Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 75

"Azar," I say exasperatedly, "You are overthinking this. The kids don't care about things like this so much."

"They care enough to ask," he points out.

"Okay fine. I promise," I repeat the word even though it holds too much chaos in my heart. "I'll redo it if they don't like how you do the braid," I spell it out for his satisfaction.

"Okay." We part ways after that. I retreat to my room while he returns to the dorm.

As I walk back up the stairs, I realize that I somehow managed to make everything more complicated than before.

They were about you.

Chills run down my spine as I remember Azar's words. I think I am utterly failing at doing the right thing.

I sigh. Maybe I need to talk to Dr. Laila again. I have been running away from everything my entire life. I need someone to help me learn how to stop, manage and overcome my fear.

However, the following morning I get busy with work and don't get the time to see Dr. Laila or anyone. Ms. Neela updates me on the trip schedule, and I have to make calls to the social workers to review our trip and sign legal documents.

At Iftar time, I see Azar in the usual swarm of kids. However, we don't talk much as I am swept away from the table instantly by Ms. Neela. She informs me that there is another potential sponsor, and it turns out to be Mr. Faisal. He heard of our orphanage name and wished to contribute.

Since I am so caught up with work, I message Azar that he can pray Tarawih by himself. I realize only hours later that tonight is the 29th night, which means there is a possibility that we won't ever get to pray Tarawih together again.

The thought saddens me more than I anticipated, so I decide, despite feeling exhausted, to make sure I go with him to Qayimulayl.

After I get ready, I go to the dorms. I feel a weird sort of anxiety wash over me due to the time of night. However, I find Azar awake, reading his manuscript in the light of his mobile.

As if he senses me, he meets my eyes, and my heart drops, but I don't want to seem nervous so I maintain contact. He gestures at me to wait outside and puts away the papers. He wears his slippers, and we both head out quietly as we don't want to disturb anyone.

There is a bit of time left before Qayimulayl starts, so we sit outside on the back porch. It is colder tonight, so I made hot chocolate for Azar and me. We drink quietly at first, lost in deep thoughts, and the entire time in our silence, I am trying to regulate and sort the feelings that overwhelm me.

"You said you had holidays, but you are working on an odd night," I observe aloud the easiest thing to say.

"I do have holidays, but I also have a deadline tomorrow morning," Azar explains. "Cruel world, but it is a brilliant story."

"Brilliant? What is it about?" I inquire, wanting to continue hearing his voice because it still calms my internal mess.

"Well, it is about a boy that stumbles upon a magical place," he narrates. "This place grants him three doors that represent three wishes. He can enter only one door at a time. Anxious about the future, the boy chooses the first door, and for the first choice, the boy asks to know the future." I wish I could see how everything between us unfolds, I think, and my stomach squirms. I focus back on the story. "However, no matter how much he tries to manipulate the future after knowing, all his choices lead to the same outcome as what he saw. Then the second time he stumbles upon the place again —the location is changed, and it quite later in the story— he is offered a second choice."