else in the middle of, well, something else.

Like now.

"I..." I paused, thinking of what to say next, "was looking for my pen," I finally decided.

Natsume nodded once, as if trying to take it in. "Your pen?" he echoed.

I rummaged through my things again. "Yes. My pen," I said smoothly.