The Savage

Twenty Two

It wasn't until after dinner, Rose was sleep and Mamma knitting by the fire, that Frank ushered me gently out to the front porch. We settled in the dusky blue gray of twilight.

"Well? Let's have it."

"Father-"

"No. No more secrets. That was the deal."

"I...I do not know what I want, not anymore."

"Wind Runner make an offer to you?" His tone was casual but I slanted a look from the corner of my eye. Frank's expression was stiff.

"Yes." There was no point in lying, so I said it plainly. "He wants me as his wife."

"And?" His prompt was soft, although a little rough.

"We argued." I felt it starting again, my throat constricting, hot tears stinging my eyes. "He wants me to forget my white half, but...how can I? It's part of who I am. Isn't that what you've been teaching me for years?"

"Yeah," Frank leaned forward, clasping his hands together, elbows on his knees. "But Jaynie...life isn't always clear cut, its not all or nothin', this or that, an' it's not a happy blend of everything either. We have to make our own way, try an' cut our trail best we can. I've taught you best I can for life here in town with us, but Butterfly, if you decide you want to be Kimimela...you don't have to take Jaynie with you. You can leave her right here."

"I can?" Startled, I felt my pulse spike. "What do you mean?"

"How much of a white man's life are you gonna really need livin' with the Sioux? Not enough to worry about I reckon, so if that's what you choose, don't fret over it."

"Is it that easy?"

"I didn't say easy," he turned his head to look at me. "I said it was a choice. Nothin' about life is easy, not even the good bits. Wind Runner makes you happy, and you want to go that route...go." I could see he was struggling now. "Your ma and I, that's all we really want for you."

"If you'd said that to me a week ago," shaking my head, I leaned forward too. "I would already be deep in those hills, racing into his arms. Now? Father...I just don't know what's right for me anymore."

"You startin' to think maybe Toby Whitney is an option?"

"Frank!"

"Hey, I wasn't the one gawkin' at him earlier." He was teasing me now, and I couldn't help but grin.

"Maybe I was, but only because he's kind to me. It's strange."

"I don't reckon any of us figured on a white man makin' eyes at you, Butterfly, not after all that trouble over Sam Hayes."

"He and Bobby brought that on themselves," I defended, and Frank grinned crookedly at me.

"Yeah, but keep that to yourself. It's been mostly forgot by now...unless you got something you wanna add? You never did much complainin' about those days, when you could've hunted them down yourself..."

"Who said anything about Wind Runner? No one can prove he cut off Sammy's ear lobes." I affected innocence, batting my lashes. Frank stared a moment then scowled, shaking his head.

"I shoulda known." He didn't sound mad, so we sat in silence for a little while.

"Father?"

"What?"

"Will you always be my father?"

"What's that mean?" Turning to face me now, Frank looked into my eyes. I studied him acutely, trying to absorb every detail of his features.