Reckless ~ Sequel to Shameless {Bellamy Blake}

20~ Remembrance

The light sleep that I had finally drifted into, after the worst nightmare I've ever had, is interrupted by feeling the bed dip and a feeling of emptiness consume me. 

"Mmm." I groan as I feel against the sheets where Bellamy was laying and find it empty. 

"I'm right here, baby girl, I'm just getting dressed." His voice sounds distant, probably because he's across the room. 

I can almost feel my body's relief as my eyes flutter open. I look over at Bellamy, who's pulling a black t-shirt over his head. "Clarke came by and said they're burying Finn today." Bellamy slips off his sweatpants. "I didn't know if you wanted to go." He then slips on army green pants. "I told her you had a rough night." He brings his hands to his hair, ruffling it around to give it the perfectly messy look. "She looked like she hadn't slept either."

I stay laying in bed, my head resting against Bellamy's pillow, my hand still reaching out to his side of the bed. "Where are they burying him?" 

"They're giving his body to the people of Tondc." Bellamy says, slipping on one of his shoes and tying it. "Lexa said that because Clarke didn't give them their justice, they're giving his body to them."

I sit up slowly, my eyes still adjusting to the light. "How is that a burial?" I question.

"It's not." Bellamy answers slipping on his other shoe. "It's more of a ritual." He finishes tying his shoe and looks up at me from his seated position on the other side of the room. "They're burning him."

I stay silent, thinking of the irony of the situation. We burned 300 of their people and now their burning one of ours. 

"It's a two day trip." Bellamy continues. "I understand if you don't want to go." His eyes turn concerned. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"I want to go." I say, avoiding his last question. 

Bellamy rises from his chair, "Are you sure?"

I pull the sheets of the bed back, standing and going to get dressed. "I'm sure." I walk over to my dresser and pull out a pair of black jeans, a black tank top and one of the guard jackets. "I told you," I walk over to him, still in my pajamas. "We're in this together. I'm never leaving you."

Bellamy places his hand on my cheek, his thumb rubbing right under my eye. "Together." He breathes before placing his lips upon mine.

***

My hands scrape against the metal of my gun as we continue the walk from Arkadia to Tondc. Bellamy is standing next to me, his gun at the ready, as Clarke, Raven, Murphy and the majority of the Sky People walk in front of us, the Grounders behind us. 

I fight the urge to want to think about my dream last night. Of course, I've had my share of nightmares since coming to the ground, but none like that one. None where the person I love the most is dead and I felt trapped inside my own personal hell. The crunch of the leaves underneath my combat boots makes my stomach turn. The familiar sound, taking me back to the dream. The darkness enveloping me, the leaves cutting my feet, the blood...oh, the blood everywhere-

"Hey," A voice breaks my thought. I look up and see Clarke looking back at me, with concerned eyes. "Are you okay?"

I nod, swallowing hard, forcing myself to not think about it. "I'm fine."

"Bellamy said you had a rough night last night." Clarke says. My eyes shift and I look at Bellamy, his sole purpose being to get to Tondc as fast as possible, not even paying attention to the fact that Clarke had slowed down to talk to me. 

"Yeah." I whisper. "Enough talk about me," I remember what Clarke went through last night, nothing compared to what I went through. "How are you doing?"

"Yeah." Clarke whispers, repeating my action. 

I watch the Sky People in front of us carefully, "You did the right thing."

Clarke chuckles, sarcastically. "Sure doesn't feel like that."

"Clarke," I look over at her, then back at the Grounders behind us. "They would have tortured him. He would have gone through so much pain. You saved him from that."

"Now I get to live with it." Clarke mumbles, picking her pace back up and walking ahead of me. 

I breathe out loudly. I hope this ritual goes fast. Watching Finn die set a fire inside of me that isn't going to die anytime soon. Watching one of us die...makes me want to kill every living thing that isn't us in Mount Weather. Makes me want to do anything and everything to get our people back. Which scares me. Who knows what I'm capable of. Who knows what I'll do to get them back...Jasper, Monty...all of them.

***

We've been walking for God knows how long. I don't want to stop walking. I don't want it to get dark and the forest take the same scene as my dream. But it will. It already has. 

In the distance I see the sun setting. I look over at Bellamy, whose face is monotone. His eyes are steady to the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays before twilight beckons the stars. I watch the sun fall behind the horizon, painting the sky shades of red and pink. It was sunset. I watched with an unwavering gaze, as a fiery red orb of light slowly sank beneath the horizon, and threads of light lingered in the sky, mingling with the rolling clouds, dyeing the heavens first orange, then red, then dark blue, until all that was left of the sunset was a chalky mauve, and then that melted away in turn as stygian darkness took over the sky. Sequin-silver stars like the glowing embers of a dying fire winked down at me, illuminating the atramentous curtain of sky, and then suddenly the clouds parted, and I found myself looking at a lustrous, argent disc casting brilliant rays of moonlight onto the dark grounds.

That's when I realized we had stopped. I look around at the Grounders mounting off their horses and setting up camp for the night. The Sky People followed them, but for some reason, even though their is a truce, their is an invisible divide between the Grounders and the Sky People. There isn't a line or a wall separating the two, but it was almost instinct. 

Until I see Clarke, the brave soul she embraces showing, as she sets her sleeping back right next to a Grounder. I smile slightly, watching slowly as things start to change. The Sky People growing more comfortable and smiling and laughing at some bad joke their friend said. Everyone settling in to sleep, without the fear of death. Without fearing one another. 

I walk over to one of the horses and strip a black sleeping bag from it's back, petting it as I walk back around it to set it up. 

"Tatum." Bellamy's voice comes from behind me. I turn and see him standing at a more secluded area of the camp, no one around for a couple of yards. 

I smile to myself as I walk over to him. That's when a feeling of nostalgia hits me. I'm brought back to that terrible nightmare and Bellamy isn't standing in front of me with a warm smile on his face, but he's lying there, blood pouring from his chest as his lifeless body pales. 

"Tatum." Bellamy demands and I blink my eyes, trying desperately to pull myself out of that state of mind. Bellamy walks forward and takes the sleeping bag from my hands and pulls me into his chest. A small gesture, but one that made everything feel okay again. "Come here." Bellamy whispers, pulling me towards the sleeping bag already spread out on the ground. "You can have my sleeping bag."

"No." I object pulling him down with me. "We'll share." I whisper.

He nods, but I can see the smile he's trying to hide on his lips. He climbs in next to me and pulls me into him. I rest my head on his chest and focus on listening to his heartbeat, reminding myself that he's alive. He's alive and I love him. 

"I love you." I whisper my voice going out from the tiredness. 

"I love you too." Bellamy says, his voice equally tired. 

I try to say something else but find myself slowly falling into the darkness of sleep.