SNOWBARRY: Sometimes Runs, Sometimes Can't

Chapter 19 - Caitlin

The lie had been simple enough. A program abroad. Genetic engineering is advanced research. A reason Barry couldn't argue with.

But the truth was not that simple.

Caitlin Snow hadn't left Central City to build her résumé. She'd left because she was breaking.

Barry Allen had never meant to break her. He didn't even realise he had. But loving him, truly, deeply, in a way she hadn't let herself love since Ronnie, had cracked something open inside her. And when he couldn't give that love back, when his heart still tilted toward Iris, Caitlin knew staying would only destroy her. So she shut him down. Told him the words he needed to hear. Walked away before he could see the pieces she was hiding.

She told herself it was survival.

Felicity had helped arrange the lab, quiet and hidden away from prying eyes. A sanctuary where Caitlin could run her own tests, where she could track what had begun after the particle accelerator, after Ronnie, after Barry. 

She'd thought she was fine. Normal. Human. Until the night at S.T.A.R. Labs and later at the docks.

At the docks, she'd been struck hard enough that she should have cracked ribs, maybe worse. But within minutes, the pain was gone. The wound healed. 

That night at S.T.A.R. Labs, it had been her, too. The air had been sharp, cold, and frost was spreading everywhere. She'd caused the meta attack. Iris' confession.

Since then, something had unlocked inside her.

At first, it was small things: the chill in her skin that wouldn't fade, the way her breath fogged in warm air, the sudden headaches that left her reeling. And then the blackouts began. Hours lost.

Once she made it to this lab, the days started to blur. Two weeks had gone by without memory, only for her to wake to surveillance footage showing a woman who looked like her but wasn't exactly her.

A stranger living in her body.

She studied it clinically, at first. She logged every incident, every spike in temperature, every violent fluctuation of her own biology. But science couldn't soften the truth. She wasn't alone in her own skin. She was splitting.

Sometimes she'd hear that voice, the same mocking laugh, and every now and then, she found herself talking back to it.

Weeks passed. Then months. And the more she shifted, the less resistance she found. The other woman wasn't a stranger anymore; she was her. Cold where Caitlin was warm, fierce where Caitlin was careful, merciless where Caitlin was kind.

At first, Caitlin thought she was losing herself, her mind. But slowly and terribly, she realised the truth. 

They were merging and splitting at the same time. Two halves fusing into something new, something stronger, something far beyond repair. 

All her past pain that had overwhelmed her, the walls she'd once let crumble, the heartbreak, it was too much. So she allowed this to happen, she let it in, naturally. Perhaps, as a last resort, the only way to mend herself, to rebuild behind a new exterior. 

And when the process was complete, Caitlin Snow stood in front of the mirror, platinum blond hair spilling over her shoulders, her eyes burning with blue fire and frost.

She laughed, and the sound that left her throat was not Caitlin's.

It was Killer Frost's.

***

Felicity, who had been her anchor, visiting every week, had barely recognised the woman standing in the lab now.

Caitlin Snow was gone. As if she'd never existed at all.

***

The lab was freezing, a thin lace of frost creeping over the consoles and glass. Felicity rubbed her arms, her breath visible in the chill.

"Caitlin," she whispered, her voice small but steady. "You're scaring me. This isn't who you are. Don't just shut yourself off like this."

Frost turned slowly, blue eyes gleaming like ice shards under the fluorescent lights. "You should be scared, Felicity. That's the smart reaction."

Felicity flinched but pressed on. "I know you think you have to put up walls but burying yourself won't make her disappear. Your're still in there, I know you are. You are my friend. I won't give up on you."

A cold smile curved Frost's lips. "Your friend? She's weak. She breaks. She cries in the dark when no one's looking. She's not coming back."

Felicity's throat tightened. "You don't get to decide that."

Frost stepped closer, the air crackling colder with each step. "I already did. We both did."

Her voice dropped, cruel and calm. "Caitlin is gone. I protect what's left of her. I keep her from shattering further. Without me, she'd have drowned in her own misery months ago. So stop digging, Felicity. Because if you keep trying to reach her..." Frost leaned in, her breath icy against Felicity's ear. "...you'll find only pain and disappointment."

Felicity's eyes burned, fear and sorrow warring inside her. She wanted to argue, to plead, but the certainty in Frost's tone left her silent.

Frost turned away, her hands steady as she adjusted the monitors, like nothing had just passed between them. Her movements were precise, detached.

***

Felicity's hands trembled as she stared at her phone screen, Barry's voicemail mocking her again. Cisco. Joe. Deadlines. Every call was swallowed in silence. She pressed the phone to her forehead, whispering:

"Damn it, Barry... Where are you?"

The frost creeping across the lab consoles answered for her, jagged veins of ice snaking outward. Felicity pulled her jacket tighter and forced herself to breathe. If she couldn't reach Barry, she had to reach someone else. Someone who could help her handle this.

Her thumb scrolled, hovering for only a second before she tapped.

"Oliver," she said when he picked up, her voice thin  "I need you. It's Caitlin or whatever's left of her.  Remember what I told you a month ago? She's losing control, I can't do this alone."

There was a pause, Oliver's voice rough when it came. "What do you need?"

"Her trust," Felicity said quickly, eyes darting to the figure hunched over the monitors, white hair glinting in the fluorescent lights. "We have to convince her we need her help and get her back to Central City, to S.T.A.R. Labs. Barry, Cisco, and Dr. Wells will know what to do."

Oliver's said, "I'll be there in three hours."