As You Lie Awake

PROLOGUE

VOLUME 1

Prologue

Three months ago

Ilang beses akong napabuntong-hininga habang nagtatalo ang kalooban ko kung bubuksan ko ba ang pintong nasa harapan ko. I can hear the clinking of glasses, loud music and laughter of the people behind this door. Sigurado akong nagkakasiyahan silang lahat sa loob. Pinihit ko ang siradura ngunit hindi ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na itulak iyon pabukas. Ibinaba ko ang kamay ko at ikinuyom iyon bago huminga ulit nang malalim.

Kahit puno ng pag-aalangan ay nilakasan ko pa rin ang loob ko. I know I am not welcome inside dahil mula ako sa college ng Business Administration— isa sa malaking kakompetensya ng College of Engineering sa Athena Univesity. Nagkakasiyahan sila upang ipagdiwang ang pagtatapos ng kanilang sophomore year.

I pushed the door harshly to get their attention, and I did but something caught my attention more. No, not something but someone.

Someone was sitting on my boyfriend's lap, kissing him on the lips down to his jaw. Nang bumaba ang ulo ng babae ay napadako ang tingin niya sa akin. I can hear nothing but my heartbeat, o baka ay sinadya nilang patayin ang maingay na musika. Everyone's eyes were on me ngunit wala akong pakialam doon. Mas naka-focus ako kay Daven na unti-unting nanlaki ang mga mata nang makita ako. Gusto kong magsalita ngunit may tila bagay na nakabara sa lalamunan ko. I thought he would push the girl, but he didn't. The surprised look in his eyes lasted only for a while before a smirk appeared from his lips and then he closed his eyes like he's enjoying the pleasure given to him by the girl on his lap.

Muling pumainlang ang maingay na tugtog and then everyone was ignoring my presence. I know it's a cue. It's a cue for me to leave this place at iyon nga ang ginawa ko. Isa sa mga kaibigan ni Daven na may dalang malaking bote ng nakabukas na inumin ang lumapit sa akin.

"Viole-"

Before he can say more, I grabbed the bottle from his hand at walang sabi-sabing tinungga ang laman niyon. Heck, I don't even know what it was. All I know was that it tastes bitter and it brought a different heat from my throat down to my chest. I felt the tears at the corner of my eyes which are probably because of Daven and the girl or the bitter taste of this liquor. Wala na iyong laman nang ibinalik ko iyon sa kaibigan ni Daven na hindi ko na pinagkaabalahang alamin pa kung sino, bago ako tumalikod upang umalis. But to my surprise, the world started spinning. Bigla na lamang akong natumba at tumama sa pinto.

My fall made a loud thud. Sinubukan akong tulungan ng lalaki pero tinabig ko ang kamay niya at pinilit na tumayo kahit na tila sumasayaw ang daan sa paningin ko.

Kailangan ko ang epekto ng alak upang magbigay sa akin ng lakas ng loob. I took a step forward, taking a big leap towards them but I can't. Hindi ko pala kaya. With or without the effect of alcohol, I cannot do what I wanted to do. Gusto ko sanang hilahin ang babae palayo kay Daven and claim what's mine but I can't. I am never the brave one to be able to do so. Sabay na nalaglag ang mga luha sa dalawang mata ko bago ako tumalikod sa kanila at pasuray-suray na lumayo. Ibinagsak ko ang pinto bago tuluyang nilisan ang lugar na iyon.

My sight is blurry, and my head is aching. Nagpageywang-geywang ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa ninais ko nang maupo. We've been together for 6 months now but then this happened— in just a blink of an eye. Dahil ba hindi ko magawa ang ginagawa ng babae ngayon sa kanya? Is it because we haven't kissed? Or what?

Malayo-layo na rin ang nalakad ko at tahimik na tinatahak ko ang payapang eskinita. Halos maghahating-gabi na at wala akong pakialam kung ano man ang mangyari sa akin ngayon. I sat on the corner of the road and let my tears fall.

Hindi ko alam kung dulot ba iyon ng nainom ko o may nakabukas ang ilaw talaga sa taas. There was that light that I cannot bear to stare at. Napakasakit niyon sa mata at lubhang nakakasilaw. Then there was a faint cry.

The cry became louder and it was a voice of a man— like that man suffered the most painful thing. Bigla akong naging alerto at tila nahimasmasan. I fixed myself and when the bright light from above vanished, I slowly walked towards the direction where I heard the cry.

"Sinong nariyan?!" I shouted. Natatakot ako na baka masamang loob iyon ngunit natatakot din ako na baka taong nangangailangan iyon ng tulong.

The cry faded at humakbang pa ako. "Sino 'yan?!"

Still there was no answer but I can hear a heavy breathing. Hinahabol nito ang hininga kaya mas binilisan ko pa ang hakbang kung sakaling may taong nangangailan talaga ng tulong.

I heard a sharp cry again at nanggagaling iyon sa likuran ng hindi kataasang gusali. It's past midnight and whoever was there, marahil ay biktima iyon ng masamang loob. For a second ay nag-alangan ako ngunit nanaig pa rin ang awa ko. Tumakbo ako palapit doon ngunit bigla na lamang may napakabilis na bagay ang dumaan sa harapan ko. It was so fast that I didn't recognize what it is. Maybe just my imagination.

When I turned to see who was behind the wall, my chest began to pound. No one was there...

So, I was just imagining things.

Or maybe not.

Because there was blood on the ground. And on the blood, there soaked a beautiful black feather with a golden tip.

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