Behind The Lens• Clexa AU

Chapter 27:These legs are made for walking.

Lexa plopped back down in her seat next to Raven, thinking of the last time they were in a situation like this, but with the roles reversed.

Trigger warning
Flashback.

Lexa frowned at the dull knife in front of her, it was part of her fathers collection, Raven hid all her blades, thinking that would stop her. She convinced Lincoln and Anya to removed the doorknob from her room. Go keep her from locking herself in. All the kitchen knives were put away, replaced with plastic cutlery. Lexa needed a supervisor aka Lincoln or Anya  to unlock the knives for her and watch as she used them. But Anya was away with the military. And Lincoln was in the garage with his band. Lexa didn't need his key. She just had to search through his room long enough to find the knife collection her inherited.

Thoughts of Costia and her parents wouldn't leave her mind that day, some kid at school reminded her that everyone she loved, died.. And that soon her brother and sister wouldn't be far behind. Lexa was honestly tired of school. Costia's face was plastered all over the walls. Her little memorial locker was 2 away from hers, so she saw it every day. Her face would always be put at the end of the morning school news. They wouldn't let the students forget their dear friend.

The last straw was when Lexa came home, to find a picture of her and Costia half burned. It was one she hadn't seen before and only assumed Lincoln was printing out pictures from his camera and that one came into the mix by accident. Her side was burned, and Costia's face was half gone. Something about the thought of Costia ever leaving her mind, made her angry, made her guilty. And her wrist began to itch.

The itch wasn't something she could just scratch away, no, that only made it less bothersome. But when she held the blade to her wrist, that made the itch go away.. Even if it was just for a minute. It went Away.

The blood pumping through her veins burned hot, as her skin goose-bumped and her fingers dug Into her wrist. She starred at the beautiful dull knife in front of her. She placed the end on her skin and let it dance.

Beads of Crimson regret laced her flesh and she grimaced. With every line her chest felt tighter. With every line her Eyes felt heavier. With every line her mind grew emptier. With every line she felt less guilty. She felt closer to her death by a thousand cuts. Even if they were self inflicted. She deserved It.

Lexa's grip tightened on the handle and she connected one line to another, this time.. Grazing the vein that held her pulse point. She knew she fucked up when the blood dripping to the marble floor in her bathroom was no longer bright red but a deep one. The knife fell to the floor with a clang. Panicking she ran her wrist under the sink, clearing the cut from blood so she could see the damage she caused. But the blood poured out of her all too quickly.

She didn't want to die, yet that was the only thing that stopped her from crying for help. If this was how she was going to leave this world then maybe she better accept it. Her sobs rung loudly through the house. But her brothers band was louder. Maybe that's why it took Raven so long to locate the girl, when she stepped through the threshold of the house.

7 days she stayed in the hospital, on suicide watch. Just like when her and Raven met. Raven wouldn't leave, no matter what. At first it annoyed Lexa. It was a couple months after they almost had sex, and she still wasn't sure how much she wanted to invest herself in the girl. But Raven just moved in with her and Lincoln after Anya went away with the military. It wasn't like she could avoid her. Lincoln stopped by a few times after school. But he was a kid, the severity of the situation wasn't hitting him. Raven was the only one, who called Anya keeping her up to date, made sure linc was eating, packing his lunch. She cared for the family that helped her escape the claws of her mothers hate. She cared for the girl who didn't mind if she woke up the next morning. She didn't know why but she did.

Lexa scrolled through her phone, obviously upset, her best friend didn't understand.

"Lex, we still haven't talked about what happened before.." Raven reminded her. She wasn't going go just forget about how she hurt her best friend. She wasn't going to let an accident be the bandaid that patched them up.

"I told you, there's nothing to talk about.. It's fine" Lexa looked up from her phone briefly for emphasis.

But Raven wasn't buying it. "Lexa you were really hurt, in the car. You honestly don't expect me to believe an accident just brushed that all way" Raven reached for the girl but Lexa moved back slightly. "You see! " Raven added.

"I'm fine! Drop it " Lexa tried once more but that's the last thing Raven wanted to do. "No, I need you to know that I'm sorry, I need you to know that I wanted to tell you but I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I was in love with an engaged man.. Even if I had no clue about it. I was ashamed I wasted so much of my life, planning a life with him, for him to just die a cheat. I was afraid you'd judge me, I was afraid you'd pity me" Raven confessed. She felt relieved to finally be speaking of this with her best friend after hiding it for 7 almost 8 months.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I honestly don't even think it was about you.. I also didn't want to talk about it, period.. But I'm really sorry"Raven reached for her hand again, and this time Lexa entwined their fingers.

"Alright, now your really forgiven" she joked. Raven wasn't one for serious moments, so she knew if she wanted to keep the girl sane she better throw some jokes in their to alleviate her.

"Thank god cause I really have to pee" Raven shifted in the bed.

"You have a catheter" Lexa reminded her, since she couldn't walk yet, that was something she had so she would be able to pee even in bed..

"I kind ripped it out, hours ago.... Come on help me get to the bathroom." She told Lexa. Holding her other hand out for the girl to support her.

Lexa put her hand over her shoulder and awkwardly sort of carried the girl to the bathroom. But half way Lexa loosened her grip accidentally and Raven tipped over.

Before she could hit the floor her leg touched the ground and steadied her, much to her surprise. Shocked Ravens as standing on her own, Lexa slowly let go of the girl standing back to watch.

Ravens leg shook slightly as the other one dragged its way behind her.. But she would walk. Even if it was with one leg.. She could walk. Tears streamed down her face as she looked towards Lexa with the biggest smile.

Abby walked into the room only seconds after the discovery. "Ahh I see you've discovered the good news yourself" she smiled warmly towards the crying girl. Raven turned to slowly walk towards Abby, but stumbled.

"Easy there.. Alright. I have some great news " she said, helping Raven take a seat on the bed. The girl forgot why she even got up in the first place she was so ecstatic.

She was speechless. And so was Lexa. Abby sat between the both of them, grabbing their hands slightly. "I ordered a brace as soon as I got here, with that you can walk comfortably, you will be on muscle relaxers and pain extractors twice a day.. But other than that. You're good as new" she hugged the girl happily.