On The Run: Part Two

Chapter Twenty - "Side Effects"

I really didn’t like that weepy version of myself. That wasn’t who I wanted to be.

Before I knew it, I heard the jangle of keys and the front door swung open.

“Hey,” Sarah said, walking into the living room, and slumping onto the La-Z-Boy.

“Hi,” I said, sitting up, “Tired?”

“I thought the day would never end.”

I wanted to ask about Fitch.

It was in my mind and at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I remembered the pang I’d felt as he said, “I can’t do this anymore.” But more than that, it was the finality of feeling like I was being deleted from his life. Just like that.

A part of me was a little mad. I kept getting left behind, and Fitch was one person who I’d always thought was a constant, so I was a little angry that I’d been holding on so tight to a string of possibilities, and he’d just cut that string right through the middle. I never got angry, but I will admit that a small part of me was a little mad.

But like I said, with time, the big picture became clearer.

Did I want to spend my days looking forward to five p.m. when I could head over to the Madison County Jailto see my boyfriend? Or did I want to give up the love of my life for a chance at finding myself, as I held on to the hope that when he got out of jail, he’d still want to be with me?

I loved Fitch so much. God, it surprised me sometimes how much I simply adored him. And I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with him. On the other hand, I hated the extreme dependency that I felt; it was like I was disappearing into him, without a personality or dream of my own.

My life was wrapped completely around his, and I felt like – as he intended, I suppose – the minute he’d severed us, I’d started to wonder who I was; what I wanted. I’d found my imagination. I’d found it with Fitch; because of Fitch, and now, it was wandering.

Sarah had said, “Discover yourself without him, while I try to get him out faster, so that you might be able to work it out. You never know what you’ll find if you don’t look.”

Well, here’s to discovery.

“Did you have dinner?” Sarah asked, breaking my thought process. That seemed to be the trend lately. Well, that was the point of distractions, wasn’t it?

“No, but Consuela left some couscous in the fridge,” I replied, sitting upright.

“We could go out. If you want,” she said.

I smiled, “Okay.”

“Good. I’ll go get changed,” she said, getting up.

She was wearing a beige blazer, ankle-length pants and a dressy top, and I was in pajama bottoms and a tank top. I looked down at myself and wondered how people could be at such extreme ends of class.

“Me too,” I murmured.

“First, I have something to show you,” she said, stopping in her tracks. I followed her as she led me down the hall to the room door next to hers.

“Close your eyes,” she said.

I eyed her warily, but shut my eyes anyway, and let her take my hand and lead me into the room. I heard a light switch pop on.

“Okay. Open up.”

I did, and let my eyes adjust slowly to the room. It was huge; that was what I noticed first. Then I took in the contents.