Come lie with me

Chapter 17

"Damn," Lexie mumbled as she peered out her windshield once she got back in her car after taking Meredith inside. The rain was really coming down. Lexie shook her head ruefully. Normally, she loved nights like this. When nature took over, and seemed to wash everything away. It always made her feel very small in comparison to the universe. Normally, she would savor the chance to be out in weather like this, but at this particular moment there was only one place she wanted to be.

Home.

It was strange how she had come to think of her and Mark's apartment that way after only two months. For most of her life, home had been a small split level house that she had grown up in with her parents and her little sister; but no longer. Home was with Mark now.

Home was their apartment, and would be their penthouse, and perhaps one day a house.

Home was with him.

Things had changed so irrevocably in such a short time. For all her talk of soul mates and fate, it still surprised her that she had found just that. While Lexie believed that to be the case with her and Mark, she never would have allowed herself to imagine such a thing as recently as a year ago.

Probably because she had never felt like this before.

All three of her relationships before Mark seemed to be a gradual easing into love, or they were completely one-sided; it had never been like this. She had never been so impulsive, or relied so heavily on her feelings. She had been idealistic, sure, but never so reckless. Lexie smiled to herself when she thought of how for once, she had made the right decision.

How different would her life be now if she had deemed Mark too risky, or continued to throw herself at George despite overwhelming evidence regarding his indifference?

It was a scary idea to even contemplate.

The rain continued to fall on the ride home from Meredith's house. It was starting to collect as well, in the gutters, as it rushed to sewer openings. This much rain was hardly seen, even in Seattle, but Lexie didn't notice. Her mind had moved on from Mark and was now focused on the conversation she had with Meredith.

It was a confusing idea to her that Meredith was trying in the only way she knew how to be a sister, but still not doing it successfully. Lexie tried to think back to how her relationship with Molly had been when they were growing up. Had there been this constant tension? Lexie remembered being annoyed with her when she tagged along or when she took something without asking, but there had always been an unspoken agreement that they had each other's backs.

They had been a family; first and foremost, they had been there for each other.

But Meredith had never had that.

Lexie tried to imagine what it had been like to be the great Ellis Grey's daughter, but her mind couldn't seem to give her a clear picture. She had never known much about Meredith's mom until she came to Seattle Grace, but then she started taking care of her dad and things had been mentioned. Her father seemed to curse Ellis as much as he had admired her. It had utterly confused Lexie at the time, but now that she thought about it, it made sense.

Meredith was a perfect combination of that conundrum.

She had lived in her mother's shadow, but at the same time had probably resented her for that. From the way Meredith was with Derek, Lexie guessed that deep down her sister just wanted to be happy, but really had not the skills or knowledge of how to.

It would be so simple if she knew what Meredith wanted from her. Lexie never knew when to back off, or try again. But after what Meredith had told her tonight, Lexie thought that it was worth trying again.