I continue sobbing and carry on listening to the sound of my daughter's voice. I feel trapped in here, the room is getting smaller and it's suffocating me. I can't block out the words she says however I don't fight with it. There's always a probability that I could never hear her voice again...
"There was once a rabbit. Its favourite colour was red. Like the roses that grew in his garden. He planted them to remind him of his wife. He'd always water them and take care of them. The rabbit also had a son. The rabbit would always tell his son not to leave the house when it's dark because there are very mean foxes outside that aren't friendly. But the bunny always wanted to look at the stars at night. His father would always tell him to stay inside but the bunny thought he's old enough to take care of himself. The bunny went outside and hopped to a meadow that was 10 bunny minutes away from home. The daddy rabbit didn't know and he was too busy taking care of his red roses he didn't realize his son was gone. However the small bunny didn't return when the sun came up on the sky to light up the forest. The bunny met the bad foxes when he was looking at the beautiful stars in the sky and he never came home."
The tears keep coming and my eyes begin to hurt. "What happened to daddy rabbit?" I ask and wait for an answer impatiently.
"When daddy rabbit found out, he got very upset. He wouldn't smile anymore. He went to his garden and looked at his beautiful red roses. He ripped out a thorn and pressed it into his white fluffy wrist. His wrist was red just like the roses in his garden. He took another thorn and pressed it into the other white fluffy wrist. Both of his wrists were red - his favourite colour. He smiled and sat down. His fur wasn't white anymore, it was red. Just like the roses. The daddy rabbit fell asleep."
My eyes are wide open. My vision is blurred from the layer of tears covering my eyes. I move away from the wall I've been pressing my back to while I was listening to the story Cherry has just told me. I try to stand up but something is stopping my leg from moving. Panicking probably took my attention off a bit of the glass that got stuck in my leg.It's painfully stuck deep in. I grit my teeth and tense my muscles but I manage to take it out. It's quite a big chunk of glass. The blood left stains on my jeans and it's still coming out of the wound. It's red. Just like the roses. I look at the sharp edges of the piece of glass. The daddy rabbit could have saved his son. He didn't pay enough attention to him. It was his fault. My fingers start going numb as I press the broken glass into my wrist letting out the cherry coloured blood.
"Just like the roses, Daddy."
Miles' words rang in my ears. The blood is pouring out of the wound. My hand is slowly going numb but I force it to hold the piece of glass. It didn't take much time until i stopped feeling both of my hands. But the blood didn't stop leaving my body.
"What if it's not enough, Daddy?" Lilly's words reminded me of the present I got from Gerard. I reached out for the box behind the mirror.
"Take two tablets before going to sleep?! Why just two? Why not twenty-two?" I laugh hysterically to myself as my grip, on the box of something that can save me, tightens. I tip a hand full into my hand, not bothering to count or care. I hold them in my mouth while I bend under the tap to swallow them with water. I swallow each of them separately counting the gulps I take. I can hear the kids behind me cheering and clapping, loving that I was finally doing something right for them.
“I’m doing this for you,” I whimper with my eyes closed. I swipe at the stray drops of water that went over my face. “I’m your red rabbit and I’m sorry I let you leave.”
“Daddy, will you sleep forever?” Cherry asks, playing with her skirt.
“Hopefully.”
And then they disappear, leaving me to the emptiness of the bathroom. I’m going to fall asleep here and never wake up. I feel… good. There are no huge thoughts in my head other than the thoughts of where I’ll go. Will I stay under the ground forever or will I go somewhere else? But then, heaven isn’t really a place for a loser like me. I’m destined for worse things. The feeling of sleep, the one I haven’t felt properly in so long, washes over me and I accept it. I accept it because I’ll finally be okay. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, loving taking my last breaths.
Chapter 6
Start from the beginning
