Gaslighting: The Ultimate Narcissistic Mind Control

Chapter 1

Narcissists are very immature. Many of them have the emotional stability of a child who is around the age of 9. Many parents of narcissists did not teach their child life skills beyond this point. Once the child began to individuate in a normal way, the parent either suffocated the child by being over-protective, or invalidated the child emotionally. Either way, the child became stunted in their own personal growth in the absence of a healthy adult to help to open doors for them in the real world.

A child without opportunity ceases to grow. They become wrapped up inside their own emotional pain from being invalidated and ignored. They suffer from Complex PTSD and PTSD from childhood trauma. A child who suffers from childhood trauma often goes on to suffer to emotional relationship trauma later as an adult. The narcissist has been so wrapped up in himself and licking his childhood wounds that he forgot to learn how to relate to other people in his adolescence. This sets him back significantly in his maturity in his twenties and thirties.

A narcissist who has grown up in a home with busy, frazzled or harried parents often doesn't see his parents interacting in healthy ways. Without this solid foundation, he often grows up feeling as though relationships are not all that important. If his role models instilled work ethics in him, it is far more likely that he will spend most of his time and energies on being successful at work. He will avoid the home and family life, which is the location which he feels the least successful overall due to his lack of adequate role-modeling and his lack in communication skills.

Many of us marry beneath us. We are attracted to the boyish charm of the narcissist. He is playful, witty, and funny. He is sexy in a childish way. We see him as the playful parent to his children. He makes us forget about our own problems and our own responsibilities with his whimsical and childish behaviors. The narcissist uses escapism in order to make his life more fulfilling, as he is often lacking in many of the skills required to be successful later in life.

According to the popular book by Dan Kiley, the narcissist is the 'Peter Pan' man and we are the 'Wendy'. We feel the need to fix him, to nurture him and to coddle him. He lashes out towards us in the way that a child would. He dislikes authority, and he eventually views his partner as an authority figure just for having sense of responsibility towards the world. He negates the needs of the world and the social rules that he should be conforming to, and he bucks anything else that remotely resembles social norms.

The narcissist thinks that he is special and above all others. He dislikes that others are better at certain things than he is. He will often seek to sabotage or spoil someone else's efforts in order to take credit. He hates when others point out his mistakes, and thus he will work to embarrass anyone who does this to him. He often has a fantastical temperament which he unleashes whenever he allows it to. He thrives on his boyish charm, and thus his temper is only shown to those who question the 'special treatment' that he demands from others.

The narcissist has many unhealthy coping mechanisms. He may use sex, drugs or alcohol in order to numb his low self-confidence and self-esteem. He might become impulsive and reckless in order to seek stimulation, because he is often unable to get it in healthy ways. He often lacks foresight and planning, and thus cannot foresee the consequences that will be doled out in direct relation to his actions.

Different types of narcissists may employ different types of gas-lighting: intentional gas-lighting or unintentional gas-lighting. The narcissist's strengths, weaknesses, and brain wiring often dictate which type of gas-lighting he will use.

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