What the actual fuck. The doctor is pushing the baby towards me, but I keep shaking my head. 'No, no no no.' What is this? I look at Lacey, who has tears streaming down her face from giving birth, but is looking at the bundle with pride. I'm temporarily distracted, and the doctor pushes the bundle into my arms. I look down. I see the body of a normal baby, plump and rosy pink. But the head... The thinner than thin blonde toupee-like hair, the wrinkles, the light eye circles, the orange face, squinty eyes, thin chapped lips, the general resemblance to a cutlet of raw chicken. It's all there, bawling at me, covered in a filament, possibly drool, possibly snot. It's horrifying. I don't want to look at it. It sobs, wailing "build a wall! I hate Muslims!"
"What are you???" I say in horror.
YOU ARE READING
Bill Nye; My Guy
FanfictionWhen Lacey, a open and frankly dumb professional middle aged white woman, finds Bill, a handsome virginial scientist in the fruit section of the organic grocery store, a bushel of locally grown kale isn't the only thing produced.
