Afterglow (BWWM)

Chapter 9

Don't be late...

It was embarrassing how excited I was about today. I could think of nothing else. I left my building an hour early, even knowing it would less than fifteen minutes to walk to the Kappa Theta Rho fraternity house.

I hoped Drew didn't make a big deal about me walking home again today. He had all the control when we were together. I wanted to at least have a choice of when I came and when I left without having to rely on him. That time alone with my thoughts afterward was exactly what I needed to decompress. And given his warning about this lesson from earlier, I suspected I would have a lot to think about after tonight. I couldn't wait to find out what he had in store for us.

I stepped into the busy street that led to campus when I heard my phone's default ringtone. I looked at the caller ID and froze. Ignore it, the little imaginary voice told me. Traffic was loud, I could pretend not to hear. I didn't have to answer.

I sighed. I was lying to myself. If I didn't pick up now, I'd have hell to pay later. I groaned, looked to the sky and steeled myself when I answered.

"Hello."

"Allison," the familiar stern voice sounded from the other end. I hated when she called me that.

"Mom," I said.

"You sound like you're outside. You going somewhere?"

If she only knew. "Yes, and I'm in a hurry. Everything alright?"

"No, Allison, I don't believe so. Can you explain why a welcome package for Yale Law School arrived in the mail for you today?" she asked in a tone that raised goosebumps on my skin and I could hear the accusation through the receiver.

I licked my lips. I'd messed up. I didn't change the mailing address on the application. That's all it took to get caught. Missing one stupid detail. I was usually better at covering my tracks than this. A car honked at me, bringing me back to the present. I looked around and realized I was standing in the street holding up traffic. I raised a hand in apology and jogged out of the road.

"Sorry. I must have forgotten to tell you," I lied.

"You forgot to tell me that you went against everything I said?"

My hand squeezed the phone until it hurt. "If you want to look at it that way," I said on impulse, before my brain could edit my words.

"Excuse me, Allison? Are you talking to me? I suggest you try again."

My annoyance grew and I held the phone even tighter. "Sorry, I thought we already talked about me applying to Yale."

"You know exactly what we discussed. You were supposed to be applying to the education program. I specifically said no to law school and you know that. But you went against my wishes anyway."

Never good enough. Undeserving. Judged.

The barrage of words played over and over in my mind, threatening to batter me in submission. Transporting me to a time when I never had a choice. I struggled to stifle the anger brewing deep down. I couldn't get mad. Not with her. It wasn't worth it. I knew from experience. I needed to choose my words carefully before I said things even a mother couldn't forgive.

I took a measuring breath. It was a useless maneuver as it did nothing to cool me down. "Yes, I applied. And I got in. I thought you'd be proud."

"Proud? You lied to me."

"If you would only listen, I wouldn't have to lie."

"You are unbelievable. Utterly incapable of accepting responsibility for your own actions."