Merther AU- Why fear Death?

Chapter 13

Merlin's POV:

It's been a week. A week since I saw them together. Arthur has tried calling and texting, but I ignore them. Whenever I see him in the hall I turn the other way, and after class I run out before he can catch me. And the few times he came to my house, I refused to answer the door.

Arthur never gave up though. He may have stopped texting and calling, but he did still tried to presume me at school. There were a few times he caught me, but I managed to come up with an excuse as to why I couldn't stay and talk.

And today... Today was the day...

I wore a black tux, with a black tie. My aunt got it. I had no money, so she had to get it. Mainly because I 'had' to look fancy.

When I got to the funeral, my aunt gave me a big hug, and fixed my tie. She said she was glad I could make it, and that she's thankful her sister's son (me) was here to speak. I just smiled and nodded to everything she said.

"Ok, I think he's had enough." A mans voice sounded, scaring me a little. I looked over to see my dad. He patted my back, and smiled at my aunt. "Don't go scaring the boy. He might not be able to stand up there now." He laughed.

"Oh come on. He knows what he's going to say." My aunt smile. "He has notecards. He wrote them, so he can knows what he's going to say."

"Did he write them, or did you?"

"Ok. I may have helped him... A lot..." My aunt confessed. "Who cares. He'll do great."
_
After everyone sat down, and the funeral started, the priest went up a spoke. "So we are gathered here today, to honor the memory of Hunith Geoffrey." He paused. "Her son, Merlin has some things to say... So if you'd like to come up..."

I stood and slowly made my way to the front. I walked up the few stairs, and turned to the crowed. I pulled the note cards out of my jacket pocket, and as I was about to speak, i saw him. Arthur. And his family. His mom, dad, and sister. They watched from the back. But the only one I was think of was Arthur.

I looked down at the note card. I let them slip out of my hands, and closed my eyes. I took a breath, before speaking. I opened my eyes. "I-I..." I stuttered. "I came up here to speak... But, they weren't my words... But I was given cards to read. And you know what? Those words aren't from the heart..." I looked down at my feet, before looking up again. "My mom would have loved to hear something from me... Even if the words were off some script I was given... But I have her nothing.... So today I am speaking, but it's not off some script. Because these are the words I wish I could have told her, before..." I paused, letting the tears spill out. "She was the most amazing person I ever meet. And I know, that's what every child would say about their parent... But I'm not just talking about her like she was my mom. Because she was my friend too. She had been my only friend for my whole life. I never had anyone else. She was the one I confined in. That I shared all my secrets with. That I talked too... That kept me safe.
"If you knew her, and I mean truly knew her, you'd know she loved and cared for everyone. If she could have, she would have let in a thousand strangers that had no home. But she didn't have enough to give... She had nothing to give..." I looked out the church windows. "I really wish she could have meet someone before she passed... She would have really wanted to see him again... Sure you can't rely on him, but he means well... And who knows, he might have prevented the..." I cut myself off, realizing something.
'
I did it... I killed her... She got into that crash after she dropped me off at home. If I would have stayed at school, she wouldn't of had to leave work... She wouldn't have gotten into the car crash... It's all my fault...'

My breath gets caught in my thought, and I can't breath. I hear people in the crowd start to mermer. I realized I stopped talking, and had just been standing there for a minute, not saying anything. So I swallowed and said, "I'm sorry..." And stepped off the stage. Instead of going back to my seat, I walked straight for the door. Tears streamed down my face, and I ran for the door.

As the door shut behind me, I heard people start to talk. I threw myself onto the ground, and cried. I grabbed my tie, and undid it. I let the tears fall, as I sat there.

I heard the church door open and close, and someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked up, Arthur. I slapped his hand away, and got to my feet. "Leave me alone..."

"Merlin... Come on. You can hate me later, just let me comfort you..." He said.

"Why? So you can go and kiss someone else, and hurt me more? Make me feel even worst then I already do?" I asked sharply.

"Merlin, I didn't kiss her-" I cut him off.

"I don't care!" I snapped. "Why'd you come anyway? I mean there's no point in coming! I never wanted to see you again! And you came on the worse day ever!" Arthur grabbed my wrist, and pulled me close. I shoved him away, and backed up.

"Merlin, I'm sorry. I made you a promise... And you may not want me here, but I still made a promise... And I always keep my promises..." He spoke softly.

A minuet passed, and I finally spoke. "I wish you never kept your promise..." I closed my eyes, and let more tears fall. "I wish my mom never died..."

"Everyone wishes that... She didn't deserve to die..." Arthur replied.

"It's my fault, you know? That my moms dead..." I whispered.

"No it's not..." Arthur whispered back.

I thought for a moment. "You're right... It's yours. If I never meet you... None of this would have happened... So just... Go away. Leave me alone... Don't keep your promises, cause they mean nothing to me..."

"Merlin..."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled. And a few seconds later the church doors opened. "OK?! THAT'S WHAT YOU CAN PROMISE ME!... Just leave me alone! I don't care about what happened last week! I don't care about meeting you! I don't care anymore! Because..." I look away.

"Merlin..." He steps towards me, and I glare at him.

"Don't came near me!" I snapped. "I will never forgive you! For everything you have done..." I stepped back.

I turned and began to walk to my car. "Where are you going?" My aunt asked.

"Home. I can't be here any longer. I don't need this right now..." With that I left. Everyone stood at the door, and watched me leave.

That night I went to my moms room, and slept in her bed. I let the smell of her soap suffocate me into sleep. I had no dreams that night. I had nothing. Not even a picture or sound. It was just darkness, and white noise.