Closets and Secrets (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 5: First Choice

As soon as my porch came into view, I saw Tony sitting on my steps.

How long have you been waiting?

Tony jerked up, surprised by my sudden arrival.

Uhmm..He scratched his head. A couple of hours?

Tony.
Cas.
We said at the same time.

Tony, I'm sorry.

Me too.

I'm sorry I overreacted. I'm sorry I snapped at you.

I'm sorry too... for trying to match you with Jase... for meddling with your affairs as you put it... and for being annoying.

You were just trying to be a good friend. I'm sorry I did not see it that way.

We hugged each other.

I really missed you Tony. Friends?

Duh bitch!

He laughed and we sealed it with another hug.

So... you and Jase huh...

Yeah. We kissed and made up. He's really a good guy. I could see myself falling for him. Thank you.

You're welcome Cas. You know I only want the best for you. He smiled at me.

Again thank you. I grasped his hand.

We just stayed there for a couple of minutes before I realized how intimate our position was and removed my hand.

After a few quiet minutes he waved goodbye and told me that he'll be back again tomorrow.

I guess by now I'm quite sure that I'm in love with my bestfriend (if I had any doubts before). Unfortunately, he doesn't see me that way. At least I have Jase.

Jase, a very attractive guy who by some weird blessing from the heavens finds me attractive.

Jase, who proved to be very patient with me despite my on and off attitude and mood swings.

Jase, who looks a lot like Tony.

Jase, who doesn't deserve to be treated like a second choice.

The worst part is, he knew all along and still stayed. He doesn't deserve this though. I don't deserve him.

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LEGEND:
[ ] - Text message
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It took me two days to muster the courage to talk to him.

[Jason, we need to talk.]

[Sure. When?]

[Are you free now?]

[Now's good]

[Okay. Can you come over at my house?]

[No prob. I'll be there in 20.]

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So what are we going to talk about?

He smiled at me warmly.

My heart broke.

I tried opening my mouth but no sound came out. I needed to tell him. I needed to tell him that I'm in love with someone else. He deserves that much. But each time I try, I begin doubting my decision and chicken out.

After all, Jason was obviously the safer choice.

He was the more practical option.

But the heart never settled for anything less than what it wants.

I guess in my silence he got the message as he held my hand and nodded in understanding. As if he knew how much it pained me to do this. Even at the losing side, he still had my best interests at heart.

He stood up and beckoned me to do the same. He stepped forward and gave me a hug. In his arms, I felt the "I love yous" that will be left unsaid. In his warm embrace, the price of the choice I made.

He gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

I hope Tony knows how lucky he is. He whispered.

I felt warms tears falling from my eyes.

Shhh Cas, don't cry. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still your friend. Maybe in another life we'd be together but not in this one. I love you both too much to stand in your way. I guess I knew from the start that I was battling against the odds with you. The both of you may not know it but you were made for each other. It was stupid of me to even try.

I surprised him by capturing his lips with mine. Words were not necessary at the moment because in that kiss, I showed him how much I loved him.

Maybe not the way he wanted.

Maybe not the way I wanted.

But I loved him.

I loved him enough to set him free.

I loved him enough that it hurts me.

This kiss was a way of saying goodbye and hello at the same time.