Underestimate Me ⇝ anakin skywalker x reader {book 1}

43.

I'm only 18, and I'm getting married.

"Thank you." I smiled, "Padmè, will you ever get married?" I asked her.

"Not for a long time. I can't possibly get married now. I have far too much work with the war to have a family to worry about." She said. I took that in. I had thought of that before in the garden but pushed it back. I thought about how happy this would make Anakin instead.

I must say, when she said she understood the attraction I got a little nervous. But Anakin would never. He's about to be mine forever, right?

I went back in and changed out of the dress leaving the hair. I hugged her one last time before racing off in my (Y/F/C) ETA-2.

I came to our officiants home. I concealed the dress in my belt under my robe and parked my ETA-2 a block over. Luckily he lived in the middle of the city, it's an easy place to become invisible. I held my hood down until I found it.

I ran up the steps but just when I was going to knock I had to stop. I took a step back. It was like reality smacked me in the face. Every concern I had buried ran up to the front of my attention.

What am I doing?

I'm betraying the Jedi Order. I'm betraying all I've been taught was right. I'm betraying the promise I made to Obi-Wan. I shook off something in my head. I felt like something was very wrong. This didn't feel right anymore. I loved Anakin, don't get me wrong. But marriage? Only a few months ago I could barely say I love you.

Maybe this isn't the right time. But when will it be the right time? Anakin had a point, I don't want to be with anyone else. But for all I know I could be in the council meeting in a week getting knighted. Which is all I want. The past 4 weeks have been my flame working towards rising above my station, this isn't what I should be focusing on. How can I live with myself and have that guilt of "Thank you all so much for giving me this honor! I won't let you down, but also while we're swapping secrets, haha I have a secret husband on the side who's also the 'chosen one.'"

I began to feel dizzy. How many rules will I break to make Anakin happy? How much of a disappointment will I be if anyone finds out? How did I get myself this deep? It's like the past few weeks I've been digging myself this hole. Every time I'm with Anakin I get lost in this fantasy. I need to be the realistic one here.

I saw a similar cloak to mine walking down the street towards me. I stood up.

"Hey," I heard Anakin's voice under his cloak, "Are you ready? Did you get your dress?" He asked.

"Anakin- I, um." I shook my head. I felt so conflicted.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)?" He asked, lifting up his hood enough so I could see his eyes. His beautiful, true eyes.

"I-I can't do this." I shook.

"I heard it's normal to get cold feet. You're just nervous-" he tried grabbing my hand but I slipped it away.

"This isn't right what we're doing, Anakin. I don't know if I can do this." I asked.

"Why didn't you say this weeks ago?" He asked.

"I got too excited. We've forgot who we are, Anakin. I'll be a knight any day now. You're a general and the Chosen One. The Republic is at war. How can we think of ourselves at a time like this? It's not fair to the Order. Or to Obi-Wan. I just told him we were only friends. He's already suspicious is getting married the best way to prove him he's wrong?" I shook my head. I felt a rogue tear fall down. I was lucky he couldn't see my face as we spoke in the shadows.

"But he's not wrong. I don't want to hear about that stupid prophecy or the war anymore. All I want to hear about is you. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of allowing other people to run our lives for us." He told me, I forgot how stubborn we both are.

"And is marriage the best way to fix that?" I asked.

"It's the best way to prove to each other that this love that we carry is forever. I love you." He grabbed my free hand again. This time I let him.

"Hasn't coming this far prove it already?" I ask,

"Maybe it proves myself. I must say you're side, I'm very worried." He crossed his arms.

"For me, please, can we give this more time. I'm sorry. I do love you. I just- need more time. I'm not used to all this. Remember how hard it as to say I love you? This is hard for me. We should wait until after-" then he started walking away. Excuse me?

I ran after him. Where did he think he was going? I was not finished talking to him.

"Anakin." I said, trying not to draw attention to myself. I ran up to him, "What are you doing? Since when do we walk away from anything?" I asked.

"(Y/N), that's what you're doing right now. You're walking away. And for no good reason." He pouted.

"I am not. I'm asking if we can move slower. You have to admit this isn't the normal pace. It was like this whole thing hit me like a truck a while back. I think we need to consider the big picture-" I said.

"None of our relationship is normal! How long will we be waiting for the situation to change, (Y/N)?" He fought, "Who knows when this war will end? Who knows when this war ends who will be alive? I surely don't. The situation will never change. Either you're okay with this, or you're not."

"I'm 18, Anakin. I'm scared." I admitted. "I don't want to lose you, ever. I love you more than anything in this world. I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you. But does that day have to be today?" I pleaded. He kept his eyes to the side. He wouldn't look at me, "Please, if you really love me, give me until after I've become a Knight. Then I can let go of my fears and be mature enough to handle this. I need to do this, for us."

"Okay." He walked away from me. I wanted to run after him but for some reason I knew I shouldn't. We needed time. He left me there on that sidewalk. I felt so cold inside. I allowed myself to cry silently until I got to my ship.

Was this the right decision?