Insecure |Phan|

Chapter 2

Dan

Dan awoke that morning on the bathroom floor, feeling drowsy and out of it.

His arm was still sore from last night, and he didn't properly get to clean off the remaining crimson liquid that had poured out.

He let out a sigh and got up and walked out of the bathroom, and into his room. He picked up his phone and checked the time.

6: 35 am. 

It was still a Tuesday morning, and Dan had to get ready for school. 

He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and changed into a pair of black jeans, a solid grey shirt, and a black jacket on top of it. 

He decided to skip breakfast, telling himself that he was too fat for food anyway.

Dan took one last glance in the mirror before he left, and sighed at his reflection. 

Nothing had changed. He was still the lost, broken, insecure boy he was yesterday, and will always be. What kind of fool was he, thinking that today he might be different. 

There couldn't possibly be anything in the entire world that could fix Dan now, because he was too far gone.

He walked past the living room, seeing his dad passed out on the couch from another night of binge drinking, and Dan inwardly sighed. 

 Of course everything would be the same. What did I expect? For me to wake up and everything to be magically perfect in the morning?  Dan thought to himself. 

He scoffed at his own unrealistic thoughts and headed out the door, shoving his headphones in and bracing himself for a long walk.

Teenagers started playing and Dan hummed along to the tune while he walked down the porch.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed a new person walking out from the house next to him, looking about his age with a backpack on his shoulders.

From Dan's view he couldn't see his face very well, but damn was he good-looking. His ebony hair was parted in a perfect fringe, all ruffled and styled in a way that suited his face very well. He was tall, like, really tall, about the height of Dan, and that was something new.

Dan wasn't sure whether or not to approach this boy, after all, he looked like he was way out of Dan's league. It was funny how Dan never noticed him before. Maybe he just moved in.

The ironic thing was, that while Dan was contemplating on whether or not to say hi to this boy, he came up to Dan himself and introduced himself. But Dan was too caught up in his facial features to actually comprehend what he was saying.

His eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue. They were blue pools of tropical bliss, scattered with vibrant specks of green, and speckled with the most golden rays of sun. His eyes themselves told a story of their own.

"Hello? You still there mate?" the boy waved his hand in front of Dan's face.

Dan shook his head and stepped out of his trance, bringing himself back to reality. 

"Oh- um, yeah sorry. What was that?" Dan mumbled.

The boy lightly laughed, and Dan noticed that when he did his tongue poked out of his mouth a bit. Goddammit that was the cutest shit ever.

"I'm Phil, and I kinda sorta just moved in. I'm guessing you've been here for a while, and since my parents can't really take me to school and I don't know the way, so uh, could you give me the directions?" he asked in a surprisingly deep British accent, making Dan melt inside a bit more.

"U-uh yeah, sure, um, which school are you supposed to go to?" Dan stuttered.

Phil looked down at a paper he was holding in his hand and read it out slowly and carefully, "Oakland High School." Phil finished reading the paper and looked back up, staring at Dan's face with a confused one.

"Oh, I happen to go to that school too." Dan laughs,  "You can walk with me, I guess. If you don't want to I completely understand." Dan quickly stammers.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows and then chuckled. "Of course I'd want to, you idiot. You seem like a pretty cool guy, and I kinda need a way to get to school."

Dan smiled, just a bit, not enough to bring happiness, but just a small spark of it, which quickly burned out.

"Okay, let's go then." Dan shyly says, and plugs back his earphones, not sure if the boy next to him wanted to talk to him while they walked. So he just decided to avoid awkward human interaction and listen to his music instead.

A few minutes into walking, Phil got bored and pulled out one of Dan's earbuds and asked "What are you listening to?"

"Roger Rabbit by Sleeping with Sirens." Dan replied with a small smile.

"Oh my gosh I love that song!" Phil chimes.

Dan grins. Phil was the first person he met who actually had a similar music taste as him. Everyone else at school beats him up about being "Emo" because of the songs. 

"Wanna listen with me?" Dan says, internally panicking inside his mind. Why would you say that Dan? God, you're so stupid. Of course he wouldn't want to share your headphones with you, he's only known you for like, five minutes. Dan mentally lectures himself.

"Hell yeah I do" Phil says with a grin and takes the earbud and plugs it inside his ear, much to Dan's surprise.

They eventually arrived at the school, and although Dan didn't want to accept it, he didn't want the walk to end. 

He enjoyed having someone else's company whom he could enjoy with and just feel relaxed. And Phil seemed to be enjoying himself too, really getting into Dan's music.

Dan gently tapped on Phil's shoulder, as Phil was completely engulfed in the music. Phil took out the earbud and looked at Dan. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Um, we're here." Dan shyly says.

"Ohh" Phil chuckles. "I knew that."

Dan smiles a bit, yet it quickly fades away. 

Phil seems to notice, and frowns for a bit, but quickly replaces it with a grin plastered on his face. Phil stares at Dan for a while, trying to uncover this guarded boy who tried not to let anyone in.

Dan seemed to notice after a few moments, and turned to Phil, feeling insecure about his own face.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face? Oh god, there is, isn't there. Ugh, I'm so stupid, I swear to god." Dan frantically searches his face with his hands, trying to find the non-existent blemish on his face.

Phil gently pulls Dan's hands down and returns them to his side, and shakes his head with a smile forming on his face. And then, he says something that leaves Dan in shock, making him wonder if it was even possible to feel that certain emotion again.

"You just have a really beautiful smile."