Until Death Do Us Part? (Completed)

Chapter Thirty One: The Truth

Alex continued to stare down at the water flowing beneath in silence, his hazel eyes unreadable.

The water flowing beneath us was dark, looking like a bottle of ink had broken, spilling dark, black ink all over the ground. Staring down at it, letting my thoughts wander like the river below, I thought of him saying that, despite everything she'd done, he still loved Ariella, and couldn't help the wry smile that crossed my face. Never thought I'd say this but, Alex and I were alike.

We were both holding on in the in-between for the people who'd betrayed us. Who were, directly or indirectly, responsible for bringing us to this place. We still loved them, would still do whatever it took to return back to them, even though they probably didn't want us around anymore. We had different ways for taking it out. Alex's was sarcasm, hostility and sometimes, quite frankly, downright cruelty. Mine was shutting it out, all of it. Emotions, people, the world...Everything. Everyone. And just being with myself and my happier thoughts. All alone.

But in the end, we were far more similar than we admitted ourselves. Perhaps that's why we never got along in the first place. Like magnets, you know? Opposites attract. Similar don't.

And maybe, I realized suddenly, with a sickening lurch, even opposites don't attract sometimes. Look at Alex and Ariella. Or even me and Tris. You'll know what I'm talking about.

Love was a lot like poison, I realized. Or third-stage cancer. You tried to suck it out of you, you tried to cure it, you tried to remove it completely from yourself, but in the end, it got you. It always did. Doesn't matter how much you try to cure it or remove it from your body or take medications. Doesn't matter how many precautions you took, how many snakes you killed, how many antidotes or vaccines you took. In the end, it got you. It always did. People were right. Love was a monster. It was the most savage monster of all.

Just look at me and Alex. Or even Dy, really. Because love didn't just mean feelings of lust and excitement and everything being golden between a boy and a girl. It had a broader meaning than that. It was the feeling of trust and gratitude between a mother and child. It was the feeling of awe and pride between a father and son. The feeling of adoration between grandparents and grandchildren.

People were wrong when they said that losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a mother. They were wrong when they said that losing your life partner is like losing a part of yourself. It's not your life partner or your child that you're missing. It's that feeling you're missing. That feeling of being something. Or meaning something. The feeling of wanting to protect someone so much, you wish you could wrap them up in a cocoon and keep them beside your forever. The feeling of hearing that someone laugh, no matter who it is, and realized that it was probably the most beautiful sound you'd ever heard, far better than any song you'd downloaded on your iPod. The feeling of waking up next to the person and looking down at them and realizing, with a start, that there were a few places you'd rather be at. The feeling of being loved, of loving, of being secure in your own bubble of happiness, with no regards to what was happening in the world around you. The feeling you get when you come home after a day of work and your child wraps their arm around your neck, and you realize that maybe, maybe all the hard work and sweating and swearing was worth it, just for this moment. This one moment.

That's what you missed. That feeling. That feeling which told you that you belonged, somewhere. Not the person. That's what I missed about Tris and Suri. That's what Alex missed about Ariella. That's what Dy missed about his mom.