Hostages (Book 2)

Chapter 34

I felt him looking at me from over his nose then he asked, "Why?"

"When everyone started those Aiall rumors I would have got alot of hated comments,and being depressed as it is, it only would have got worser."

"You weren't depressed." Niall said then began to sit up.

I looked at Niall funny. "Uh,yes I was that's why everyone--"

"That wasn't depression,you were like that because of me. .I never saw the consequence of what I did so I didn't really know it at first. That's why I--never mind."

I was confused at everything he was saying but oddly knew what he was going to say. "That's why you called every chance you got." I finished.

"Naomi told me you were always in the room when I called." His facial features turned down.

I lightly shrugged. "I was,Louis told me when I took that walk." I moved some hair behind my ear then hesitantly asked "Why do you think it was because of you?"

"The guilt I felt couldn't have been for nothing. I couldn't go an hour without thinking about how skinnier you got by the day,how much and frequent you could have got suicidal thoughts. That's why I called so much,I couldn't sleep at night without being scared of the phone ringing about you being in the hospital. I still regret what I did to you." I looked down at his hands and saw the veins under the skin and paling knuckles by his fists being clenched to tight.

"Are you saying that you were responsible for everything I did?"

I looked back at him and Niall moved his stare down then I repeated the question. "Niall,are you saying what I went through was because of you?"

"Yeah. . Seeing what you went through is why I stopped,I couldn't bring myself to hurt you anymore. Or anyone. And ironically after I made the vow,you started getting better. Minor interest in food,eye rolls,remarks,they all started coming back."

He looked really pained as he spoke and he not once looked at me,I felt hallow and somewhat to blame hearing this but I didn't show it because oddly I didn't like seeing Niall hurt. It was another emotion I never saw on him and I didn't want to see it.

 I never liked feeling his fist so I had to build up the braveness to lift my hand and force (which didn't require much because he let me reluctantly) it through his fist from above. My breathing leveled and slowed when he opened his hand and compared my hand with his.

"But I'm fine now. Walked out without a scratch." I said through a encouraging tone and had to tell a fib about the gauze pad under my shirt,thankfully he,wasn't looking at me.

"You never really come back from things like that. And when you had those nightmares,I was in them wasn't I?"

His eyes shot up to mine when I clarified, "Not all of them."

He inhaled sharply through his nose and straightened his back. "But I was in them is the point."

He started playing with my fingers and I turned back to the phone scrolled briefly through the pictures and stopped when one caught my eye. I clicked on it and the picture was modified to look vintage and like the sun was on the camera lens but it wasn't and I knew that because it was a picture of my nightstand. Of the corner of it where it was craved 'Everyone Deserves Their Other Half'. The picture was classified private and named "?",I was stunned imagining to see Niall taking a picture of this.

In the letters were shadows meaning he probably took the shot from the side my bed was on and the mahogany wood looked slightly bleached in the photo.

"What are you looking at?" I glanced at him looking curious to what I was stuck on.

"When did you take this?" I showed him the screen and he looked at it once before showing recognition.