To Learn Compassion

3

'Hello?'
'Err- who's calling?'
'Guess, doc.'
I hear shuffling and then the quiet closing of a door. 'Cleo?' Jasper hisses.
'Bingo, baby,' I chuckle over the phone.
'Do I even want to know how you got my number?'
'Hah,' I bark. 'I found out you're having sex with Piper's mom. You're number isn't exactly a larger feat.'
'Look, Cleo. Piper is literally in my bedroom right now; I can't be having this conversation.'
I groan and spin in my spinny-chair at my desk. 'Fine. When can you come to my house?'
'Ermm,' he drawls. 'Wednesday? Or is Tuesday better?' Is he fucking kidding me?
'Are you an idiot? Don't answer that; we both already know the answer. Be at my house in 3 hours. I'll text you the address.'
Wednesday, hah. What does he take me for?
It's been two days since the party and I won't lie, those few kisses we shared have been on my mind. I didn't know something as simple as kissing could be so exhilarating. I thought people do it affectionately only. It seems I chose the right person to introduce me to this part of life.
I end the line and enter Rina's bedroom.
'Who was that?' Rina asks. Rina is my best friend, sort of. She's Richard's baby sister and they're tight as shit. I've always been able to talk to Rina and somehow she's always put up with my shit. She actually likes me which I couldn't wrap my mind around even if I tried. It's obvious that my focus has turned to Richard in our time together but Rina knows how my head works. I still hang out with her all the time.
'I'm blackmailing Jasper Forrest,' I inform her. I haven't seen her since the party either when I forced her to take me there.
She glances up from her laptop and smirks. 'Finally put that plan in motion?'
I laugh and collapse on her swivelling desk chair. 'I know. He should be happy I let him enjoy his summer for a while.'
'Isn't he like 20 years old? I blackmailed someone older than me.'
'Nope,' Rina chuckles. 'He's going to be a junior in college. He'll be 20 this summer, though.'
'How do you know that?' I face her on the chair.
Rina shrugs. 'I fucked him. I could at least know his birthday.'
'You did?' I gasp. 'When was this?' I never usually ask about Rina's intimate affairs but I might as well have. She's probably met dicks of all possible size and I'm talking 1 centimetre precision.
'Last year-,'
'Ya' criminals.'
She rolls her eyes and an amused grin makes its way on to her face. 'Shut up. I was at this frat party with Richard and I went home with Jasper. It was actually intense.'
'You remember?' I gasp incredulously. She never remembers. Last year, too!
'So how was it?'
She takes up a thoughtful expression. 'Long. I was sore after the first time but he wasn't done,' she bites her lip. I think back to when I was taking pictures of Jasper and Miss Lenore and noting that she orgasmed twice in the time he orgasmed once. Is that supposed to mean something? 'Actually kind of scary, you know. I was too intimidated to ride.'
'Jasper's scary?' I frown. I guess because I'm blackmailing him I feel superior. However, u can still recall those moments like when he punched the door beside my head, when he got angry about me blackmailing him, the way he would swear really viciously and that really sharp look that he would give me when he's not pleased. 'I guess I can see that.'
'He's taking my virginity, though.'
Rina's eyes burst open. 'Cleo, love. I think you need to steer clear of that guy.'
'But why? I have the upper hand.'
'That's not what I'm talking about. C'mon, he made me sore. I think you should go for someone err-, smaller?'
Unbelievable. 'Like who?'
Rina grins. 'There's a long list.'
'I'll be fine with Jasper. I really want to get this over and done with, you know. Pain is the least of my worries.'
'Everything is the least of your worries.'
'You got me.'
'Just be careful. Maybe buy lube?'
I shrug. 'He says that we can't have sex straight away. Something about not having losing my virginity on the same day I have my first kiss.'
Rina raises a brow. 'He's right but who'd think he has morals.'
'Almost makes me feel bad for blackmailing him,' I respond.
'Let's go downstairs. Richard bought Pierson,' Rina winks and jumps from her bed.
'Didn't you two already..?'
She shimmies out of her sweats and throws on some grey booty shorts. 'I could do him again,' she tells me.
'That gives me time with Richard. I'm going home soon anyway.'
'C'mon, virgin,' she says as she opens the door. 'I need to get me some dick.'
Before I can reply I hear Richard.
'I don't need to hear that, little sister,' he grumbles as he walks past her room.
'Sorry, big brother,' she calls out and I follow her out the room and down the stairs.
Richard and Pierson are playing Call Of Duty in the living room and Rina is quick to race to the kitchen. By the time I reach the bottom steps she's already back out with a large bag of crisps and a large Coke.
'Mind if we join you?' Rina says flirtatiously at Pierson. He smirks and pats the free seat beside him. When I used to live with my brother, he wouldn't let a me in the same room as a boy let alone act like that with his friends. I was 14 at the time but I'm sure it still stands.
'Rina, I'm actually heading out,' I tell her. There's not need for me to be here if she's going to be with Pierson.
'I'll call you,' she replies without looking at me.
I cast one last look at Richard he sends me a short, polite grins before turning back to his game. I don't like that smile. It's so formal and it shows how far away he is from me.
On my way back home I text Jasper my address and tell him to be there by 8.
When I get home, my mom is cooking with Dennis, my step-dad. They're all romantic and it took me a while to get used to because before him, all I knew was just how bad a parent could be.
'I'm home,' I call out and approach the stairs.
'You're early,' mom grins at me. I force a smile back.
'I have a friend coming over.'
Her eyes light up. 'A boy?'
I nod slowly. 'Yeah, it is.'
Dennis raises an impressed brow. I bet they never thought it was possible.
'Well, can we meet him?' She grasps Dennis's hand.
'No,' I shake my head. 'We're not friends.'
As I begin to mount the stairs, mom calls me again.
'Cleo. I was speaking to Dennis today and I know I've always had it in the back of my mind but,' she clears her throat and looks at Dennis for reassurance. I roll my eyes when he squeezes her hand and mouths something to her in order to comfort her. Mom faces me and water lines her eyes. 'It occurred time that you've never told me you-,' she chokes up and glares at the table. What the hell is going on? I can only stand silently because I'm slightly thrown off by the sudden outburst. 'You've never told me you love me.'
I want to burst out laughing and tell her that she's a grown woman and she needs to handle her shit. However, that's my mother and I will respect her in the only way I know how: shut up and keep walking. And that's exactly what I do.
I slowly climb the stairs and enter my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.
Tell her I love her? If I've never done it before it'll be a little hard to start now so she can get that idea out of her head. Besides wouldn't it be slightly embarrassing? And extra. I don't see the benefit and if I did I'd have said it already.
I hope to god I'm not that pathetic as a mom.
Maybe moms are meant to be pathetic. They're meant to worry about stupid shit like that, right? Oh I don't know.
I spend the next hour in my fairly small bedroom. We've always lived in a small apartment and even though mom got with Dennis, he only just helped us with the rest of our debts and giving me a new pink bedroom didn't really cross his mind. I'm not too fussed myself, though. I don't spend a lot of time in here either way. It has a single bed again the wall and a window beside it. There's a single wardrobe with a mirror and more clothes jammed in their than what's acceptable for two wardrobes. The floor is carpeted a cream colour and the walls are diary pink. They've been like that since I was a baby, don't blame me. I would have taken my brothers old room but my mom wanted it. On top of that, I never go in to her old room. I still can't do it.
When 8 o'clock hits, I call Jasper. That piece of shit!
'Where the fuck are you?'
'Relax,' he sighs. 'I'm on your road. I couldn't find your house.'
'Hurry up,' I snap and hang up the phone.
2 minutes later the doorbell rings and I bound down the stairs and yank it open.
'Hey what the fuck?' I pull him in by his arm.
'Chill, okay? It's eight-oh-two,' he grumbles and pulls his arm back to his side. His skin looks slightly flushed and the top half of his hair is tied up in a top knot. He's dressed in a loose white t-shirt and grey joggers.
''I told you to be here by eight, meaning before. Don't pull that shit on me.'
Jasper rolls his eyes. 'What crawled up your ass?'
'Is this your friend, Cleo?' Dennis asks behind me.
I slowly turn around and smile sourly. 'We're not friends but yes, this would be him.'
Dennis raises a brow and slowly saunters off. 'Be nice to him now, kid.' And I think everyone, including Jasper, that he's talking to me.
I clench my fists as I climb the stairs. I don't need Dennis to make his so called protective presence known.
I open my bedroom door, storm in and begin pacing.
'Woah, your room is tiny,' he says at the threshold. I look back to see him leaning against the door frame, his broad shoulders almost big enough to match the doors width. His chest looks so wide and toned under t-shirt and I can't help but wonder what the real thing looks like. His complexion is so golden and perfect and he looks amazing.
'Jasper,' I call his attention away from my room and his animalistic blue eyes meet mine and then run down my body only very quickly. 'Close the door.'
He proceeds to close the door and then walks towards my bed. It's true, this room is really tiny because with him in here, everything becomes so miniature. Even I feel small in his presence. How easily did he just get the upped hand even in my own bedroom.
Jasper drops on the bed and lays his head down on the pillow with his hands behind his head and ankles crossed. I've never had a guy in my room and I glance around for any dirty socks or t-shirts. When I'm in the clear, I sigh.
'What's up?' He asks.
I shake my head quickly. 'Nothing, I've never had a guy in my room.'
When I look up at Jasper he's watching me curiously. 'You're so weird.'
'Shut up,' I grumble and climb the bed and sit against the wall with my legs on his shins. 'Just because your a slut...'
'Your childish, too,' he laughs.
My head snaps to his. 'How? I'm way more maturer than you.'
Jasper gives it a moment to think. 'You just called me a slut because I called you childish. Isn't that enough proof?'
'Whatever,' I pipe up. Why is he always analysing me? 'What are we going to do today?' I ask and a hidden part of me is actually really excited. I've been thinking about his lips more than I thought I would be and I feel this yearning in the depths of my stomach.
'Today? Erm- do you have a curfew?' He asks.
'Don't be silly. If the word even came up I'd make myself homeless just to prove a point.'
Jasper shrugs. 'That makes sense. What about boys? Do you have rules on boys?'
I shake my head and frown. 'That's stupid because one, I don't talk to anyone except Rina do boys don't come over anyway and two, why would my mom have a say in that?'
Jasper sit up and props him self up in his arms, using them like supports. 'Believe it or not, Cleo, your perception of most things is based on you not wider society.'
'What does that even mean?' My brows furrow together.
'What I'm trying to say is that you need to go out more.'
'Alright, alright. Can you just get along with the lesson?'
'Okay,' he exhales. 'Have you ever been topless with a guy? Of course not. Take it off,' he gestures to my t-shirt.
For some reason taking my top off is nerve wracking. I'm not being self-conscious. It's just that it's like a little no going back zone. No ones ever seen me topless either. If you don't count my parents.
'Erm- now?' I grin sheepishly. 'Isn't that for sex?'
Jasper smirks. 'You were so eager to have sex two days ago but you can't take your shirt off right now?'
'Right.' I did say that. I didn't know that when it actually came to this my nerves would get the better of me. Why am I even nervous? It can't be because he's so sexy and his girlfriend is beautiful and he's fucking the Mayor's wife, too. It can't be. 'Okay but don't laugh at me.'
Jasper places a hand on my knee. 'Why the fuck would I laugh at your body?'
I shrug. 'I don't know. Just don't okay?'
'Don't do it if your not ready. I'm not forcing you,' he nudges me playfully.
'It's not that,' I grumble. 'I know we have this deal going on but it still stands that were practically strangers.'
'Fine. Don't do it yet. It's too soon anyway. Frankly, I just wanted to see your boobs.'
A bubble of laughter passes my lips and I gaze curiously at Jasper. He's laughing, too. He looks so content in my room and not the least bit bothered by me or our predicament.
Jasper is a nice person. Even though I'm treating him so badly, dehumanising him with blackmail, he still looks at me like I'm a girl. I told him I feel nothing but he doesn't even treat it that way. Reassuring me and helping me so seriously just seems generous.
'Jasper?' I call his attention.
'What?'
'Why are you doing this?'
Jasper frowns. 'That's a stupid question. You're blackmailing me.'
'Not that,' I look at my lap. 'You're actually trying to help me. I'm sure if I asked anyone else they'd fuck me and be done with it.'
Jasper looks uneasy.
'What is it, Jasper?'
'I would say it's because I can't stop thinking about our kiss but that's not all.'
He can't stop thinking about it? Well, it was really amazing. That sensual attraction between us felt so raw and instinctive unlike anything I've ever experienced and I've caught myself biting my lip and groaning about it to myself these past two days. Am I learning lust? It doesn't really feel like I'm learning it, though. That felt carnal and accidental. But the kiss isn't all, he said.
'What is it, Jasper?'
'I don't want to tell you,' he grimaces.
'What?' I say in a high pitched tone. 'Why not?' I whine annoyingly.
'I don't want to say. You won't like it.'
'You could've just lied and said the kiss was all.'
'Jasper,' I shift in my seat and decide to stand up, keeping my tone serious. I step away from the bed and fold my arms, showing him I'm serious. 'I'm not playing around. Tell me, right now.'
Jasper rolls his eyes and stands inches from me. If he's standing so close I'm not going to be able to intimidate him! Why is he standing so close? I can feel his body heat from hear. Does it seem a little hot in here?
I raise my chin, looking up to meet his baby blue see through gaze.
'I'm not the nice guy I portray myself to be, Cleo. You're already on my bad side,' Jasper says throatily. I feel his hands on my hips under my t-shirt. He squeezes lightly and then knees his thumbs into my flesh. A hurdle of longing and tingling sensations roll throughout my body. 'Consider yourself lucky that I'm being patient with you, babe. Believe me, you don't want to see what I'd really like to do with you right now.'
My own hands come to rest on his forearms as he massages my skin. His hands are rough and experienced like he knows exactly what he's doing. 'What do you want to do to me?' I can't help but ask. He can't just throw that out there.
'Bad things,' he whispers. 'Because you've been so misbehaved. Blackmail? C'mon, Cleo,' he breathes down my neck making me shudder. I hold in a moan but it's in my throat now and if he takes it further, I don't know what I'll do. 'I'm fucking my girlfriend's mom. I don't actually give a shit about either of them.'
'That's not very nice,' I gasp as he tugs my forward by my hips so I have direct contact with the heat from his body. My nails dig in to his forearms as his hands move up from my hips to my waist. My t-shirt hitches up by his wrists as he climbs higher and higher. My skin is on fire everywhere he touches it, leaving behind a tingling burn. I think I'm going to combust.
'It's not nice, is it?' He says coolly. My stomach is completely exposed when his thumb brushes my chest over my bra. 'Well, I'm not nice,' he growls and my top is torn from me over my head and completely off, leaving me only in my bra and my mess of black curls in front of my face.
'Jasper,' I stammer, panicking because he just ripped my top off and I didn't even notice what he was doing until it was too late. 'Give me back my t-shirt,' I reach for his hand with my old t-shirt.
He keeps it out of reach and I'm too stiff to chase it. 'Cat got your tongue?'
My heart begins to race and a horrible image is birth to the front of my mind.
'Jasper!' I shriek and bury my face in to his warm chest. My nails claw his chest as I silently plead him. I don't want to think about it and now I am and it's torturing me from the inside.
'Cleo,' he calls me authoritatively. 'Listen to me-,'
'You said you were going to be patient!' I slam my fist on his chest. Why is he doing this? I was internally complementing him moments ago and now he's pushing me to do this and I feel useless.
'Cleo,' he snaps and I jump at the frightening tone in his voice. 'Breathe, for fuck sake.'
An intense shudder washes through me and my shoulders sag as I let out a sigh.
'I'm not going to do anything to you.'
When I look up the face I see belongs to Jasper not the monster of a man who ruined everything.
'Sorry,' I find myself saying.
'Why are you apologising?' He places his fingers beneath my chin, keeping my head facing him.
'I freaked out.'
Jasper doesn't say anything for a while. 'That's not on you, Cleo.' It's not on me? But it is, though. I don't think I'll ever get around to telling him that.
'Was that a lesson?' I ask seriously as I move out of his hold and go for my t-shirt.
He shakes his head slowly and his eyes narrow in on my chest. As he bites his lip I throw on my t-shirt and tie my hair up with a hair band on my wrist.
'No, it wasn't. Sorry, I got carried away,' he replies honestly. 'I said I'd teach you the physical stuff. The emotional shit is for Richard, guess,' he mumbles and looks away.
'It's fine. It's over. Let's just do what you came here for,' I decide to brush it off and love on. No point lingering on to one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire existence.
'Come here,' Jasper commands me in an icy tone and my feet act on their own, finding him quickly. His hand snaps to the back of my neck and before I can process anything, Jasper's lips from crashing down on mine and he kisses me selfishly. I moan, submitting to the will in his kiss. He's so assertive and wild that I can't help but notice how different it is for last time. His free hand latches around my torso and he pulls me closer to his hard body. The roughness of the kiss makes my heart race and it's not long before he parts my lips with his and his tongue is in my mouth tasting and teasing me thoroughly. It's so greedy and powerful on his side that I can only offer up what I have.
His mouth is sizzling all my receptors, and turning every rational thought in to mush as I push my tongue further in to his mouth so our lips are locked. I let out a moan in to his mouth and pull him closer to me.
My arms are tightly wrapped around his neck and I'm completely certain that this isn't a part of his lesson. My hands are in his hair, tugging and pulling like the only way to breathe is through him. I can't think of any place I'd rather be and anything I'd rather do and I don't want to. Jasper is a real piece of work.
His lips pull apart momentarily only for his teeth to clamp down on my bottom lip for less than second before our lips meet again and we can't seem to stop.
When we finally pull away, I'm more breathless than the last kiss and I hold on to him because my body really is numb and my mouth seemed to have sucked up all the energy in one place. My tongue is tingling from the aftermath and even my lips feel numb to my fingers. Shit, are they swollen?
We're both panting loudly and I push him away and sit on my bed. I honestly don't even know what to make of that except I'd do it again. Not right now, though. I need a few minutes to catch my breath, process and prepare.
'What the hell was that?' I say between pants and Jasper joins me on the bed, leaning his head against the wall.
He, too, is still catching his breath. 'That,' he pants. 'Was the slightly-pissed-off, rough kiss special from yours truly.'
'I knew you were the right guy for the job,' I breathe out.
'You had other candidates?'
'Yeah but you're the only one I got dirt on.'
'Ain't that a bitch,' he chuckles.
'Not really. Remind me to piss you off more often.'
Jasper laughs again. 'No way. A rough kiss could turn in to a rough fuck and you're a virgin, babe. I was holding back.'
Holding back? This man is frightening.
'Was that a lesson, then?'
Jasper doesn't reply straight away. 'Well, you just survived the slightly-pissed-off, rough kiss special. I think that counts as a lesson.'
It counts? It sure as hell didn't feel like a lesson and I don't think he thinks that either.
'What were you pissed off about?'
Jasper's brows knit together in confusion. 'Besides everything, I can't pick one in particular.'
My face falls flat. 'That's an extremely vague response. Anyway,' I clap my hands, snapping us both out of the conversation. 'Were we going to head out?'
'Hmm?' He asks. 'What are you talking 'bout?' He looks a little befuddled.
'Earlier you asked about my curfew, remember?'
'Oh yeah, I was going to suggest heading to a party or something and making out with someone to test your new skills.'
'What? Like kiss a stranger? I could do that.'
'It's just a suggestion,' Jasper grumbles.
'No, I'll do it. Do you know any parties happening?'
'Cleo,' he grins. 'It's the summer holidays and I'm going to be a college junior. I can count at least 5 parties off the top of my head.'
'Let's go then,' I stand up and open my wardrobe. 'What should I wear?' I look behind my shoulder hopefully at Jasper.
'You're asking me?' He points at himself.
'Yeah, I told you to make me attractive.'
I hear him get off the bed behind me and then stretch. 'I already told you that you're attractive.'
'Nope,' I shake my head to myself. 'You said it's okay for you but you and Richard have very different types.'
'Okay, fine. Move aside,' he nudges me with his hand and I stumble to the side, peering over his shoulder to see his expert choice. 'Something slutty...'
Do I own anything slutty? I probably have an unopened bikini lying around somewhere.
'Put these shorts on,' he throws my blue denim shorts begin his shoulder and I catch them swiftly.
'Okay,' I agree. They could be slutty. 'Don't turn around, I'm changing.'
'Fine,' he yawns.
'I'm serious,' I snap as I shimmy off my jeans.
'I said okay!' he shouts back.
'Bitch,' I mumble.
'Done!' Once I'm in the shorts I alert him and face my mirror which is by my door.
In the mirror, I see Jasper turn around and his glowing blue eyes latch on to my ass and grow wide.
'Damn, Cleo. You keep that peachy ass hidden for fun?' He approaches me and stands directly behind me. I watch his hands attach themselves to my flesh and when he clenches, I have to bite my lip to silence a moan. His hands are just magic. He lets out a strangled groan from his throat as he massages me before smoothing over my shorts and resting on my hips. My baggy t-shirt cascades down, taking away definition from my body and then bunches up around my shorts.
'You have an amazing body, Cleo,' he clenches my hips slightly. 'The guys are going to lose their minds.'
He pushes his front against my backsides. 'Don't tease them too much.'
'Oh, I plan to,' I grin and turn to my side to see what it is he's talking about. As he said, the shorts hug me amazingly and really sow off my curves. I've always knew I had them but what good is it if I don't know how to use them to my advantage.
'Peachy, huh?' I smirk at Jasper through the mirror.
He nods and smacks my backside so he'd I shriek. It actually stings but I feel excited..? That can't be okay.
'Okay,' I turn back to my wardrobe. 'What t-shirt?'
Jasper shrugs. 'I like you like this.'
I roll my eyes at him. 'Well, this isn't about you. And find out what party Richard will be at. If not we could just go to his house. His sister's my best friend.'
'He's always at parties, though,' Jasper frowns.
'True,' I agree. Richard loves to party. I think he's on his way to becoming an alcoholic very soon.
'Which t-shirt?' I whine, tugging Japer's arm for emphasis.
Jasper ruffles through my wardrobe and throws some items of clothing's behind his back. 'It's a mess in here,' he complains. 'Do you iron anything?'
I scoff and fold my arms. 'Don't pick out anything that needs ironing, I won't do it.'
'Lazy shit.'
'Whatever.'
'What about this?' He holds up a dark grey crop top which has a high neck and long sleeves.
'Sure,' I trust him easily and take it from him. 'Turn around, don't look.'
'Okay,' he says in an aggravated tone and turns around.
I quickly whip my t-shirt off and fiddle in to the tight crop top. After a minute or so, I finally submerge from the depth of the t-shirt, breathless and flustered.
'That was pleasant,' Jasper says and when I find him, he's looking right at me like he's been watching the whole time.
'Dickhead,' I pull my hair out from under the t-shirt and tuck it behind my ear. 'Am I done?'
'Yeah, just don't wear trainers today.'
I curse him internally as I shuffle through my stack of shoes beneath my clothes in my closet.
'How about these?' I hold up a single leather black ankle boot which has a silver zip running down the centre and block heels.
'Yes, come on. Let's go.'
After searching for the other shoe I give myself one last look in the mirror. Seeming as Jasper's rushing it looks like I don't have time to put on any makeup.
'Can I just wear some mascara?' I ask.
'Hurry up,' he glares at me.
After applying some mascara, eyeliner and lip balm. Might as well stay moisturised if I'm going to be kissing someone tonight.
'Cleo,' Jasper threatens me as I'm about to rich for my eyebrow kit.
'Fine,' I pout and follow him out of the room.
'Aren't you going to change?' I ask him.
He shrugs. 'I already have a girlfriend. I don't need to dress up to get girls.'
'That's bullshit and we both know it.'
Jasper barges in to my shoulder as we pass the front door. 'That's your call not mine.'
'Asshole.'
'I know you are but what am I?'
'A bigger, wider one,' I retort.
Jasper shoots me a sharp glare. 'Just get in the car.'
I smirk and prance over to his passenger side and climb in. His car smells exactly like him. Slightly minty and cinnamon. I think. It's a mixture of aroma's frankly. I can't quite put my finger on it.
'So which party is it?' I lean forward on my seat.
'Put our seatbelt on. This girl called Dina. She prefers to be friends with guys so don't mind her if she comes off as unpleasant. She just wants to suck every dick in the room.'
'Maybe she could teach me a thing or two.'
Jasper glances at my whisky driving. 'No,' he frowns. 'You can't just give a blowjob to someone random. Mine, is okay. Don't create that sort of reputation for yourself.'
'Why is yours okay but not someone else's?'
The leather of the steering wheel squeaks under his tight grasp. 'Just don't try it.'
'It was a suggestion,' I mumble.
'Well, don't. You sound stupid.'
'Alright! Chill,' I snap at him.
He huffs and drives in silence.
'So touchy,' I spoke under my breath.