The Reptile Speaks

“I tell you, Etrina is a sure thing,” Skrol said, his glittery eyes looking out the window of their High School dorm room. 

“I – a what?” asked Bron. 

“You heard me.” 

“Yeah, I guess I did.” 

“You and Etrina, me and Tr’Dorna – it’s perfect! I mean, they’re Xindi Reptilians. They are the closest to Gorn girls we’re going to get here at Picard High School.” Skrol pointed out. 

“I suppose so.” 

“So you know what the rules are. It’s the Sadie Hawkins Dance. All of the messages for one week before are anonymous if you use the right code, up to five such messages. And so all of us guys are supposed to write to the girls and we make our cases. You’re not supposed to identify yourself in any way,” Skrol explained. 

“Yeah, I know,” Bron said, a tad annoyed. 

“And the girls pick whoever they want to go with!” 

“Right. And of course everyone should be nice, because the messages stop being anonymous the day after the dance,” Bron pointed out. 

“Our ancestors were not nice guys. And I don’t think Etrina is expecting that nice – if you know what I mean,” Skrol dug a claw into Bron’s ribs. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Don’t tell me you don’t like girls.” 

“I like girls plenty,” Bron said. 

“Well, you can’t have Tr’Dorna.” 

“That’s okay. You and Tr’Dorna look good together.” 

“You really think so? I like her teeth. She has the best teeth,” Skrol said. 

Bron laughed. “Good thing she’s not Ferengi then.” 

“Yep. So you’ll write to Etrina, okay?” Skrol stared at his roommate for a second. “She’s the only logical choice.” 

“Now you sound like a Vulcan.” 

“Don’t tell me you like one of the mammals,” Skrol shuddered. 

“It’s, just ….” 

“You do! In the name of all that’s cold blooded, whatever would possess you to try to go out with a warmie?” 

“Don’t use that word,” Bron said. 

“I’ll use whatever words I want. Look, I know Etrina and Tr’Dorna aren’t Gorn, but they’re pretty close. And they are fun girls. C’mon, you’ll have a good time, and you’ll forget all about the warmie.” 

“Skrol, I can’t just spend time with Etrina if I don’t, if I don’t feel anything for her.” 

“I’m not asking you to marry her. Just, will ya at least distract her while me and Tr’Dorna, uh, you know.” 

“So go to the dance by yourselves. You don’t need me for that.” 

“No, no, if Etrina doesn’t have a date, Tr’Dorna will get all upset and will want her to come along, and then my chances of seeing her tail are gonna be totally blown! Help a fellow scaly out, okay?” 

“Skrol ….” 

“Please? I’ll be your best friend.” 

“You already are my best friend.”