Caffeine and Paint

My Bitchy "Other Self"

After that sentence escaped Mr.Richard’s mouth everyone - what’s the right term for this situation… hmm… lost their shit? Yeah, I think that describes what happened to everyone in the auditorium. They lost their shit. And there were different kinds of shits being lost, screaming shit, laughing shit, grunting shit, scowling shit, yelling shit. You name it! Every shit was lost at that moment. Personally, the shit l was losing was along the lines of… mouth-hanging-open-shit. After I got a hold of my mouth (easier said than done, trust me), I turned to my friends to see what shits they’ve lost.

Cara wasn’t losing her shit as much as collecting other people’s shit. Ew, that sounded gross. What I meant was, she was eavesdropping on everyone else’s little whispers of sadness or excitement. There were also all kinds of whispers being whispered. However, that’s besides the point. Now moving on from Cara to Reece. Oh, I bet she’s fuming! I bet she’s so angry she’ll- smile? Reece is smiling. She’s beaming actually, with laughter and a bag of chips. Well, not a literal bag of chips. I nudge Reece since Cara is too busy stalking some girl’s conversation about Connor Jackson’s abs, “Why are you happy?! What if you end up with Nora Jones?” Nora Jones was that girl in class no one was really fond of, maybe it was her constant need to dress like a three year old, but you couldn’t say anything since she was just too sweet.

“Or,” Reece turned to me with a clown like smile, “I could end up with- !” She cut herself short. 

“Were you going to say Adam?” I asked her with a knowing smile.

Reece hesitated before giving a nervous laugh, “Yeah, haha, you got me.”

Oh, that’s why she looks like a kid in a candy store (note to self: stop using 20th century sitcom lines). Adam was the type of guy everyone loved. He was smart, charming, sweet and most importantly he had a dimple. Just one dimple on his left cheek and the girls bend down to their knees for him. The power of a small dent on your face baffles me. Anyway, just like every other human with a vagina, she does the most original (not original) thing. She develops feelings. I’ve never been too fond of the f word ever since grade 5, but that’s a different story that will end in crying. I’m totally not being melodramatic.

The auditorium was still buzzing with energy when Mr. Richard, not-so-subtly coughed, everyone knows a cough means ‘shut the fuck up!’, not ‘I’m just coughing, don’t mind me.’  Teachers have too many hidden meanings in their gestures.

“Okay! Now, teachers! Send the children of tomorrow to their classes!” He exclaims with a fake, cheesy smile. You could tell he only said that because he wants to believe it himself.

After the lining up with the every so often shouts of “Get in line!”,”No pushing!”, “Straight line! Straight line!” from teachers and the journey through the halls we finally entered our safe haven- the classroom.

Well, it wasn’t a safe haven as much as just an upgrade from the wild corridors.

Mrs.Palm, our home room teacher, elegantly walked to the front of the class and took a marker from the desk and wrote ‘Mrs.Palm’ in large letters in the middle of the white board. “Good morning, class. I am your home room teacher, my name,” she pointed to what she wrote on the board, “Is Mrs.Palmer. I would very much appreciate you actually remembering my name, seeing as I have to remember all 27 of your names.” She advised, pursing her lips. That’s the exact same introduction she gave us in Freshman year.

“As Mr.Richards has informed you all,” she continued holding her hands behind her back and strutting around the room, “You will have partners this year. One partner for Science. One partner for English. One partner for art.” With every sentence she announced she turned to one of us, staring down with her glasses on the tip of her nose. “Your Science, English and Art teacher will be coming around to explain in further detail. For now, we’ll wait – in silence – until their done explaining to the other classes.” Leaving us with her final command she marched back to her desk, sat down and pulled out some papers.