*COMPLETED* don't let go (sasunaru)

not okay

TRIGGERING SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN JUST WARNIN' Y'ALL.

Also, I'm sorry but the book'll be over soon, maybe another 3 chapters or so, maybe 5, because I have other books to do. I actually have 10 other plots planned out (all Naruto books, all sasunaru, narugaa, kakanaru, or kakaIru) so I better get to work XD

THOSE OF YOU READING BEFORE MARCH 19th, 2016-BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE GO BACK AND READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH OF THE CHAPTER 'BREAKFAST' SO THE MAJORITY OF IT CAN MAKE SENSE.  THANK YOU AND IM SORRYYY IM SUCH A PEIN *Pun Intended*

art class (2pm)

I'm not paying attention in the slightest as Deidara drones on about art and explosions. I'm too busy thinking about Sasuke. He hasn't showed for art, and it was well-known that the Uchihas prefer to not make an appearance at all than be late. I check my phone for the umpteenth time since lunch. He hasn't replied to any of my messages. Not. One. Fucking. Text. My mind is racing with thoughts that make me want to scratch my own eyes out. What if he's hurt? What if someone hurt him? What if-

"Naruto, no phones in class, you know the rule," Deidara scolds. I bite my lip and put my phone into my bag. I can feel my cheeks burning. I open my mouth to apologize but no words come out, only a strangled 'hn.'  Well, fuck. 

ten minutes later

After Gaara shoots me a fourth concerned look, I smack my hand down on the table and stand abruptly, startling both him and the other students.  I turn to Deidara.  "May I be excused?" I hiss. 

"No, you may no-"

"I'm going to find Sasuke.  I need to speak with him," I explain, annoyed.  The fuck does he think he can do to stop me?

Before Deidara can speak, a low, smooth voice interrupts.  "I'll go with him, Dei," Gaara offers.  Deidara gives him a questioning look. 

"Can I trust you?" Deidara asks warily.  Gaara simply nods curtly.  "Go, then, before I change my mind." With that, I am being yanked out the exit by the tattooed redhead. 

"Do you know where he is?" I nod.  If Sasuke's anywhere, it's at the park off 5th street, sitting on a bench and watching some little boy feed the ducks.  He used to go there when he was ticked off.  Whenever his older brother and former guardian, Itachi, came home drunk, when he needed a break from his fan-club of squealing schoolgirls, or when I pissed him off with my constant optimism.  Little did he know-

I stop myself.  No, I can't go there.  That is in the past.

We walk in silence for a short while before Gaara pipes up, "I need to talk to you, too."

I halt.  Gaara stops as well, blinks twice.  "Well?" I huff.  He steps closer to me. 

"Naruto, I know this will never work and you'll despise me forever after, but I have to try," he starts, slowly advancing towards me as he talks.  Huh?  What?  I'm only half-listening, mainly focusing on the distant sound of footsteps nearing my current location.  My heart skips a beat.  Sasuke?

Before I can protest, Gaara's lips are pressed against mine.  What?  I pull away immediately, but it's too late.  Sasuke turns and disappears around the corner.  I'm in shock.  What the fuck was Gaara thinking?

"Sasuke!" I call out, sprinting away from a guilty Gaara and turning the corner onto 5th street.  "Stop!  It isn't what it looks like!" I shout, weaving through the crowds on the sidewalk in a desperate attempt to catch up to the Uchiha.  My Uchiha.  The overwhelmingly terrifying thought of him being anyone else's consumes me for a moment, and true fear sets in.  I may have lost him.  Gaara may have lost me him.  No.  No, no.  I speed up, panting heavily, hoping Sasuke will slow down soon.  I follow him to the park where he pauses to catch his breath.  Seeing this as an opportunity, I run and tackle him into the grass. 

"What the fuck, Naruto?  How the fuck could you do this to me?" He yells, bolting upright and brushing himself off.  I can see the rage in his eyes, and behind that, something worse; hurt.  My eyes begin to water at the mere thought of how much I've let him down.  "Why would you lie, you cheating bastard?  Why would you lie to my face about being with other people?" He screams, clearly unfazed by the stares of passerby.  Why do we have to fight like this in a public setting again?  Oh, right, the same reason we are having this conversation in the first place.  Because I am a fuck-up.  Tears begin to leak out of the corners of my eyes.  "I trusted you!" He shouts.  "I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!" Tears are streaming down his face as well, and the look in his eyes is killing me. 

"Sasuke, it's not what it looks l-"

"And you know what else?" He interrupts, his voice cracking mid-sentence.  "I loved you," he states, his tone softening as a single tear rolls down his cheek.  For a moment, he seems sad, so pitifully, feebly upset, and all I want to do is comfort him.  Throw my arms around him and tell him that I would never do such a thing, and that everything would be okay. 

Then he changes my perspective.

"I was wrong to love you," he begins.  "You don't deserve love.  You deserve to rot in eternal hell for this, you cheating fuck!" I take a deep breath, hoping he doesn't push me any further.  But it's a habit of Sasuke's to overstep, to ignore the line drawn in the sand.  He always goes right for the jugular.  What he says next breaks me.  "Why don't you just go and kill yourself?"

My lower lip begins to tremble, and though my brain is screaming for me to stop, my body is urging me to rid myself of the pain I feel.  I pivot and run full-speed back to Konoha University.  Fine.  He wants me to commit suicide?  I fucking will.  I'll do just what teenage Naruto was too scared to accomplish.  The longest and deepest of my childhood cuts will seem insignificant compared to this.  I will do exactly what he wants, because deep down, I know it's what I want, too. 

Inside, my brain is begging me not to obey Sasuke.  Trying to tell me that cutting won't help, that it's childish and that it's not going to solve anything; that it's revolting, that it makes one an attention-seeker; that it will destroy you, and alter how you see yourself; but my body knows better.  My body knows that the shit my brain tells me is straight out of a therapist's mouth.

I know that I have to do this.

I rush into my dorm and lock the door behind me, then head straight for the bathroom.  I open up the first drawer, pull out the sharpest object available to me-a razor blade-and remove my sweat-soaked shirt.  I sit down on the edge of the bathroom counter and discard the blade's plastic cover.  "I can't fucking take it anymore," I state aloud, to no one in particular, as I drag the blade from my wrist to my inner elbow.  "This is for Kiba," I voice as blood begins to seep out of the fresh wound.  "This is for Gaara," I mutter, slashing my arm again with the blade.  "This is for Sasuke." Three more deep cuts.  The pain is dissipating already, replaced with a feeling of ecstasy, invincibility.  I take a shaky breath and exhale deeply.  Oh, how I've missed this.  The crimson liquid drips from my arm onto the plush white bathmat, and the clash of colours is beautiful to me.  It is the most mesmerizing and inspiring thing in the world.  "And this..." I utter weakly, my voice now wobbly,  "is for me."

With the addition of a violent, deep cut across my wrist, blood begins to pour out of my arm.  I feel the room start to spin.  My eyes flutter open, shut, open, shut, barely open-

I tumble into a state of unconsciousness, but not before I hear the agonized scream of the one I love.

Naruto-*sobs on Sasuke's shoulder*
Sasuke-*stares at wall, scarred forever, stroking Naruto's hair soothingly*
Me-don't worry you guys, it's just a book!
Sasuke-*death glare* what were you thinking, writing something like that?  That would NEVER happen.  *looks at Naruto* that better NEVER happen.
Naruto-*sniffles* T^T
Me-Next chapter is going to be short, my ducklings.  Just thought I'd let you know.  Don't skip it, though.  It's basically an assortment of flashbacks to when Naruto was younger and used to cut. 
I'm not sure how I did on this chapter in terms of the levels of panic and anger and the whole self-harm thing.  I know everything seems a little rushed but I needneedneed to finish this book, so...
please let me know what you thought in the comments, vote and share!  Actually, you don't have to share, nobody does that and I don't blame you cx