Therapy

3. Proper Love

3. Proper Love

The blanket wrapped around me was not enough to bring warmth to my body. I needed more than just the thick cotton fabric... I needed Daniel....I need his warmth- his arms wrapped around me....I needed the care and loving touch he gave me last night in that simple hug. Even if it was only because of guilt.

I still needed that touch...

I squeezed my eyes tight as I tried to force myself back to sleep, but like every night; I couldn't. My mind was racing with conclusions and theories, however, the theories I was thinking of was not about David; it was about the sexy young man name Ulysses Nardovino.

Just thinking about his name made me wet. Not only his name made my body effect me that way, but his fat juicy lips, light brown eyes that makes you relax under his stare, his well built body that would make you want to be wrapped around him all night, his deep voice, and beautiful face.

He was gorgeous.... But young...

My stomach twisted. The thought of his age made me cringe. He was twenty-five... Thank goodness... But still young. Ulysses is young enough to be my son if I had him at a young age. I can't- I won't think about him anymore...

"Nīa, I'm leaving." Daniel rough and deep voice made me not think about Ulysses anymore- instead it made me think of my marriage... My horrible marriage.

"Okay," I simple said, not bothering to turn around to look at him nor removed the covers from my face. It was no purpose of that action anymore.

However, Daniel thought otherwise. The soft and wet lips of his was placed on my temple. His lips was cool against my skin; it made me relax. "Bye sweetheart." Daniel's voice was calm, and smooth.

His actions and words was shocking- it wasn't the usual morning scene. Daniel was gentle this morning instead of irritable and annoying.

Maybe that's a sign...

"B-bye Daniel," I mumbled as I felt his lips leave my warm skin. The bedroom door soon closed as he walked out.

I was alone, with my own thoughts.... Bad sinful thoughts of someone else that's not my husband that lead me to explore my body. However, like always, I could not find the pleasure. The pleasure I needed was more than me touching myself. The pleasure I seek is more than physical contact... It's emotional... I needed another to talk, laugh, joke and be myself with.

I need proper love...

******

The whole time during my sections I could not focus. I responded to their stories with little advice- unhelpful advice. My mind was somewhere else.

I kept looking up at the clock; my hands squeezed into fist in frustration when I still saw the little hand on the three.

Just another hour... I thought as I tried to swallow down my lunch, but salad was not going to satisfy my appetite. I was anxious and also nervous.

As time went by, I couldn't stop my mind from taking me through different doors; doors with different theories, conclusions and ideas of what would happen if I made my final decision.