Chapter 1

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                                                  * 4 years later*

                                                          Taehyung's p.o.v

I was walking through  Seoul . People looked at me with disgusted faces . What do you expect ? I'm ugly as hell . I know that very well . Hopefully my father won't find me here . I don't want him to annoy me with this stupid  Bang Si - Hyuk again . Bang Si - Hyuk is on of his best friends . He is the owner of Big Hit entertainment and he want's to create an new Band but there's is one member missing - me . I always wanted to be in a band but when I realized how untalented I am I gave up on that dream. I mean what is somebody like me doing in a perfect Kpop band ? I'd only be the reason for not getting famous . There where several times I wanted to end my life but everytime I was about to end it my father held me back . Suddenley someone held me from behind and I jumped up . "Boy you gotta' chill down . It's me . " my father laughed behind me . I turned around . " Sorry I was in deep thoughts " I excused myself . Right after this sentence left my mounth I noticed a man who oviously was Bang Si- Hyuk . I sighed annoyed . " I told you guys I don't want to be a singer anymore . I gave up on that dream a long time ago !" I said annoyed . I turned around and wanted to walk away . My father grapped my arm and forced me to turn around . "KIM TAEHYUNG ! YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A SINGER AND I KNOW HOW TALENTED YOU ARE HOW MUCH YOUR HEART REALLY WANTS IT ! I WON'T LET YOU SLEEP UNTIL YOU FINALLY AGREE!" my father shouted and everybody looked at us . Wooow Dad thanks for making us an attraktion . I sighed I need to agree I'm forced to . I nodded . "Alright . I'm going to be a member." I finally agreed ." For real ?!" Bang Si-Hyuk asked happily . I nodded. "That's incredible ! Pack your suitcase and just come to this place by tomorrow . At about 10:00 a.m. don't be late !" he gave me a piece of paper on which the adress was written on and walked away . " Are you statisfied now ? " I asked my father with an annoyed tone in my voice . " You should know that I did it for you . I don't want you to throw your life into the trash " my father explained me . I nodded . My life is useless.

I was sitting infront of my laptop . I was on facebook . Tears aleady streaming down my face . My full page was full of things like 'Taehyung you really are the most useless thing I have ever seen in my whole life ' ,' I'd rather be in a realitationship with my own shit than talking with you '. Im not crying because of what they say to me . I cry because I know that everything what they are saying is right . I closed my laptop and made my way to the bathroom . I opend the drawer which was  below the sink and took out a small box . I firstly took out an old pic of Chim Chim . The boy I was still loving with all of my heart. It was the only thing I had left from him . He is the only one that can make me forget about all my proplems . Whenever I think of him I feel save . Whenever I think of him I think of perfectness . He's the only one for who I'd do EVERYTHING. Chim Chim if you can hear my thoughts : "I need you" I stared at the pic for about 10 minutes before I put it back in the box again . Now I took a razor blade . I placed it on my left arm and cut as deep as I could . It was hurting . I bit my teeth together . That's my punishment for being such a waste . I cut 3 times before I put the razor blade back in the box . I took some toilet paper to wipe the blood off my arm . I left the bathroom very clean so my dad won't notice anything and took the box with me . I fastly packed my suitccase  because I was very tired and wanted to go to bed . When I finally was done packing I troped on my bed and fell asleep. 


I woke up with the sound of my alarm clock . I sighed and stood up . "Argh" I said in pain . I looked at my arms . These cuts yesterday are very deep . Good job . I yawned as I stood up an walked to my dresser. I took out the first things I saw (of course it had to be a sweater so none can see my cuts) and walked into the bathroom to wash myself. When I was finally done with my morning routine I walked down the stairs with my suitcase . "Hey . Wanna' eat something ? " my dad asked even though he already knew the answer . " No " I said . "Taehyung you are under weight please eat something you are NOT fat " my father said . "No" I still said . I don't want to eat anymore it makes me just being more fat than I already am . Why do I need to be so fat ? " Oh Taehyung it's time for you to go . I'll miss you so much " my father said and hugged me . "Don't lie " I answered . My father didn't reply and just kept hugging me until I freed myself from his arms and left the house . None likes me . It's a waste to like me . And it's impossible to LOVE me .


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