It Takes As Long As It Takes

Chapter Four

Notes:

I just want to say thank you to all the readers who have been leaving comments and feedback. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there enjoying the story and it makes me excited to continue to write. Even the shortest comments make my day. Thanks folks!

Also, I've just started on tumblr (oforion4.tumblr.com) so please join me there if you're interested. I reblog a lot of Clexa. Questions and comments about the story, or Clexa, or the 100, or life in general welcomed there as well.

She didn't really know exactly how it happened, but here she was again, on Sunday morning, at the café.

She starting telling herself that it was because of habit and routine and her need for caffeine but eventually gave up trying to lie to herself. At least she gave it a good shot, she reasoned.

After her somewhat impulsive agreement to go out with Finn three weeks earlier, she had decided to also quit her weekly coffee date with no one, thinking that perhaps she could finally overcome this rather significant obstacle to happiness. Let it not be said that she didn't start out hopeful and determined.

She had gone out with Finn twice, and they were scheduled for a third date next week. Time spent with him had been pleasant and tame (with Finn being extra cautious after what transpired at the party), but it was definitely not enough to stop her from imagining how it would have been with a different person. With a very specific different person. The first time she failed to show up on Sunday, she received numerous nervous texts from Jasper who was concerned about her safety when he didn't see her at her table at her usual time. But instead of sleeping in or doing anything productive with her time like she had planned, she found herself awake and anxiously pacing her apartment, texting Jasper every half an hour to make sure he was watching the table (Yes, Clarke, I am working the entire day and Yes, Clarke, I was watching your table the entire time and No, Clarke, I didn't see someone who looked like a possible Lexa with short hair).

She thought she would feel the weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders after missing the first Sunday, but instead, she felt even more anxious and uneasy the entire week after. She managed to avoid the café the following Sunday as well, but was harassing Jasper so much that he finally just video called her and set his phone where it had a good view of the table for her to watch herself. She made him promise that that story was never getting out to their friends, in exchange for helping him set up a date with one of Octavia's model friends.

Well, at least she gave it a good shot, she thought again, sipping her coffee. She felt surprisingly at ease here, like a smoker taking her first drag of cigarette after falling off the wagon from two hellish weeks of abstinence. What a horrible, fitting analogy, she thought.

But she didn't want to think about it anymore. She knew she would have to one of these days. Have to honestly evaluate what she was doing and truly consider the more and more likely possibility that her efforts will be fruitless. But today was not that day. Today, she was going to revel in the feeling of giving in to her form of addiction, and release all of the anxiety and fear that had built up from not being here the past two weeks. Taking another sip of coffee under the winter sun, she knew she was where she belonged right now.

"Kid."

Clarke heard the greeting and knew who uttered it before she saw her. It was familiar. It was safe. It was one of the few words that was so closely associated with her happy past that it brought a smile every time she heard it. She finally looked up.

"Anya."

"Can I sit?"

"Of course. You know you're always welcomed anywhere I am."