Gaslighting: The Ultimate Narcissistic Mind Control

Chapter 2

Intentional gas-lighting means that the narcissist is covertly or overtly manipulating, lying, and distorting reality for the victim. People who are victimized by intentional gas-lighting become more and more erratic in their own behavior. They question their own sanity and motives. They get paralyzed in their ability to trust others or to make even the most trivial decision.

The narcissist strips away most of the 'human' elements of his partner. He wants her to become one with him. She is to be an extension of him, as are his children. He is object-oriented and task-oriented, and thus sees her as being part of himself. This object-orientation is why narcissists react so badly in the wake of their partner cheating or leaving them. A narcissist also reacts quite severely to anyone threatening his belongings and his livelihood, as can be seen in narcissists who commit homicide during divorce and custody battles.

The narcissist strives to convince his partner that she is the one who must be crazy or delusional. He denies often that he is off-balance or unhealthy in any way. He has been reacting with overt and covert manipulation towards others for most of his life. He has sometimes learned no other way to relate to another human being.

The narcissist omits information or lies to his partner in order to avoid a breakup. He lies about who he is with and his whereabouts. He is often bothered and annoyed by conflict. He feels that he is always right. He feels that his opinion is more important than everyone else's opinions. He feels that the world should revolve around him. He flies into severe tantrums when it does not.

The malicious and intentional narcissist feels that the ends justify the means. The narcissist becomes annoyed when he cannot control his partner. He invalidates her emotionally. He shuts her down when she tries to get her needs met. The narcissist ceases all communication if it isn't going according to his plans. He interrupts, ignores, tantrums or cuts off discussions that aren't ultimately in his favor. He conveniently forgets everything that he promised or agreed to.

The narcissist distorts and twists the words of the other person. He hears things in his own way, and he processes them completely opposite to how they were intended. He hears what he wants to hear, and he changes the rest. He conveniently misunderstands and doesn't listen to information or requests which are important to another person. Sometimes he clarifies too much in order to be difficult for another person, and other times he can't be bothered to clarify at all.

This narcissist relishes his independence. He strongly denies the fact that he is like everyone else. He is fiercely threatened by efforts of others to get him to conform or to emasculate him in any way. He exerts his dominance and his manliness continuously. He flares his feathers in a way that a peacock does.

This type of narcissist might regularly lose his temper and abuse his partner. Some narcissists even end up killing their partner because their efforts to control the situation are not working. Narcissists often get more abusive as time goes on. The abuse has less and less immediate effect on the victim as she becomes desensitized to it. She becomes overall more obedient as he exerts more force, and then alters her life to largely conform to him. She becomes trauma bonded at this point.

The narcissist thinks of other people as his 'property'. He will become angry and upset if someone else tries to take what is his. He will throw tantrums just like a child will in order to protect what is 'his'. He seeks to break down the needs, desires and opinions of his mate. He is a control freak, and he dislikes anyone else having any power over him. Thus, everyone around him must be broken down and viewed as his minions.

He is ultimately the king of his own domain. He is in his own delusional world where he is better than everyone else. Everyone else must celebrate his 'specialness'. He is a spoiled child looking for validation from others.

The narcissist may fill other people with misinformation in the hopes that it gets back to his partner. A narcissist might tell his mother that he was fishing all day with his friends. He hopes that she passes this information to others. If his partner confronts him for coming home 4 hours late (due to being out with his mistress), he falls back on the alibi that he has created by telling his mother he would be fishing.

This behavior serves multiple purposes. He is able to project feelings of shame back onto his partner if she confronts him. His mother then chastises his partner for checking up on his whereabouts at all, inferring that she is mistreating him in some way. His mother sides with him to commiserate when he is complaining about his partner.

Narcissists can use this as a step to further their advantage in custody battle or divorce. His mother can attest that he is committing no wrongdoing. He and the mother (and possibly other family members) can make accusations that the partner has paranoia or jealousy issues, even when the narcissist is found to have cheated.

A narcissist may lie, omit information or falsify documents in order to reinforce his gas-lighting. He may skew another person's reality in order to gain an alibi. He may purposely disappear or push his partner's buttons in many ways in a cruel attempt to get his own way. The ends justify the means. He doesn't care what it takes for him to get what he wants out of a situation. He will stoop to a new low that is surprisingly immoral to his partner without even batting an eye.

A narcissist may do even worse and more manipulative and malicious acts. He might sabotage another person's job, livelihood, relationships or belongings. He will often do this very covertly. He always projects the blame back onto the victim. They caused his temper problems. They were the ones who were forgetful. If only they had done things differently. He strives to cause the other person to go stark raving mad in order to protect his place in the world.

The narcissist has a certain 'view' of his own morals and values. He must project so that he doesn't have to distort his own views of himself. If he believes that men should never hit women, he will blame his abuse on his victim. He cannot see himself as being an abuser, and thus it must be her fault for being deserving of the abuse that he doled out.

Narcissists who delight in gas-lighting, lying and manipulating others often have a tell-tale sign that they show while they are in the process of gas-lighting another person. Many psychopaths and sociopaths use what is called 'duper's delight' when they have learned that they outsmarted a jury and got away with a homicide. This 'duper's delight' is also shared by the narcissist who just got away with gas-lighting his victim. He is satisfied with himself for outsmarting another person, getting away with something, or avoiding punishment for something he has done wrong. It is no different than a child who sneaks a cookie from the cookie jar and lies to avoid being caught. The narcissist is emotionally immature, and thus reacts the same way as a child who is elated at getting away with a lie.

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