Pools of Emerald (frostiron fic)

10.) The Breaking Point

Quick Update: sorry everyone who had asked about the update. I've had a lot going on with the new year. Between work, family and a close friend passing away I've been trying to juggle a lot at once so I have not had the time or the mentality to update so I am sorry it has been a long wait! I just had to get myself out of a funk. Also I'm sorry if this chapter sucks, it felt very forced for me and it was not easy to write.

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The next few nights had gone by in a blur for Loki. The bottle of whiskey was completely empty by this point in time. He was distancing himself enough from Tony to keep himself sane, but not so much as to have him question it. A tipsy Loki glanced around the room, surprised that it wasn't spinning. He was becoming more and more tolerant of alcohol, so what had gotten him completely drunk that first night, would hardly get him tipsy now.

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Tony too had been distancing himself from Loki. He didn't want to smother him, he knew Loki would have moments of seclusion every now and again just like any other person. In the same breath Tony also needed his own space, he can't be with Loki every second of every day. Stark especially needed the space, Pepper of all people decided to call him the other day. She mentioned meeting up and talking. Tony was fine without Pepper, he didn't need her; at least that's what he told himself. But what could it hurt? Maybe regaining a friendship wouldn't be such a bad thing. In fact, the more he thought about it, he missed the companionship. He missed having someone to lay next to at night. He didn't expect anything other than resolving old issues and the potential friendship but who knows what could come. While Tony was thinking about it, he thought to call Pepper. It rang at least three times before she answered. "Hi Tony." She mumbled on the other end.

"Hey Pep, you can come by whenever. I've got plenty to drink, not that you don't already know that."

"Ok Tony. I'll be over there soon I was just leaving."

The more he heard her talk, the more he truly missed her. In the back of his mind he did get his hopes up; more than a friendship.

*potential TW*
Back in his room, Loki paced around, anxiously writing his hands together. Nothing would take this feeling away other than a strong drink, which he didn't have. Anger danced throughout his body like pins and needles; jabbing him every chance it got. His heart rate spiked, leaving him out of breath. He envied Stark and how he could make him feel this way with the simple sideways glance towards him. "I need to get the fuck out of here" he mumbled to himself. As quickly as the thought popped up in his head, he was out of his room and taking the stairs two at a time to get out the door. "Whoaaaa why the rush goat horns?" Tony chuckled trying to conceal his concern.

"Oh I just need to get out for a little bit Stark, going a little stir crazy." Loki forced a charming smile and briefly slowed his pace. "Do you need anything if I go out?" *keep bringing on the charm* he thought to himself.

"Nope, not that I know of. It will do you some good to get out a little" Tony replied with a raised eyebrow. As confused as he was he wasn't going to question it. He left his room so that was enough for him. As soon as the cold air hit his face, Loki's breathing almost immediately slowed. There is always something calming about fall nights. He pulled his hood over his head and started walking; lighting up a cigarette. The nicotine entering his body slowly subdued the trembling in his hands. He approached a bench, sat down and sighed. *TW* As Loki was finishing his cigarette he glanced down at his arm, sleeve rising. His cuts were still fairly new. Some scarring, some still scabbed. Part of him felt ashamed at how he could do something like that. And the other part knew it was helping him. A shiver ran up his spine, he was itching to add on to his array of scars. Instantly he felt triggered and felt the need to have that relief. If he had a bottle of something, anything, it would just take some of this horrible feeling away. The more he thought, the more he pondered.

"Anthony is never going to love you, you ignorant fool." Loki buried his face in his hands. He wanted so desperately to scream. He had never felt this way about anyone before and it had to be Stark. Loki had begun to realize that he couldn't keep living like this. He couldn't keep hiding from himself. "What is the worst that could happen, he kicks me out and I'm left in the street again?" Loki thought to himself. He ultimately feared rejection and losing someone deeply important to him. He kept scenarios running through his head. "Well let's say that doesn't happen. I will be able to live." He could go without feeling this heavy weight falling over him. He already has enough burdens on his shoulders and this one is one of the heaviest. "I have to tell him," Loki spoke softly. "He needs to know how I feel." In that moment he felt like vomiting. "I have to tell him the truth." Loki continued talking to himself until he mustered up some courage to make his way back to Stark Towers. He shakily lit another cigarette and recited what he was going to say in his head; over and over. "Anthony I can't keep this to myself anymore. I need to be honest... I'm in..." "Love.." "I'm in love..."

"With... You."