When the end is a new beginning

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Erik was in his room, trying to concentrate on his homework and failing, when the doorbell rang. He frowned, wondering who this might be, and went downstairs to open the door.

"Charles?"

It was indeed Charles. He was looking at Erik sheepishly with a nervous smile, hugging his schoolbag close to his chest as if shielding himself with it. Erik didn't know what to make of this. After what happened this morning, he thought it'd be better if he kept his distance from Charles for a while.

Erik had cursed himself a lot of times for his stupid feelings. But none of those times had he cursed himself more vigorously than today. This morning when Charles encouraged him to go to the dance with someone else - with someone who was not Charles - was a wake up call for him. Charles was not really his boyfriend. Charles did not care about him in any way other than having someone to try new sexual things with. He knew that from the start but this morning was still like a slap in his face. The realization that Charles did not love Erik the way Erik loved Charles, broke his heart. Yes, there was no denying it now - Erik was in love with Charles.

"Hi, Erik..." Charles said, awkwardly; the name coming out of this particular mouth, sending strange vibrations throughout Erik's body. "May I come in?"

Erik wordlessly opened the door wider, letting Charles in.

He was genuinely surprised why was Charles here at all. With the dance on Friday, and with Charles' enthusiasm for them to go with different partners, Erik expected Charles would be searching for someone to go to the dance with. Why would his friend waste his time on spending the afternoon with Erik and doing homework was beyond him.

"I didn't expect you today." he mumbled

Charles made a few steps but froze when he heard Erik's words. He abruptly turned around to face the taller boy.

"I'm sorry I'm here, Erik. I know you don't want me around now. I wouldn't be here if your mother didn't ask me to." he blurted out, talking faster than ever. "Not that it's her fault, she doesn't even know what's going on... Or at least I suppose she doesn't." he was babbling now. "Not that there's something going on but there is something, isn't there?"

He paused. Wet blue eyes looking up at Erik, pleading. Pleading for what? Erik was confused.

"It's okay. You can stay. It's fine." Erik replied, trying to steady his breathing.

Just seeing Charles here, looking so damn perfect, was enough to make him want to forget everything else in the world and pull him into a tight embrace, kiss him, shout mine to the whole world and keep Charles by his side forever. But if he tells Charles that, he'll just scare him off and lose him completely.

Charles swallowed and sat down on the couch. Neither of them dared suggesting they go up to Erik's room. Somehow that felt like something the other wouldn't want.

"So... classes today, huh! Wow..." Charles started some awkward small talk that made no sense

Erik tried to play along. "Yeah. It was... yeah." Playing along - failed.

"And that Mr. Shaw. Talk about an ass!" Charles rolled his eyes

It all felt so forced. Erik couldn't take it.

"Why are you really here, Charles?" he blurted out

"Umm. I told you... Your mother..." Charles mumbled

"No. Why are you here?" he repeated slowly, his voice soft "You can easily just go. My mother wouldn't be angry and won't ground you or something.

Charles frowned. "Erik, is everything alright?" he asked "You're not exactly yourself lately and even Mrs. Lehnsherr's began worrying."

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