Hostages (Book 2)

Chapter 38

"It might have been just a kiss to you but was something much more than that to him. I said that,but I didn't think that you would pick the most stupid decisions out of the two! Niall hurt you Aria and then he comes back thinking that he could walk all over you and your letting him!"

What Zayn was saying was really getting to me. My paranoia about Niall playing another one of his games couldn't be true,it can't be. Not after how deep I realized I've come. It made my throat start to clog up. "That's not true."

"Yes it is! Niall came back here thinking he can use you and you let him the minute you allowed him to put his hands on you."

I shut my eyes and slowly started shaking my head.

"How could you do something so stupid as to let Niall near you,to even let you do something so wrong as go behind Zachary's back?. . .Niall wronged you in numerous ways and yet you're still obeying him,giving him everything he wants. Remember that."

And then he left. His footsteps sounded away from me and back into the kitchen. I was right, Niall was just toying with me all over again. Zayn was right,I was obeying him without even knowing it. He didn't share half as much of the feelings as I do.

The man got under my skin long ago but the feeling turned into something different just recently,maybe it was to recently. Too recently for me to actually degrade myself and go behind someone's back,someone who has done nothing of the sort when it came down to my heart and trust. Maybe it was just that moment ,maybe I was caught up in the moment and what happened,happened.

. . Who am I kidding?

I walked back the kitchen with my head slightly lowered but not too much to cause suspicion,the others seemed to be laughing and joking with one another,including Niall,so no one realized my facial expression. I was really lying to myself when I said that it was 'in the moment',it surely doesn't feel in the moment. Whenever I'm by myself or without Niall in general it doesn't feel in the moment,like I said,the feelings of Niall consumes me,it's probably the best feeling which makes me wonder why he out of all people brings that. It leaves me wanting more, it gives the giddy feeling like I'm crushing in elementary. Was yesterday a lie? Yeah it was only 24 hours but I haven't felt that way in a long time. When I fell asleep in his room, in his Axe cologne drenched sheets, when he woke me up for dinner, when we had the meaningful conversation before all of that, that pact we made each other. That smile on both of faces. I needed that feeling,I needed it to distract me and it did just that. Niall did just that. The compliments,the gestures. . .was all a lie?

I just set myself up again for another failed connection. Niall was my abuser! He obviously didn't like me when we met so why now does it have to be different? Unless it wasn't,and he was just using me.

Before I could stop it, a audible sob pushed past my closed lips,bmy shoulders slumped making me clamp my hand over my mouth. But it was to late because gained everyone's attention. Silverware stopped clanking on plates, laughs and jokes stopped and I felt the wind of Niall's head snapping my way. Everything grew quiet as I shut my eyes and finally allowed myself to cry.

I don't know why, but I felt this painful ache in my chest.

"Aria?" Louis' cautious, curious, sad filled voice called to me.

Makes no sense in hiding it and for the first, I didn't feel like being my normal sarcastic self. I raised my head and my eyes fell on Zayn. My cheeks were probably already rosy from the many sobs I transformed into tears but his face was blank,no emotion as he looked right back at me. The hot tears were on my face when I barely shook my head as I thought that I couldn't be in here, not looking like this. I pushed my chair back, and jumped out of it.