Star Wars EU Ships and One-Shots

Looking For You

Inspired by the pictured comic

Leia deserved to have a reaction to finding out about Padmé, too.

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  Leia could still remember all those years ago when she didn't want to know anymore. Knowing who her father was had been hard enough. She was scared of how much worse it could get. So, when Luke had suddenly expressed an untamed interest to find out who their mother had been . . . Leia recalled all the hurtful words she'd screamed, the harsh pitch to which she'd raised her voice, the furious level her anger had reached. She'd made it clear to her brother that he was not to involve her family in his craziness. He was not to involve her children in it. He was not to involve her in it.

  But, now, here she was. After Luke had shown the holo to her, she'd watched it. Once. Twice. Three times. She'd lost count of how many times she'd replayed and watched the holo. All she did know was that her heart somehow felt more whole. A piece of the puzzle had been found and it excited her, thrilled her.
  But, before the excitement, there was an odd pain that hit her. How she could be so overcome with grief over a mother she never knew, Leia couldn't understand. Here she sat, mourning over this woman whom she'd never met, never acknowledged as a mother. Or, maybe, that was how she could mourn. She'd never even known her biological mother. The thought struck her heart and she uttered another sob, bringing up a hand to wipe at her eyes. Just then, Leia felt something touch her shoulder and she craned her head to look at her daughter. "You okay?" Jaina asked.
  Leia managed a nod.
  "Are you ready to go in? The guard's about to come back."
  Leia nodded again, rising to her feet with Jaina. Sure enough, just as she said, one of the guards on shift came back to the small office and gestured them forward. "Mistress Solo, you may come in, now, if you're ready."

  "Thank you."
  The guard led the two women down a pathway from the office. They followed the deep purple-painted pathway to a rather small mausoleum. Though it was small, it was obvious it was an important one. Painted in different shades of dark and pastel purples, it was decorated for an honorable queen. When the guard approached with Leia and Jaina, the guards surrounding the entrance stepped aside and allowed for the other guard to unlock the entrance door. It opened with a long, low groan and the guard stopped just inside the door, waiting for the women to follow. Slowly, Leia took the steps to enter and Jaina maintained pace with her, letting her mother have the time. She finally entered and the guard shut the door, lit a lamp, and bowed before a  gray, rectangular, stone sarcophagus. "Herein lies our beloved queen and senator, Her Highness Padmé Amidala. May she rest in peace." Then, he stood and turned back to Leia and Jaina. "Would you like the time alone, Mistress Solo?"
  "Yes, please," Leia managed on a dry throat, wrapping her arms around herself. When he left, Leia shuddered, her gaze turning to the sarcophagus. "Well. We're here now."
  "Are you sure you're okay? We can do this another time if you ne-"

  "No," Leia shook her head. "No, I'm okay. I want to do this now." She wiped more tears away. "I need to do this now."
  Jaina nodded, peering around the small room. She cast a long look at the sarcophagus before stepping back towards the door. "I feel like you have a lot to say and I'm intruding."
  "No, Jaina-"

  "And that's perfectly okay. I'll leave you two to talk for a while."
  Jaina left, shutting the door behind her. Maybe, she was right about Leia needing this moment alone. As soon as she was gone, Leia suddenly found the words she'd been looking all day for. She turned to the sarcophagus, brushing a hand along its length while she turned her gaze up to the stain glass image of her mother at the head of the sarcophagus. She gave another sob before she began. "I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe you're here. When Luke was trying to find you . . . I was really scared. I was scared that, after learning about Father . . . I was scared that the story was going to get worse. But it doesn't. I'm really glad it doesn't." She moved both hands to rest on the edge of the coffin, her tears spilling onto the stone casket that held her mother.
  "Even after I forgave Father . . . I was terrified to get to know you. I was so terrified. But you're not who I thought you would be. You're someone I can be proud of. . . . You're someone I am proud of. Sabé used to tell me stories about working for you. I always thought that was just her way of dealing with grief, but now I suspect she always knew I was your daughter. The terms still sound weird to me. Father. Mother. Daughter. The only father and mother I've ever truly known were Bail and Breha. But I've come to forgive and, somehow, I feel like we're still connected. I want to be connected to you. I wish we could be.
  "I wish I could have known you. I wish I'd had you when I was growing up. I wish you could have been a true mother to me. Sometimes, I think that I've been trying to make up for it with my kids and now just Jaina and Jacen; like I'm giving them the childhood and the family that I never had. I don't mean that I didn't like Bail and Breha. I loved them. I still love them. They were everything I had and they raised me like I was their own. But, like Luke wishes he could have grown up with Father there . . . I wish I could have grown up with you there. When I was little, still growing. When I met Han and we got married. When we started our own family. Now. I wish you'd been my mother."

  Leia bent over the casket and wept over the stone, her fingers running over the carved Naboo emblem while she imagined what her mother looked like when they'd dressed her for burial and brought her lifeless body here. She'd seen holos and documentaries of the funeral procession. She'd even visited the site before coming here, but part of her thought she might look different in life.

  Child, a light and airy voice seemed to whisper aloud. Leia jumped, startled. Hands still on her mother's coffin, she looked around wildly for anyone else in the mausoleum. But there was no one else. Child . . . I have always been here . . .