While The Sun is Up

chapter 4 | the call

In all honesty, I still don't know how to begin this with. My phone almost slipped out of my trembling hands. I'm not ready for any explanations. Still too afraid to face the reality.

"Dean?"

"God Addie, finally!" he points out, elated by my decision of finally answering to his call after a dozen of tryouts. "Where have you been baby?"

I've been ignoring all of his calls, his existence.

"Don't baby me. And the real question is, where have you been? How much of an asshole are you to leave me like that? Why didn't you tell me about it earlier?"

Dean has been trying to speak his reasons, but I'd involuntarily bash in every time he tries to. I don't even understand why, it's just that I'm selfishly too hesitant to understand him. To give him the chance. I can't control my distasteful language. The anger is going out uncontrollably, and I'm mad at my self for this. What more of a bitchy girlfriend am I? Sue me.

"Now will you please let me talk? God dammit," blurts Dean, sounding very cold.

I can feel my lungs constricting to what he just said. My heavy eyes, with tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. I deserve this. I surely do.

A second later, I find my self sobbing on the phone call, terrified of entering another phase of fights and arguments. As far as I'm concerned, Dean and I always try our best to avoid it, even though there are times where it is inevitable. It's always the worst. It's always the times I pray so that it would never come.

He sighs, and murmurs, "I'm so sorry Adeline, I should've not...." -he pauses- "I should've stayed, or at least talk to you about it."

I splutter, "Yeah, no, you shouldn't. I mean like....I'm just scared.....scared at the thought of losing you..."

Because this is the truth.

"Don't even think about it because you're never gonna lose me. I love you so much. I wish I can give you a hug right now."

"I love you too."

Clearing everything off, he continues, "Really, Addie. I came to school, 2 days before going. My coach told me and these 2 other people about the training scholarship. It was everything that I could ever ask for, after you."

"Time wan't something I was offered with that time, believe me. It was either a yes, or  a no. I knew that this could be a room for me. To be better. To be the best."

"You're already the best to me."

"Don't make me regret doing this."

I laugh, finding that funny. "But really, you're already the best."

"Don't laugh at my misery and let my continue my story."

I can listen to Dean all night. His voice is my favourite lullaby.

"Fine fine, go ahead."

"Okay so, just to make sure, I asked my coach if I can at least inform my parents about it. And then, there it is. 5 minutes later, I found myself signing the paper. And the next day, I'm already due for my flight to Philly."

And I believe him. I try to understand, though it is harder than what I had thought. He's doing this for his future. He didn't leave me without a reason. He will be back. All I have to do now is provide him with the never ending support. The support  that we once promised to give whenever one of us requires it.