They Call Me Homewrecker (Septiplier One Shots)

Chaaaaarge!

A/N This chapter was a request for something more light hearted and fun. I apologize for it taking so long to get written.

This is based off of PAX East 2016 and includes Mark, Jack, Patrickstatic, and Wade. There were some other youtubers who hung out with them at East but I only wanted to write about four.

And I'm also incredibly excited for PAX East 2017, so there's that, too. Anyway, enjoy! Also not my video, kay thanks!

Notmyvideo

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"Mark, what the fuck are we doing?" Jack's voice was cautious but with an underlying excitement.

"Getting you the American Experience, Jackiboy!" Mark laughed, his ASS ASS glasses glinting in the false light of the lampposts in the deserted parking lot. "We have a brilliant plan."

"Yeah man, relax." Patrick laughed, raking back his hair. "This is gonna be a blast."

"I dunno about this either, guys." Wade was bringing up the rear, looking wary. 

"It'll be fineeeeeeeeee." Mark said again, waving his hand in a nonchalant way. "Don't worry about it."

"I'd like to come back to America some day, you know." Jack laughed and raked a hand through his hair. "I feel like this is gonna get me deported."

"You'll be fineeee." Mark laughed, spreading his arms as he walked past the sliding glass doors. "Come on, we're gonna do a midnight joust." 

The Wal-Mart they'd entered was empty and quiet, though it wouldn't remain that way for long. Mark immediately got a cart and nudged Jack, gesturing for him to get in with a rough smirk. 

"Come on, Jackipoo, get in." 

"What? Why?" Jack asked, already getting into the cart. It was pretty awkward, his long legs were bent and he settled his arms against his knees, leaning back against the cool metal.

"Because, we're going cart jousting. Patrick, get in the other one. You and Jack and lighter than Wade and I anyway."

Patrick climbed into the cart with a laugh and Mark and Wade began pushing down the mostly empty isles. Jack felt a bit silly, to be honest, all jammed into that little trolly, but Patrick smiled at him and, well, it didn't seem so silly.

"You realize," Jack murmured, leaning back to look at Mark. "That we are grown men, role models to millions and we're here in trollies getting ready to play like children, right?" He laughed, running a hand through his bright green locks.

"Sometimes, Jack, you just need to be a little reckless." Wade smiled, looking suddenly younger as he did. "Don't be a baby, we'll be fine."

They continued through the store, searching in vain for a pool isle. It was early spring, so it wasn't super strange that there was none. After all, it was too cold outside to swim yet. Someone, -Patrick- had started playing music on their phone, and the men were absently jamming while Mark paced the store, an obvious idea in mind for whatever it was he wanted. Jack was content to sit back in the cart and relax, if only for a moment.

"Catch!" Jack had to react quickly as Mark pelted the helmet at him. 

He caught it, but Patrick took it straight to the stomach, wincing as it hit. Inspecting it, Jack realized it was a common bike helmet. Confused, he strapped it onto his head, absentmindedly adjusting it so his bright tuft of hair was showing. He saw Patrick strapping the helmet to his head, and turned to look at Mark over his shoulder.

"What do I need this for?" 

"Jousting, obviously. Your fucking fangirls would kill me if you cracked your head open while doing this. Well, that and I needed something to strap the Go-Pro to, so, sorry not sorry." Mark grabbed Jack's helmet, pulling it back and attaching the tiny camera mount. "Don't be a bitch and get some good content!" 

Jack grumbled, but let Mark strap the camera to his helmet. If anything, it'd be some kick ass footage for the channels, which was always a bonus. One less day of recording. Not that Jack didn't love recording, it was just nice to have a day or two off. And besides, sometimes it was nice to record something stupid you did when you were younger, so you could go back to it and laugh when you were older. It was the kind of thing he wanted to show his kids, if he chose to have some, someday.

Looking to Wade and Patrick's cart, he felt a little better to see Patrick was in fact also wearing a helmet. He smiled and shot Jack a thumbs up.

Half a dozen minutes, two rubbish bin lids and two foam swords later and they were ready to joust.

The frozen section of the store was empty and mostly cameraless, so they thought it would be a good idea to joust there. All four men were laughing as Jack started the Go-Pro before jumping to his feet.

"Charge!" He called, pointing his sword at Patrick.

"Charge!" Mark echoed, running at full speed toward Wade's cart.

Jack wobbled, but was determined to stay standing, in case he needed to jump out of the cart. The two carts collided with a bang, foam swords moving viciously as the two helmeted men began to fight. Jack had the advantage, whapping Patrick in the head and shoulders, but Patrick went for the knees, eventually bringing Jack down. The two squabbled while Mark and Wade got into a harmless "cat fight" all four men laughing when the carts tipped, sending Patrick and Jack crashing into Mark and Wade. 

Needless to say, two rubbish bin lids, two foam swords, two helmets and twelve bags of frozen peas were bought that night.

The next day, when Jack was questioned as to why he was limping, he simply winked and told the fans to blame it on Septiplier.

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A/N Sorry for how long this chapter took! I still hope you guys enjoyed it c: