Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

The L Word

The L Word

My heart started thumping beneath my ribs. I had all but forgotten about Sarah and the delicious twenty-four hours we spent together. Everything was different now – I was with Lou now.

“Go on,” I said to Lou and Vic, “I’ll catch up with you.” I needed some privacy for this conversation. The night was dense and cold around me, my shallow breaths transforming into clouds around my mouth. I sought support against a dirty-grey lamppost and answered the call.

“Hi Lee,” Sarah said. “I’m going to be in London for a few days this week. I just thought I’d let you know.” It’s not as if I owed her anything, not a portion of my time, nor some of my attention. It’s not as if she’d been in touch. All Sarah Loqmani had done was drive me back into the arms of Claire Burns.

“I suppose we can have dinner. Are you staying with Vivian?”

“You suppose? I was expecting a bit more enthusiasm.” Someone had been schooled in displaying self-confidence – one of the effects of securing a book deal I presumed.

“Of course I would be very happy to see you, Sarah. But just so we’re clear, I have a girlfriend these days.”

“That’s great news. Is it Claire?”

“No, someone entirely new. Her name is Lou.”

“We need to talk, Lee. I need to tell you something.” My heart was still rumbling violently underneath all my layers of clothing. “I arrive on Wednesday. Are you free in the evening?”

“I can spare a few hours.” I tried to sound as unavailable as possible. Maybe a few hours was a bit too generous though.

“I’ll call you when I get in. I’m looking forward to it already.” I let my head fall back against the icy lamppost as the memories gushed over me. Temptation number one, I thought, while focusing hard on the image of Lou’s luscious, irresistible lips. Instead of strolling to Lou’s place I half-ran over there, anxious to see her face, to kiss her and surrender to the heat it sent through my flesh. Sarah would be no match for Lou, I was certain of that. 

On Wednesday evening I sat across from Sarah at a posh restaurant in Kensington – one I would never go to if I were paying. She had suggested it after I had declined to meet her at Vivian’s house like last time, when we hadn’t made it out all night. She looked stunning, almost breath-taking, like a new woman really, as if she had shed all the weight of her past and had re-invented herself as a bona fide glamour puss. I felt terribly under-dressed, but she said I looked good anyway.

“Look at you,” I said. “What happened?”

“Well, I have some news.” The waiter came over to refill our glasses, all the while Sarah kept her dark wide eyes locked on mine, a tiny smile playing at the edge of her mouth. “Arif and I are getting a divorce. It should be finalised next month.” I was hardly surprised. “Just in time for my book launch.” There were no more signs of the self-effacing, almost shy woman I met months ago. This was a new person, a brand new Sarah, and she looked hotter than ever. “I would really like you to come to Manchester for it.” I couldn’t help but wonder how many hearts she would crush in the future.

“Are you a lesbian now?” I asked, remembering the crimson blush the mere mention of the word had caused her when we first met.

To be continued…