EDGE.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I laid in bed wrapped up in blankets in the complete darkness, wide-awake. I remembered Drake telling me to try and sleep, and kissing me on the forehead before disappearing into the kitchen. I knew there was no chance of him leaving me alone, and I predicted that he would be spending the night on the couch. I clamped my eyes shut when I heard the door open, and Lacey tiptoe in and crawl into the bed.

“Brookey, I don’t hate you.” She whispered before letting herself drift off to sleep. It didn’t matter if she hated me or not, she would always hold a grudge against me for that. Part of me regretted punching her, but the other part was glad I did it. She needed to put in her place eventually; I just never thought that I would’ve been the one to do it.

I laid awake all night long. I considered taking some more sleeping pills, but I couldn’t move. I pondered weather I would see Eli or Logan again anytime soon, or when I would go back to work.

“Brooke?” Called Drake from the doorway. The sun peeked through the curtain leaving a ray of sunlight striped across the bed, daring the rest of the sunlight to illuminate the room. He walked in and set down a mug of coffee next to me and lightly kissed my forehead. It touched me that he stayed all night to make sure I was alright, but I knew I didn’t deserve it. I cheated on him, and he didn’t deserve that. He should’ve been long gone, but I knew he was still clueless that anything had happened. I could feel the guilt swallowing me up.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. He kneeled down beside me and took my hands in his.

“Me too.” He whispered back. He kissed my fingers and lightly put a hand behind my back to help me sit up.

“Come on.” He mumbled, taking my hand and escorting me to the bathroom. He helped me strip down and filled up the bathtub with warm water. It felt refreshing to be cleansed of the awful stench of cigarette smoke and vodka. He washed my hair for me, gently massaging my scalp and making sure no shampoo got into my eyes. I knew he couldn’t take seeing me cry anymore.

“I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he whispered into my ear. My heart pumped and I wished he knew what an awful person I was and what a terrible thing I did. I didn’t deserve him.

After he got me all cleaned up, he wrapped me in a towel and hugged me until I was dry. He was so warm and strong and I knew that as long as I was wrapped in his embrace, not a single thing could harm me. He kissed my jagged crimson lines resting upon my wrist as well as the ones tarnishing my hips. I lifted his head up and planted my lips on his, not being able to thank him any other way.

His hands held my face ever so gently; like he was kissing a sheet of thin glass that he had to be extra careful with. That’s basically what I was. I was a small, fragile mess. He helped me into some shorts and one of his t-shirts that I had from a while back. It still smelled like him and I wanted to swaddle myself in it forever.

We sat with our legs intertwined on the couch watching old movies and cartoons for hours until Lacey woke up and joined us. Her nose was beginning to bruise and it was covered in a Hello Kitty bandage, making her look quite foolish. It almost got a smile out of me. I didn’t know if it was possible to smile after my psychotic episode the night before.

***

Throughout the day I got talking more and more. I was getting more and more comfortable than I had right after the incident happened, but it still heart somewhat to speak.

“You getting sleepy yet?” Drake asked, handing me his beer bottle. I took a swig and shook my head.

“Just the opposite, actually.” I responded. I had this planned in my mind since this morning, but I had just then decided to put it into action. Drake’s expression had confusion written all over it. I slid my finger into his front pocket and dragged him into the bedroom. Lacey still sat on the couch diving into a bowl of popcorn, and I knew she wouldn’t look up from her show for anything.

I threw Drake onto the bed and straddled him, throwing my mouth onto his and letting my hands travel downwards, lifting his shirt up and over his head. Drake’s hands grabbed my sides and pulled me closer as I slid my tongue in and out of his mouth. I slid his t-shirt off of my head and tossed it onto the floor.

“Brooke, what are you doing?” inquired Drake. I could sense that he was on to me. I didn’t respond and continued kissing him. He flipped me over so he was on top of me and allowed his hands to move all over. I didn’t try to stop him. I grabbed his hands and moved them down to the zipper on my shorts, and he got the message, slowly tugging them off. I fondled his buckle, finally wrestling it off.

“Brooke…” He stated, voice full of worry. He was unsure of how I was acting. Less than 24 hours ago I was crying out in pain on the ground next to a run-down gas station, and now I was begging for him to get me out of my panties. I shut him up by jamming my tongue into his mouth again, and sucked on his lower lip while moving his hands downwards. I grabbed his bulge, gently massaging it as he moaned. I tugged his jeans off and let his hands feel me up all over, hoping to turn him on even more.

His hand tugged off my panties, immediately plunging a finger into my entrance. His thumb rubbed my clit as he dove in with another finger, making “come here” motions as he traveled back and forth. I was getting so wet; I couldn’t help but throw my head back and moan. His mouth attacked my neck, sucking hard. I moved my hips upwards, begging for more. I flipped him over so I was in dominance, and tugged his boxers off.

           His erection popped up and I gave him a sexy smirk before I began stroking it, jacking him harder and faster gradually. Once I could tell that he didn’t know if he could get any harder, I touched my tongue to his tip, licking all the way up to his navel. I traveled back down, and slid it into my mouth, listening to him moan and groan. My plan was working.

           I fixed myself on top of him and whispered in his ear, “I’m ready.”

           “No you aren’t.” He replied. I was cross.

           “Yes, I am. I want it. I want it now.” I spread my legs, inviting him in.

           “No, Brooke. You don’t want this.” He said lightly pushing me off of him.

           “Everything is turning to shit, and you are the only one who can make me feel better. Come on drake, I know you have wanted this.” I figured I had caused him enough pain, so I would give him something he wanted in return, while also making sure I was a complete piece of shit, but getting out of the way the only thing keeping me pure. In a way, I was looking for something else to make me even sadder. Icing on the cake. My heart was racing and my head was pounding and I felt my breathing quicken.

“No, Brooke. I know you better than that. I love you more than I could ever express, but I’m not going to let you throw away your life. I know you don’t want this and I would never let you do something you would regret.” Part of me knew he was right, but what was the point in staying “pure” anymore? I was already the lowest scum that the Earth could ever posses, and nothing mattered anymore anyway.

“Nobody wants me, Drake. You are the only person I can trust or who loves me. But now it’s obvious that you don’t really want me. Nobody does. I…” I couldn’t finish; I was choking on my own tears.

“Of course I want you! You are all I have ever wanted, Brooke. I love you more than life itself and I couldn’t care about you more, but I know what you’re doing.” He got up and put his clothes back on, and helped me with mine.

“You need sleep. Get cozy and I’ll make you some tea, ok?” I nodded and watched as he left. Fuck. I couldn’t even get my own boyfriend to have sex with me. I wanted to slit both of my wrists and let myself bleed out until my existence was demolished, but I knew I couldn’t. I was being watched like a hawk.

I took off my shorts so I was in only my panties and Drakes shirt and enfolded myself within the countless amounts of blankets. Drake came in with some hot green tea with milk and sugar twirling around inside of it, and two sleeping pills.

“Sleep well, gorgeous.” He whispered while stroking my hair back behind my ear. He laid a kiss next to my eye and joined Lacey in the living room. I swallowed the pills and tried to gulp down as much of the tea as I could before fading away into a deep state of sleep, making me disregard my own self-hatred.