Chapter 8

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Monday 24 October 

OK so firstly Kennedy is just like a total horror show to everyone. This poor girl Mushira was trying to do the first couple of moves in this step dance, and she just couldn’t get it. Killer Kennedy was shouting at her in Irish, and was making the poor girl really nervous. In the end she turned the music off and I thought she was going to rocket off again like she did at me before, but Mushira stood up straight just like Kennedy wanted and managed to avoid a big shout-athon. Seeing Kennedy calm down a bit was great but I knew Mushira still hadn’t got it. So I showed her the way we did it Charlestown style. She nearly got it but Kennedy was beginning to go a bit red faced again so I decided to leave it there before her eyelashes started flashing together.

As we were leaving, Murphy and his band of degenerates (ha!) were coming into the room. They had a big boom box, Murphy looked pretty shocked to see me. I just pushed past him but he shouted after me ‘Hey Miss USA, what you up to?’ I told him: ‘Irish Dancing’, and he just started laughing. I gave him my Aisling Hard Stare though and he soon shut up. I decided to let him know I was not impressed with the way his so-called mates had treated me the other day. And he did apologize on their behalf. HA!

Then it turns out that he’s been watching Rory and me dancing in the garden!! All those goofy moves we were doing – how embarrassing is that? Is nothing sacred? Is a girl no longer allowed to practise her moves in the garden without fear of being watched? I thought indignantly, then I thought: I do hope I was wearing my cool stripy orange T-shirt when he was spying on me.

Then he started going on about Guru and Gang Starr. I was like, what does an Irish guy know about US Hip Hop? He got REALLY annoyed at that point. But before I could apologize, guess who turns up like a bad smell? Only Little Miss Limpet, Eavanne. She walked right up to him, put her arm through his, called ME a loser and walked Murphy away from me. I wanted to shout: ‘You’re Not Even Going Out With Him, You Freak. Who’s the loser now?’ But I didn’t think about it until about two hours later and I didn’t know where they’d gone. Murphy. Please write this on a post-it and put it on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself: ‘I, Murphy, am NOT going out with Eavanne’.  

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